By Colleen Tinker
A couple of months ago, we received an email from a Christian woman who was engaged to an Adventist. They had dated for two years, and she had believed she could help him see the truth of the gospel, but her efforts had been unsuccessful.
Moreover, she was distressed because Bible study with him seemed to be a cause for quarreling rather than a source of joy, and she was worried because he did not want to introduce her to his family and associates.
She said, “I am on the verge of breaking up because he wants me to change so that we can get married. I know I can’t be an Adventist because I know the truth. I love him, but I can let him go because of faith…[but] I would want him to know the truth. Please help me.”
Sadly, this predicament is not uncommon; over the years we have received many emails and phone calls from people hoping to marry an Adventist, yet the writers/callers were bumping into a non-negotiable “wall” they couldn’t quite understand.
When people ask us for help in these situations, we must honestly tell them that the problem is much bigger than it appears; it is really a matter of dealing with different kingdoms. Because there are so many people who face this situation, I’m sharing my response to this particular woman with the hope that it will help others to understand the issues involved when Christians date Adventists thinking they share Jesus in common.
Dear writer,
Thank you for writing. First, you are right that there is a serious problem and a vast difference between Adventism and Christianity. Many people who find themselves involved with an Adventist are not so clear about this reality.
I will tell you the story as “straight” as I can. If, after these years, your fiancé is not showing any signs of moving toward Christianity, he is likely not going to do so. As long as he is engaged to you, he has the hope that you will change. Adventists deeply believe they are RIGHT, that only they only understand the Bible correctly. They will not give up trying to convert those in their lives who are not Adventist.
If you were to marry him, the coming of children would make this situation worse. Adventists believe that they are responsible for their children’s salvation. They believe that they are sinning if they do not train their children to be Adventist, to go to the Adventist church, to eat the Adventist diet, to go to Adventists schools if possible.
We know people whose marriages become deeply troubled when one becomes Christian, and we have a good friend who lost his marriage when he left the Adventist organization for Christianity.
On the other hand, however, sometimes when one spouse of an Adventist couple becomes Christian, the other spouse will eventually become Christian as well through their spouse’s love and consistency and through the example of their husband’s or wife’s new obedience to the Lord Jesus. In the case of a courtship and engagement, however, if the Adventist is refusing to study or to consider that Adventism differs from Christianity, Paul’s command in 2 Corinthians 6:14 applies: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?”
On the surface Adventism looks “almost Christian”. They use almost the same words we use as Christians, but they have different definitions and private interpretations for those words. Often neither the Adventist nor the Christian knows that they are talking about different meanings when they talk, but their world views are totally opposite.
Adventists do not believe humans have spirits that survive the body. They do not understand what “spiritual death” is, and they do not believe in natural depravity. Because they do not believe people have spirits, they have no understanding of the true definition of sin or of being dead in sin. They have no understanding of what it meant that Jesus was “sinless”. They believe He was sinless because He resisted temptation and managed not to sin. They do not understand that he avoided sin because He was sinless. They do not understand that Jesus was born spiritually alive and was the only person who did not have to be born again.
They do not understand what it means to be born again.
Their misunderstanding of the nature of man means that they do not understand the true nature of sin, of salvation, nor of the Lord Jesus incarnate. They do not believe in the same triune God that Christians embrace; they say they are trinitarians, but their “trinity” is a tritheism. They will not acknowledge that Father, Son and Holy Spirit share the same substance. They do not believe Jesus is omnipresent, because he has has body which, they say, prevents Him from being omnipresent (remember, they do not believe in “spirit”), so the Holy Spirit had to come because Jesus was now limited. Of course, we know that if Jesus lacks any attribute of God, He is not God. The Adventist Jesus is not the Jesus of Scripture. Adventists believe Jesus could have sinned and failed in His mission.
Why do Adventists believe these things?
Deception is subtle and mimics truth. Adventism gives its converts the illusion of having “answers” which Christians do not have. Adventism claims to know “secret truth” that the church has ignored, such as the Sabbath as the true “Lord’s Day”, the Sabbath as the mark of the true believers (because they, the Adventists, will be the only one keeping right day of worship), and so forth. They claim to know how the end times will play out, what the issues of the Tribulation (they call it The Time of Trouble) will be (and they claim it will be about Sabbath), and they give converts a “formula” for holy living: Sabbath, vegetarianism, and education. They tend to steer their converts into their Adventist schools and universities, and they also tend to give them jobs when they finish.
In countries that are economically disadvantaged, Adventism makes its members “middle class” and gives them status and money unavailable to the people around them who aren’t Adventist. In some situations they provide for travel for education or conferences, and they give members status and advantages.
This religion was founded on a lie: they believed that Jesus would return on October 22, 1944, and when He did not, they did not repent of date-setting. Instead, they ascribed a different event to that day and invented their central Investigative Judgment doctrine. Almost all the founders were not Christian; they were Arians and anti-trinitarians, believing that Jesus is not eternal God, and believing that the Holy Spirit is simply a force. No religion that is founded on a false god can transition to being Christian. In spite of the fact that adventism has redefined the trinity and that it CALLS itself trinitarian, it is not. Its scholars admit even today that the Adventist “trinity” is not the same as the Christian trinity. Adventism actually believes in a tri-theism.
Different Gods
Standing where I am at this point, I suggest telling your fiancé that you cannot marry an Adventist because you believe in different gods, and because Adventism does not believe the atonement was finished at the cross. He will likely argue, but our Jesus could not have sinned and failed as Adventism believes theirs could have. Our Jesus rose from death and is seated at God’s right hand. He is not continuing His work of atonement in heaven. Adventists say He is “applying His blood” to sins as they are confessed, but the Bible says His blood and sacrifice and work of atonement were finished. Adventists say that His “intercession” is His continued work of atonement, but Hebrews is clear that His intercession is His representing us who are IN HIM. He is not applying His blood. His blood was applied at the cross, and we receive its benefits when we BELIEVE in Him. We do not receive the benefits of atonement when we keep the Ten Commandments and overcome sin as they say.
The fact is, Adventism has a different Jesus and a different gospel, as Paul says in Galatians 1.
They will NOT give up trying to convert those who are not Adventists. In fact, Adventists rarely have friends who are not Adventists unless they are attempting to convert them. They cannot be vulnerable with a non-Adventist, because they believe that “Sunday-keeping” Christians will have the mark of the beast and will be lost. Not only will they have the mark of the beast, but Adventism also teaches that people who worship on Sunday will hunt and kill Adventists during the coming Time of Trouble.
Your fiancé will likely not take the breakup well. He may manipulate and wheedle and maybe even threaten you, even if only with the threat of abandonment and eternal loss. I don’t know him, so I don’t know the nature of his push-back, but the Lord Jesus is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you, and He will be your strength.
The fact that your fiancé does not respect your position now is a clue as to how he would be as a husband. He will never respect your views because, as an Adventist, he KNOWS he is RIGHT. Adventists often believe that they can be rude and even demeaning with people who resist their Adventism.
My personal thought is that you should base the breakup on the fact that Adventism doesn’t worship the God of Scripture nor honor the Jesus of the Bible. They have another god, not the God of the Bible. They believe another gospel. I would state my case and my boundaries and leave the discussion there. When we try to make someone understand the gospel when they believe they know better, that discussion usually ends in a unresolved argument.
An embarrassment
One more thing…I think I may know why he has not introduced you to his friends and pastors. Adventism wants its members to marry Adventists. You are an embarrassment to him. If he introduces you to them and they discover that you are a Christian with no intention of converting, they will marginalize him. He will be seen as a weak Adventist and not worthy to be given the jobs and authority he wants in their church. He will be seen as being “disobedient” and rebellious, and they will counsel him to break up with you or to convert you. His efforts to convert you are as strong as they are because your being Adventist affects his future. If he marries you and you are not Adventist, he will not be given advancements and authority.
I grew up in Adventism, and I know how Adventists “see” others who are married to “unbelievers”. (“Unbelievers” means “not Adventists”; it doesn’t mean people who are not born again.) They and their children are treated differently and marginalized.
Traditionally Adventist pastors have been forbidden to perform marriages between an Adventist and a non-Adventist. Even if the non-Adventist is a Christian, the marriage is forbidden. In the United States this restriction is less enforced now than in the past, but I suspect that in other countries, this requirement may still be strong. His marriage to you might be frowned on if not outright forbidden to occur in an Adventist church.
I believe that God makes no mistakes, and He wastes nothing. Whether or not your fiancé comes to faith, the Lord designed that you would learn what Adventism IS. Many, many people are becoming Adventists, and they are mostly NOT born again. They don’t know the true gospel. The Lord will use your knowledge of Adventism throughout your life. I am sure your fiancé will not be the only Adventist you encounter. The Lord wants His children to know His word so well that they can help those who are caught in confusion and who can KNOW a false gospel when they see it.
This experience will not be wasted.
The Lord will strengthen you, and He cares even more about your fiancé than you do. He is not done dealing with him. Meanwhile, He wants you to be obedient to Him as your Lord and walk toward Him, not becoming unequally yoked with an unbeliever. He has a great life planned for you, even in the midst of grief and suffering. He trains us for our good (Heb. 12:10-11), and He will turn your ashes into joy. He will not leave you in despair.
I am so sorry for this sadness and loss. I pray the Lord will bring you a godly husband as He wills. Whatever happens, we thank God for who He is and for what He is doing, even for what He is doing that we cannot see.
For further reading about Adventism:
- “What Is Seventh-day Adventism?”
- “Resignation Letter from Nigeria”
- “From Ellen White to the True Light”
- May 4–10, 2024 - May 2, 2024
- We Got Mail - May 2, 2024
- April 27–May 3, 2024 - April 25, 2024
Very good words, Colleen. I wish somebody had told me all this about 30 years ago.
Thank you. I pray the Lord redeems your situation and blesses your faithfulness to Him.
Colleen: You response is very “hard hitting” but for a person being in an unequally yoked marriage can be years of pain and suffering for both parties. You have a type in this article, October 22, 1944 should read October 22, 1844. Ever year Adventists make a big deal about this foundational date and often reiterate the 1844/sanctuary doctrine that saved them, etc. Watch them do it again this year. Nowdays a lot of SDA ministers will marry an Adventist with a non-Adventists, especially in more liberal areas like S California.
Oops! Thanks for pointing that out. We’ll correct the date.
Ahhhhh, Colleen…had I read this before I answered my SDA with a rebuttal against the Pacific Press devotion of the day she sent I would not have felt the need to check my theology with you to make sure I was correct. Thank you for publishing this. I am feeling more secure in my ability to contest the false with the true.
Beverly, you are well-equipped to contest the false with the true! Absolutely!
Very informative. I wish my mother would not have married my step dad when I was around 8. He and his family were “very” Adventist (in public) and that is when I had to begin attending Adventist school and was baptized a few years later, then I ran away from Loveland Academy while in the 10th grade with my sister in tow. A new ager and an Adventist, go figure. But is was horrendous! My baby sister came from the marriage and attended most of her childhood until she dropped out in the 8th grade because of pregnancy. My other sister continues in Adventism and to this day I’m still trying to get her away from it. The family was demonic, seriously! We had 5 step siblings much older than us and the boys were a big problem for us little girls (one of the boys raped my sister). I married a Catholic man knowing it was a strange religion and got born again at 49 while reading the Bible because of an x-Catholic friend who witnessed to me. I can tell you it is not good being married to an unbeliever. But I do have joy trying to be a good wife as my witness hoping one day he will change his mind even though he says “you only know what your taught”. In other words he is not bothering to check out anything else.
Anne, I’m so sorry for the spiritual trauma you have endured. The Lord redeems everything we submit to Him, and He wastes nothing. He is faithful!
Good job, Colleen. Both parties begin with compromising their faith, with the hope that their partner assents to their chosen doctrine. This was a problem that Israel faced and it is regretfully repeated in the church. Your answer was compassionate, yet to the point. Evangelism and dating do not mix as a rule. But lovers in this situation always rationalize their relationship with stories of marital conversions. This is quite a gamble with such an important decision, especially given the Lord’s caution against marrying an unbeliever.
Thank you, Sabbathcomplete!