Last week our blogs focussed on the deception of Adventists who fairly criticize their own doctrines while refusing to disentangle from their false religion. The double messages they deliver may sound open-minded and tolerant, but they have no power to offer resolution to Adventists mired in the complications of their subculture and doubts.
Adventism does not offer the truth of the biblical gospel to those who are suffocating in anxiety, disillusionment, and unremitting guilt. It only offers deepening bondage as it adherents try harder and harder to find peace and hope.
This week I am writing again about this subject, this time from a slightly different perspective. I have had three conversations since Friday with three different people who are struggling to address Adventism from the outside looking in. The desperation these three people described have moved me. Particularly wrenching was the grief and concern of a mother whose young adult son is on the verge of being baptized into Adventism in order to marry his Adventist girlfriend.
The situation that resonated with me in a personal way, however, was that of a former Adventist who is struggling with her elderly Adventist mother who lives with her. The mother is a devotee of 3ABN and reports that the network is canvassing Adventist students to “sign on to answer questions” posited by the “millions” of people who are looking for prophetic insight about the strange events in the world today. Adventism, of course, claims to have those answers.
This woman is desperate to have her mother understand the true gospel, but the mom believes her daughter is now lost. When the daughter brings up the true gospel, the mother only argues.
“I really am at a loss as to how to share with her,” the former Adventist says. “My mother lives with us, and I am her caregiver. I am still grieving all the losses in my life, and anger is still there—sometimes even at her. It’s so hard to know what to do.”
In addition, she is grieved at the opportunistic drive of 3ABN to proselytize new adherents in this time of COVID and political confusion. “An Adventist won’t listen to what I say,” she said. “I wouldn’t have; it was God who led me out. Yet I have such a burden for those who still have faith in Ellen White.”
Dealing with argumentative Adventists
Many of us were taught as Adventist children that honoring our parents meant doing what they wanted us to do, even after we became adults. In fact, this issue of “honoring” our parents often becomes a point of guilt and fear when we leave Adventism and our Adventist parents threaten illness or disinheritance when we leave the church that identifies them. We are easily guilted into feeling it is our fault if our parents are suffering, or if they are grief-stricken or angry with us.
Yet Jesus told us that He is a sword that divides between the closest of relationships. Truth divides. In fact, it was Jesus who said, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Mt. 10:37).
Adventist parents, though, often misunderstand Jesus’ words. When they are embarrassed or angered by their children leaving their religion (whatever age they may be), parents often resort to manipulation and shame.
It is sometimes necessary and fair to tell querulous parents that we don’t want them to bring up Adventist arguments with us. If they continue to try to pull us into Adventist arguments, we sometimes have to say we will not engage in those discussion anymore—that the only thing we will discuss is Jesus and the fact that we have trusted His shed blood on the cross and His resurrection from the dead which has paid for all our sins and has given us new birth in Him.
In fact, if parents (or any other people) continue to talk about Adventism when we have asked them to stop, it’s OK to say we will walk out of the room for a bit and come back when they are done talking about Adventism. As followers of the Lord Jesus who are born again, we do not have to engage in disputes about Adventism even if those conversations are with elderly parents. If conversations yield only intellectual haranguing and unresolved conflict, they do not help the Adventist become softened toward the gospel. In fact, they can harden a heart that is already stubborn, and we have to be willing to stop the conflict.
Sometimes we cannot seem to reach resistant loved ones. In those cases, we have to cease trying to get them to respond and instead pray for them, asking the Lord to bring someone to them who can explain the gospel in a way they can hear it.
We often feel that honoring a parent means keeping them happy and doing what they want us to do. Biblically, however, giving our parents the kind of attention they want if that attention is not faithful to the gospel is NOT honoring to them. When we are born again and adopted by the Father, we are God’s children. He has taken the responsibility for protecting us and guarding our hearts. Now we live for Him, and our job as respectful children of our earthly parents is to respond to God’s word and will; we are not to put the argumentative desires of Adventist family ahead of our gospel convictions.
We cannot repair the schism that occurs when the gospel divides people. We can take care of and be polite to those who do not believe, but we do not have to be drawn into their worldview and arguments, even if “they” are parents.
God is the One who gives the faith to believe and convicts hearts of the truth of the gospel. Sometimes I have had to remember that I have to “step aside” and allow the Holy Spirit to be God to my loved ones. If I engage in their arguments in an ongoing way, it confirms to them that there is a “hook” in me that will continue to engage. If I refuse to engage, I “make room” for the Holy Spirit to deal with them. My engagement can no longer ease their dissonant consciences. They have to deal with God, and He knows how to communicate with them. Some may refuse to submit their minds and hearts to Him, but that is not mean we have failed. God is in charge of our Adventist loved ones.
I share the grief and burden for those who are falling prey to the Adventists’ evangelism techniques. I literally pray regularly that God will expose and break the spirit of Adventism and draw Adventists to Himself and plant them deeply in His word. Only He can awaken them to desire to know the truth. We know from 2 Thessalonians and also from Romans 1 that ultimately God will allow people’s refusal to believe to result in a great apostasy; He will turn them over to their own depraved minds. More and more, people will become polarized between belief and unbelief.
To be sure, there are only two kinds of people now, but there will be less and less tolerance for the gospel as time moves toward the end. The Lord will hold us securely in Himself, and He will hold us as we face the anger and resentment of those who wish we would agree with them. We must, however, remember that the gospel brings a sword. God’s word shines light in darkness, and what is hidden in darkness must be brought to light (Eph. 5:11–13). Adventism is darkness, and the Lord knows how to keep us at peace in Him even as we care for our Adventist loved ones. They do not threaten our identity or our position before God even if they shame us.
We can pray together that God will bring Adventists to see the truth and to embrace Jesus and His finished work. The Lord knows how much each of us has lost and how much we grieve. He knows our pain, and He is our comfort.
God’s word will give us deep roots into truth. Argumentative loved ones cannot dislodge us from our conviction that the Lord Jesus is enough. They cannot steal our joy—and you do not have to engage with them in these Adventist discussions. Our confidence and refusal to engage may make them angry at first, but they will eventually “settle” as they learns that their usual techniques fail to draw us in as they used to.
The Lord carries us through their reactions to us, and He strengthens us as we seek to honor Him while refusing to allow the doctrines of demons to permeate our discussions. †
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