The Church Almost Killed Me
I’ve finally found the courage to send an email. This email has sat in my drafts for several weeks. I apologize at the beginning for the length and rambling that you will endure as you read thru this.
I’ve been devouring your podcasts for almost a year now! I’ve listened to some of the same ones over and over, trying to gain new understanding in my twisted, deceived, thoroughly indoctrinated, brainwashed brain from more than 50 years of very conservative Adventism. It has taken a lot of courage for me to even write this email. I relate to so much of your own stories!
My husband and I finally moved away to recover and rest from working for the church! I “stumbled” onto a Bible study group that was truly a catalyst of the Holy Spirit who was pursuing my brokenness and meeting me in a place of fear, anxiety, and depression. He has never left my side!
After seven years in this non-Adventist women’s Bible study…I have finally said NO MORE!…
I believe Adventism is a cult, without a doubt! No turning back to that dark place!
Here’s a bit of my story (tears flowing):
I have read and consumed numerous books from EGW with my own extensive library of her books. I had attended the same church for several decades, so my Adventist world was very tightly constructed. I had “worked my way” in serving the Lord in church and conference ministries of every kind…All my friends and family were/are Adventist. So you get the picture!
The church almost killed me! I have silently questioned so many things throughout the years.
All of this anxiety—trying to be good, to look good and be a “good” Adventist—reached a breaking point that landed me in the hospital with severe panic attacks and a mental breakdown. I felt trapped with no one to talk to! I was so weary of the facade of trying to attain perfection that seemed so impossible to do!
After my husband said, “Enough is enough!” and moved us, I began trying to figure out how to rest! And that’s when I stumbled upon this Bible study.
While attending this new Bible study/recovery group, we studied multiple books of the Bible learning the context and reading chapter by chapter. I was still attending an Adventist church…but grew more and more frustrated.
I finally had the courage to walk thru the doors of a “Sunday” church associated with the Bible study group. I was shaking and trembling and was about to throw up but managed to make my way in the doors!
Wow, just wow! It was a large church, and the band with drums, guitar and keyboard began praising the Lord! Tears would not stop rolling down my face!!! These people loved Jesus!!!! I couldn’t pull it together! I don’t remember what the pastor said that day, but I knew I could never go back from what God had delivered me from!
Our adult kids and their wives and our grandkids are now attending this Christian church. One of our daughters-in-law is actually related to a well-known Adventist evangelist, so this has been huge!!! I praise the Lord that our grandchildren will never grow up in Adventism.
I’m growing and learning more every day! I’m still deconstructing and disentangling myself from this lifetime of heresy. I have experienced deep depression, anger, outrage, sadness and disbelief! But Jesus remains faithful, and I’m putting my faith and trust in the scriptures alone!
All my Adventist friends and extended family have no idea yet…and interacting with them has become more and more difficult. I’m praying for God’s timing to tell them and for courage as I continue to peel back the layers of darkness! I still have so much fear in sharing this with my family and friends, but I know God will provide a way.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Please continue to keep sharing the truth of Scripture as its impact reaches more and more people for Christ!
I am truly born again! I walk each day in the freedom of Christ’s finished work on the cross. His sacrifice was complete, and His blood was shed for me! Wow!!! I still cry!! I feel like a babe in Christ! I’m devouring the Word! I have so much to learn, and my Jesus, my Savior is leading the way!
No turning back! I want to visit your next conference in February and worship together with true believers in Christ!
I am finishing this email that has taken three weeks to hit the send button while sitting in a coffee shop with my Bible on Saturday! Yes I am drinking coffee and breaking the Sabbath! What a joy and what freedom in Jesus! I know He loves me, and I am saved! That is huge to say! But it’s true!
Your ministry has changed my life! I can’t say thank you enough!
By the way, I had a book burning party at my house a while back with all those beloved EGW books and with joy and tears those evil writings were a sacrifice to the Lord! (I didn’t want to take them to Goodwill since I didn’t want anyone to read that heresy and untruth).
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you so much for writing; what an amazing story! I can relate to SO MUCH of what you describe. The mounting anxiety and the feeling that I was losing my sanity—that was so ME! I love how the Lord led your husband to move you away from the place where your entanglement became suffocating and nearly impossible to escape, and how He led you to that Bible study.
One thing I know for sure: only Scripture re-programs our brains, our minds, and our hearts. It’s just a wonderful thing that the Lord led you to a place where you slowly and systematically studied His word in the company of women who trust Him! And that fear of entering a Sunday church is SO familiar! Your reaction to that is such a consistent reaction among those questioning Adventism. I have a friend who first went to a “Sunday church” where the Bible was preached faithfully many years ago. The night before she went, she spiked a fever of 101°. She said she knew it was spiritual opposition, and she got herself up in the morning and went anyway. She never looked back.
I am so, so happy to read that your kids are now attending your church and that your grandchildren will not be raised Adventist. I know that feeling as well—it’s almost a sense of wonder to see my grandchildren untainted by Adventism. As they became old enough, it has brought me so much joy to see them learning to eat meat, for example. It’s such a simple thing—so “normal”—but a complete gift to me. And to see my sons married to Christian women is such a redemption of the past.
I relate to the tears, to the fears, and to the reality that there is still a path to walk as you reveal your decision to your family. As you said, the Lord knows and is directing you. You will feel so much relief when you are able to let them know and to see where “the chips will fall”, so to speak. Dealing with reality is always easier than dealing with the fearful anticipation.
I really do look forward to your coming to the conference next year. You will love it, and we will love meeting you! There is something unique and priceless about worshiping with others who have not only left the same cult but also have met and love the Lord Jesus. We share a very specific experience that is a unique gift of God’s redemption, and sharing that together is unlike any other worship experience. I love that the Lord sees and knows and draws us to Himself in His own timing, and He places us in each other’s lives for His glory and for our good—and these connections are eternal! We will carry them with us into the kingdom!
Meanwhile, I have resources for you!
Although we are not currently publishing a printed version of Proclamation! magazine, all our back issues are online here: ProclamationMagazine.com.
We have also added your name to our weekly Proclamation! email updates. You may need to add the email address mail@LifeAssuranceMinistries.org to your contacts in order for the email not to be directed toward your Spam folder. These emails will arrive every Friday. Archived articles are available at https://blog.lifeassuranceministries.org/magazine-archive/.
You might also enjoy our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/FormerAdventist/featured
You have already found our Former Adventist Podcast here; many say these help them unpack the Adventism hidden in the recesses of their minds: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/former-adventist/id1482887969
In addition, we have a new podcast called Adventist Fact Check in which we talk through the misinformation contained in the weekly Sabbath School lessons. You can find them here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adventist-fact-check-with-colleen-tinker/id1721662293
Both podcasts are also on our YouTube channel above.
Please feel free to email anytime, and if you ever want to join our Friday FAF Bible studies at 700 PM Pacific time, just email this address and request a zoom link.
My Friend Needs Help!
We spoke/emailed several years ago when I was first leaving the Adventist church. I have loved the freedom of knowing Christ outside of Adventism and the sweetness of His fellowship! It has been years since I have looked into Adventist beliefs and how they differ from God’s word. I found it was rather terrorizing to read EGW quotes and realized they were quite demonic.
A dear friend of mine who left the Adventist church three years ago would like to go through a Bible study together to clarify her understanding of the error of Adventism. She specifically wanted to look at the 28 Fundamental Beliefs. I directed her to your website and the podcasts that cover that topic. I have listened to the first two and wondered if there was another resource, such as a Bible study, that would go along with these podcasts?
Thank you for your ministry and time!
—VIA EMAIL
Response: You know, I suspect that your friend needs to do contextual Bible reading with you. That seems to be the THING that first begins to reveal that God is sovereign and we are not, that Jesus completed the atonement on the cross, and that the law was temporary. Those basic understandings are the foundation on which “seeing” the flaws of the doctrines rests.
I recommend two things: first, that you begin literally reading through Galatians with her, perhaps one chapter at a time, reading it observing all the normal rules of grammar, context, and vocabulary. The words mean what the words say. Know who the first audience was and understand how the first audience would have understood the letter. Application cannot be the first thing but the last thing, and a passage cannot mean something different to me than it meant to the first audience. The application might differ, but the meaning has to stay the same. Reading through Galatians, then Hebrews, then Colossians, Ephesians, and John sequentially and contextually would be extremely helpful.
Second, our current videos addressing this quarter’s Sabbath School lessons might be really helpful. This quarter’s quarterly is entitled The Great Controversy, and they literally walk through all the core doctrines and worldview of Adventism in the order presented in EGWs book. We are addressing each week’s lesson in weekly videos and are showing the major ways The Great Controversy is contradicting a biblical worldview. I think these videos would be helpful to you; we also have written articles addressing essentially the same content.
Here is a link to the Sabbath School commentary podcasts, Former Adventist Fact Check. The great controversy series began six weeks ago with the video dated Mar 30–April 5, 2024. They are still ongoing; you will find the first six online and the seventh will go live this coming Wednesday. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLN9GSkxQf71ZbPFg4gYhVC811rx2nHJ69
Here is a link to the written articles that go with the videos: https://blog.lifeassuranceministries.org/category/sabbath-school-commentary/
I hope this helps; please feel free to email me if you need further insight or wish to ask questions.
Christ And the Wicked Little Horn
Thanks for all you do. The Lord has officially ripped the veil from my eyes, and we formally withdrew our membership from the Adventist organization.
One thing that is perplexing me is the wicked little horn. I’ve heard you mention it and just read this:
“The Adventist interpretation of Daniel 8:14 completely ignores the context. The late Dr.Raymond Cottrell, Adventism’s top Hebrew scholar, stated that to get Adventist theology out of Daniel 8:14 one either has to completely ignore the context or one has to make Christ the wicked little horn mentioned in the prophecy. There are no other options as the top secret committee of Adventist scholars found in their five year study. Instead of admitting this doctrine had no biblical basis, the committee disbanded and left no minutes. Most Adventists to this day know nothing about this cover up. The Administrators, knowing the problems, told Adventist pastors to continue to teach the investigative judgment and cleansing of the heavenly sanctuary ‘based upon traditional assumptions. Notice that a ‘contextual’ understanding of Daniel 8:14 makes Christ the wicked little horn. Is this something the Holy Spirit would do?” (Source not given.)
This is disgusting! I’d like to dig into this further, but for now can you help me think through this? I’ve read Daniel and understand that the IJ is terrible hermeneutics on Revelation 8:14 (I’d never looked up the original language or heard about the Macabeen rebellion before; so fascinating!), but haven’t done a study on the horns referred to. If you have a study guide on this to recommend, that would be wonderful also.
Thanks so much.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you for writing!
I’m going to link you to Dale Ratzlaff’s article about Antiochus Epiphanes and that little horn He cites references, and it should be a good jumping-off place for you to start.
Did you hear our Former Adventist Podcast series on Daniel? We talked about that horn when we came to Daniel 8 as well:
It really is quite disorienting to begin to see how twisted our unique Adventist worldview was! The Lord is faithful, though, and He fixes our heads as we trust Him and trust Scripture. Please feel free to email any time! †
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