[MANUELA BOSCIA WITH COLLEEN TINKER]
Editor’s Note: This email came to Life Assurance Ministries this week. We reprint it here with the author’s permission.
I’m a 37-year-old woman; I live in Brazil, and I’m a fifth-generation Adventist. My great-grandmother came to Brazil from Germany in the early 1900’s, and her father was already an Adventist back in his country. So, our family has been Adventist ever since, and none of us has ever questioned our faith—that is, until I did a couple months ago.
I have so much to say, and also some questions to ask, so it’s a little hard even to begin to write. I guess I will start by thanking Nikki Stevenson and Colleen Tinker and all the people who have been helping and teaching in the Former Adventist Fellowship ministry. I praise the Lord for your lives and for how much you’ve been sharing with love and the truth of God.
One of the teachings that has impacted me the most is the talk “The Pure Gospel and the Adventist Worldview” from the FAF Conference of 2019. I watched it many times; it is life-changing for an Adventist like me who never knew all of those things, especially that we were literally spiritually dead in our sins.
In the beginning, Colleen talks about some types of Adventists (progressive, evangelicals….), and that is also true here in Brazil. I guess my family belongs to the evangelical type. We never really believed in Ellen White as a prophet (instead we thought of her as a “counselor” or a somehow inspired person). We were never vegetarian nor gave too much attention to health reform; we even wore jewelry sometimes.
Back To the Beginning
My parents did not raise us (me and my siblings) in a very strict way, but in many senses the law and the legalistic spirit was always there—the famous list of do’s and dont’s which we ought to live by if we want to be saved. As a child I studied the church doctrines, the church history, and so on, in order to be baptized when I was 12. One of my memories as I kid was my fear of whether my name would pass in Jesus’ investigative judgment up in Heaven. Would I be sinning when my name came up? If so, I would be lost forever. I was also afraid of not realizing that I was lost, since I did not know when my name was going to come up.
As I grew up I never had a relationship with Jesus; I guess I didn’t really know who He was. He was the Son of God, of course, our sacrifice in order to save us, but what did that really mean, and how important was it really? Where did Jesus fit in my daily life? I never quite understood that.
I saw other Christians from other denominations talking about Jesus, that He was everything and they had so much love for Him! For me that concept was very hard to understand. Sometimes I wished I felt that same thing, but I just didn’t.
…every time I heard someone talk about Jesus and faith, I wondered about the Sabbath, and in my mind I thought that they could not be completely saved if they didn’t have the truth about the Sabbath.
Besides, every time I heard someone talk about Jesus and faith, I wondered about the Sabbath, and in my mind I thought that they could not be completely saved if they didn’t have the truth about the Sabbath. I also thought instinctively: they will be judged according to the light they received; I guess God will forgive then for not keeping the Sabbath.
I on the other hand, had no excuse. I needed to keep the Sabbath or be lost (and sometimes I wished I didn’t have that Sabbath-knowledge so I would be also excused, since it was so hard sometimes. I would think, “Lucky them!”).
I went to high school in an Adventist institution, married in the church (my husband was Catholic, but he was baptized Adventist because of me), and as an adult I became active in my local church, becoming a Sabbath School teacher and helping in other ministries. But the sense of imperfection and, somehow, of hypocrisy was strong in me. Everybody seemed so perfect, keeping the Sabbath right, eating vegetarian, doing sunset worship right—and they all seemed so good at being Adventists, and I was so imperfect, so full of mistakes!
Not a few times I felt unworthy, less than my brothers and sisters in the church, because I knew how bad I was. More than once I left the Sabbath church service feeling so small after an sermon in which the pastor would talk about how we should behave or how our sins made separation between us and God.
Bothered By the Sabbath
The Sabbath was something that really bothered me, since I wasn’t keeping it right. Sometimes I would buy something during Sabbath, or skip the sunset worship, or read or watch something I wasn’t supposed to. And I felt terrible about those things. I thought I was definitely lost. After all, if I wasn’t able to keep the Sabbath now, how could I keep it in the future during the persecution and when the Sunday decree was published?
I was going to hell (to burn and then to be totally annihilated—in that sense, I was glad that I believed there would be no eternal hell). When I sinned, especially because of the Sabbath, I felt so bad that I often became ashamed before God, and sometimes I would go days without having the courage to talk to Him. After all, I asked myself, how could I pray if I was so unable to keep a simple commandment, failing over and over again?
I also questioned if I was a true Christian since I was taught that keeping the commandments is a natural fruit, or an automatic response to a true conversion, so, logically, if I wasn’t capable of keeping Sabbath, that should mean that I wasn’t truly a Christian.
So, as you can see, the Sabbath was a huge question for me, and that’s precisely why I started to look for answers. I decided that I would research, study the Bible, and learn how to keep the Sabbath right, in the way God wanted. I was going to make it right. So I prayed about it and was ready to begin my search for the true way of Sabbath-keeping.
Adventist Is Not Sola Scriptura
For quite a while I became very interested in theological studies, reading C.S. Lewis, Sproul, and some others, and because I was watching lectures on YouTube (but still never questioning Adventist teachings), my YouTube account always brought suggestions on religious-themed videos to me. About that same time (last June) when I was praying about Sabbath, a YouTube video entitled “Why is Seventh-day Adventism a Cult?” appeared as a suggestion to me. I was puzzled and clicked on it, just out of curiosity. I couldn’t stop watching.
There, a Presbyterian pastor talked about all our distinctive doctrines: Satan as the scapegoat, soul sleep, the investigative judgment, Christ as Michel the archangel, and so on. Honestly, I did not kwon that so much separated us Adventists, from other Christians! I guess that, since I grew up in the church, everything seemed so natural to me that I never thought that we were so different. I thought the Sabbath was the main difference.
Although I knew we had distinctive doctrines, I just thought they weren’t so important, and even if they were important, they had to be true. After all, everybody else—all other religions and denominations—were wrong. Adventists were absolutely right about it all. We had THE truth.
I don’t really know how to explain it, since I’m really not a questioning kind of person, but I couldn’t stop the video. I kept watching.
After I finished, I went to look for an Adventist refutation on each one of the topics that pastor talked about. In fact, there were some videos made by Adventists as responses to this Presbyterian pastor (he is kind-of famous here in Brazil), and I watched them all, but somehow I was not comforted or convinced by the explanations they were giving.
Thinking back on that experience, I see how strange it was. It was not as if I didn’t know those doctrines before; they just hit me in a completely different way at that moment. I guess I was surprised to find out that they were not drawn from Scripture as I had believed and had been taught. I start digging deeper, researching.
Soon I found a former Adventist here in Brazil that has a YouTube channel dedicated to helping Adventists who are questioning. I found some other apologetics material in Portuguese, and finally I found the FAF conference videos, Dale Ratzlaff, your podcasts, the blog, and everything else.
At the beginning it all seemed like a huge conspiracy theory. I was really confused, questioning, doubting everything, but God was really merciful to me.
At the beginning it all seemed like a huge conspiracy theory. I was really confused, questioning, doubting everything, but God was really merciful to me. He called me, He showed me, He conducted everything in His unique and perfect way. I never felt so loved by God. When I discovered what the true Gospel is, I cried so hard. I wondered if it could be real.
Did God really love me that much? He really asks nothing from me? Is it really that simple?
For the first time I felt so much gratitude, and an enormous joy filled my heart. It did not take long for me to be convinced that everything I believed my whole life was just completely wrong. The Sabbath and the soul sleep were the most difficult points let go of, but one by one, the mistakes about even these doctrines were popping out in front of me.
The FAF podcasts have been very helpful in seeing the mistakes hidden within the doctrines. I thought that the great controversy perspective was in the Bible, and I was so shocked when I learned it was not! In fact, I realized that it simply doesn’t matter if an Adventist person believes or not in EGW; she is in absolutely everything the church teaches. She is just there! A lot of us simply don’t see it, though, because we’ve been told that that’s what the Bible says, and every Sabbath we are at the church hearing those ideas being preached to us. Every day we are studying the Sabbath school lesson (I was even teaching it), so every aspect of Adventism is embedded in some of us in a way that is very difficult to realize or to explain. I really believed that Adventism was a sola scriptura religion. It was shocking to realize it was not.
It’s All Of God
I really don’t know neither understand why this is happening to me. I wasn’t looking for it, that I know for sure. So, when I think about how I came to find out that Adventism was wrong, I can only thank God and praise Him with all my heart, since I was so lost and didn’t even have a clue. That was His work, for His glory, and I can only be thankful to Him and thankful for the work of so many people that make all this knowledge accessible. You are instruments of God.
I definitely didn’t understand the sovereignty of God, how He is almighty, and everything is under His control. That was an alien concept to me, but the way He called me and the way He is showing me things is a constant demonstration of how He has all of this in His hands.
I was born again, something that I never understood as I Adventist. I thought that those “dead in sins” expressions were just figurative speech. In fact, I could tell you so many things I never ever heard about as an Adventist, but I know that of all people, you know what I’m talking about. Countless times, hearing the FAF podcasts or teachings, when the speaker refers to some Adventist background or perspective, I think: that’s exactly how I fell.
I’m just starting to learn that there’s so much to understand, but God is wonderful. It hasn’t been easy with my family. Some of them are also studying, but others think I’m lost and that I should be looking for guidance with the Adventist church pastor. They think I’m being misled by “strange” teachings.
My mom can’t give up Sabbath; she says all churches have doctrinal errors, so why don’t we just stay where we are? At first I was very anxious, but I’m learning to trust God. That’s something Colleen talks about a lot, that we have to really learn how to trust Him. This concept is so true for a former Adventist.
Some Questions
All that said, I’d like to ask for some guidance in two aspects specifically. I’m still very lost about what I actually have to do now. What happens now that I’m born again? I already understand that there is no synergy; I can’t help God (something that I truly believed I should do, always thinking that I should push myself harder, and being frustrated when I failed). But how do I get sanctification? Or at least, how do I know that I’m at the right track? What should I do? I don’t know if that’s a silly question, but it’s still very difficult for me to understand what God wants from me in practical terms.
The second point I’d like to ask is about what kind of church I should attend. I’ve been visiting some Sunday churches, especially Presbyterian, and I really like the way they teach the Bible there; it is completely different from an Adventist church. But I learned they believe in the Covenant of Grace, which is so similar to what adventists teach in a way, and also in the replacement of the Sabbath with Sunday. I really don’t agree with these concepts. So far, my understanding is very similar to what you teach at Life Assurance Ministries: we are under a New Covenant and a new law, the Law of Christ (praise the Lord!). So, are those aspects crucial for me to choose a church?
Once again, I’m sorry if my question is too simplicistic, but sometimes I feel lost. In Adventism we are taught that we have the whole and complete truth, and now I know that there is no perfect church, no denomination that gets everything right. I also know that the gospel is not negotiable, but what else is not? I wish we had some independent churches here as I see over there in the US, but in my town that’s not the reality.
Thank you once again for everything you’ve been doing. I wish someday I could participate in a Former Adventist Fellowship conference and meet you all personally, but, if that’s not possible, I’m sure we will meet in heaven (now I have that certainty, praise the Lord for that!).
Editor’s Response
First, regarding sanctification, I know how confusing that subject is to someone who has been Adventist. The most important thing to remember is this: the New Testament commands in the epistles are written to BELIEVERS. As an Adventist, I believed the New Testament commands were written to everyone and that they explained how to overcome sin so one can be ready for salvation. What I have learned, though, is that the ONE command for unbelievers today is this: BELIEVE in the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved (Acts 16:31). Jesus said that all who believe in Him “have passed from death to life and do not come into condemnation” (Jn. 5:24). He also said that the work of God is this: to believe in the One whom He [God] sent (Jn 6:29).
We are saved only by faith in the Lord Jesus and His finished work. We are born spiritually dead (not a metaphor, as you have learned!) and must be made alive. Only spiritually alive people are saved; it is not a matter of bad people being made good but of dead people being made alive. Once we have trusted Jesus and have been born again, we now have the power, position, and potential to begin to grow in trust and to overcome the sin of the flesh.
Romans 7 is helpful; here Paul explains that even after our spirits are made alive and we love the Lord’s word and law, we still have a “law of sin in our members” (v. 23). In other words, our mortal, un-glorified bodies still have predispositions to sin even though we are now alive in Christ. Paul explains in Romans 7 that the Lord delivers us from this “body of death” and in 8:1 says that there is NOW no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! So even if we sin, the Lord’s death has paid for that sin, and our proper response is to confess before Him and to ask Him to show us how to trust those weaknesses and desires to Him.
…for the first time, we have the choice to trust Jesus at the moment of temptation instead of fighting our flesh directly by will power and determination.
In other words, for the first time, we have the choice to trust Jesus at the moment of temptation instead of fighting our flesh directly by will power and determination. Now we can trust God in that moment and ask Him to show us how to trust Him, how to have His wisdom, and how to honor Him in that moment. I don’t know if you saw the recent article in our weekly Proclamation! email, but this may help you understand what I am describing: Freedom From Adventist Trauma .
The Bible describes ongoing sanctification, the gradual learning to trust Jesus and to surrender our old identities to Him and to live by His word. It also describes and what we call “positional” sanctification—the reality that when we are born again, we are “sanctified”, or set apart for God’s holy use, immediately. Positionally we move from being dead to alive, citizens of the domain of darkness into citizens of the kingdom of the Beloved Son (Col. 1:13), and we are already eternally alive and sealed by the Holy Spirit (Eph. 1:13,14). So our position and identities change: we become God’s true adopted, born-again children, plus we have His Spirit and His life in us to show us how to submit to His word and to trust Him when we are tempted instead of indulging our flesh.
As far as what church to attend—that is a harder question. You are right that the gospel is NON-NEGOTIABLE. In reality, there are three non-negotiables: the Trinity, the centrality and inerrancy of God’s word, and the gospel of our Lord Jesus. Eschatology is not a central pillar; Christians can differ on eschatology and still have fellowship with one another if they are born again.
Even though we, because of our background, see the shocking clarity of the end of the law for Christians, those who still see a function for the law are not heretics. One can disagree with a particular interpretation of a particular pastor while still being a true brother or sister.
Also, the theology of some Presbyterian churches has a structure that is called “covenant theology”, and they see the law as having a function for the church as a rule of faith and practice. We at Life Assurance Ministries see this structure as flawed and prefer what you have discovered in our videos and other materials: a new covenant perspective that depends upon Galatians and Hebrews and the epistles to understand that Jesus has fulfilled the law, and according to 2 Corinthians 3, we now live in the covenant of the Spirit. Nevertheless, a Presbyterian church that teaches Scripture is likely preferable to a church that teaches more topically and not verse-by-verse. Within Christianity, the differences in “structure” such as covenant theology, new covenant theology, and dispensationalism all teach the true gospel of the Lord Jesus. Even though we, because of our background, see the shocking clarity of the end of the law for Christians, those who still see a function for the law are not heretics. One can disagree with a particular interpretation of a particular pastor while still being a true brother or sister.
The secret is to find a church that honors Scripture and teaches straight from it. Then, as we have done to come out of Adventism, we have to study Scripture ourselves and test what we hear taught just to make sure it agrees with the rest of Scripture. We have to continue to be Bereans!
This audio recording of our pastor giving a talk at our FAF conference in 2007 on “How to Choose A Church” may be helpful to you: http://lifeassuranceministries.org/faf2007/GaryInrig2007.mp3
Meanwhile, surround yourself with people and material that help you “unpack” your Adventist understanding. It does take years, but God is faithful and does NOT trick us!
I pray the Lord will show you His grace and mercy and open His word to you increasingly. †
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