Broken, Hurt, and Angry—Wife Embedded In Adventism
I really don’t know how or where to even start. I’m full of emotions at the moment and just need to let it out.
I’m broken, hurt, and angry because my wife is so deep into the Adventist doctrine. She isn’t allowing me to raise my children to do the things that I used to do growing up, like joining sports (the games are on Saturday, as you know). She changed her diet (as well as my children’s) a couple months ago to vegan. She isn’t allowing my boys to watch monster trucks because the videos are “demonic”. Everything is demonic to her because we need to “guard their minds”.
She was raised Adventist, and I was raised Christian—going to church on Sundays—but I never really dug deeply into the Bible for myself, which is why I gave in to what she believes. I didn’t see much harm in it—she just goes to church on Saturday—so I just joined her.
When we got married neither of us was really going to church at all. The last couple years, though she started going again just to get our boys into the routine of being in church and stuff like that. But someone gave her the four-foot-tall stack of the Spirit of Prophecy books. She’s fully convinced in EGW and how she is the last true prophet.
Every time she would bring up her name, I guess I just had that discernment tickling my spirit because I felt something is way off. I was especially alarmed when my wife would say things such as, “Did you know there are other worlds, and Satan got kicked out of heaven,” or “Did you know God would meet with Adam and Eve on the Sabbath?”
Each time she brought up anything about EGW I had a confused face and would respond with, “Where is that in the Bible?” My wife would just keep telling me, “She’s the last prophet,” and other defenses.
I decided to FINALLY read the New Testament on my own, and with everything I barely knew about EGW and her doctrine, I got through Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, and then Hebrews, and I KNEW in my heart there is NO way Adventist doctrine is any way true at all! It contradicts so much!!
So I finally learned a little bit about the Law of Moses and the new covenant. We tried talking about it last year, and I just told her that I think that EGW lady is a false prophet.
She listened, and I showed her how verses from each of the New Testament books I’d read contradict EGW.
Well, my wife, has yet to read through the New Testament, and her mind is stuck in Matthew and his accounts of the “Commandments”. I then tried to explain to her that under the New Covenant, we have new commandments. I showed her 1 John 3:20-24.
She still thinks Jesus’ two most “important commandments” means the 10 Commandments (love your God with all your heart, soul, and mind equals the first four Commandments; Love your neighbor equals the last six Commandments). However, after showing her various verses, I realize that she doesn’t read the New Testament, on her own. Instead she goes to Adventist sermons that explain what all those Letters from Paul “actually mean”.
We didn’t argue about it at that time; I just took the “Paul approach” and would respect her Sabbath-keeping and diet change because I love her. But the last couple months have been EXTREME, and our marriage is not good.
I found Dale Ratzlaff’s video of Three Adventist Doctrines that Compromise the Gospel a few days ago, and that cleared it up for me more than ever! I sent the video to my wife, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t even watch it.
She told me, “God already spoke to me, and I’m supposed to be getting prepared for the end times. I need to get to the point where the kids and I are able to eat raw vegetables.” Then she said forcefully, “You can say whatever you want; I know you don’t believe, but that’s on you”…
I’m stuck right now. I just need prayer, I guess. She is a stay-at-home mom, and I work long hours in an industry that requires commuting, so I feel at fault more than ever because I’m so exhausted when I get home. Weekends I recover to keep working. This is not what I visioned it would be like when I became a father of young children!
—VIA EMAIL
Response: You are in a very difficult situation!
I don’t have an easy answer for you. I would suggest that you become as familiar as possible with the nuances of Adventist teaching so you know how to respond and how to redirect your wife as you talk to her. Have you found the Former Adventist Podcast? I suggest that you being listening to them as you commute or are otherwise physically occupied but able to listen. You can find them here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/former-adventist/id1482887969
If you want to begin with the 28 Fundamental Beliefs, we have them grouped as a series so you can hear us “unpack” them and explain what they really mean while contrasting their meaning with the Bible’s teaching on the subject. The fundamental belief podcasts are organized here: https://blog.lifeassuranceministries.org/2021/10/04/inspecting-adventisms-fundamental-beliefs/
Second, I suggest that, even if you are very tired, that you take some time as often as possible to do two things: read Scripture with your children, a little bit every day whenever possible, and read Scripture with your wife every day. I suspect that the best thing you can do to begin having her “see” what the Bible really says is to read it with her. Would she take the time, a little every day, to read a chapter—or even a half chapter—of a book of the New Testament with you?
I suggest you do this with her regularly, using no outside resources. If she tells you she thinks something she reads means something the passage doesn’t say, ask her to show you IN SCRIPTURE how she supports that idea. Reading through Scripture contextually is what helped my husband and me begin to see how wrong our thinking was. We kept bumping into proof-texts that didn’t mean what we were taught they meant when we read them IN CONTEXT. Be prepared to do this for the long haul, if you can. We read through books of the Bible with our Christian neighbors every week for three years, and that process is what launched us out of Adventism.
Remember that we read the Bible as we would read any normal book using all the normal rules of grammar, vocabulary, and context. We must first understand what the passage meant to the first audience before trying to apply it to ourselves. A passage cannot mean something different for us than it meant for the first audience. There may be some differences of application, but the meaning must be the same. The words are infallible and inerrant (which your wife nay not believe, but time will prove that it’s true), and we have to respect the book and read it in the same way we read any other book. We don’t allegorize or spiritualize it. We read it just as it is written.
Third, I suggest that, for yourself, you spend some time each day in the Bible. I would suggest that you spend some time—it doesn’t have to be a lot: maybe 10 or 15 minutes, copying books of the Bible into a notebook, asking the Lord to teach you what they mean.
The Lord will strengthen you; His word is living and reveals all we need for life and godliness and reveals to us the Lord Jesus who is our Savior—and His work is FINISHED!
I also want to suggest that you persistently teach your kids from Scripture what the gospel is, that we do not participate in saving ourselves, but that we are saved entirely by trusting Jesus. Give them the resources to read Scripture for themselves and to see that Jesus declared all foods clean (Mark 7:19), etc. Adventism is truly a dark religion that drags its members deeper and deeper into the despair of never being able to be good enough or to be healthy enough. They believe that vegetarianism keeps the brain healthy so they can hear the Holy Spirit—a completely unbiblical idea. The Holy Spirit can communicate with our spirits even if our brains have been injured or have become demented. God knows how to speak to us through our spirits.
Above all, pray. Second Corinthians 7 is a very helpful chapter on a believer living with an unbelieving spouse. I suggest you read it. And pray that the Lord will show you how to love your wife for Him and lead her persistently to the Lord.
Although we are not currently publishing a printed version of Proclamation! magazine, all our back issues are online here: https://www.lifeassuranceministries.org/
We have also added your name to our weekly Proclamation! email updates. You may need to add the email address LifeAssuranceMinistries@gmail.com to your contacts in order for the email not to be directed toward your Spam folder. These emails will arrive every Friday. Archived articles are available at ProclamationMagazine.com.
You might also enjoy our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/FormerAdventist/featured
Again, I urge you again to subscribe to our podcasts here; many say these help them unpack the Adventism hidden in the recesses of their minds: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/former-adventist/id1482887969
Please feel free to email anytime!
Wrestling With God Over the FAF Podcast
I came across your YouTube appearance on Cultish and have been dabbling with your podcast ever since. It has not been an easy road since I found you guys, and I even had to wrestle a bit with the Lord about if I should continue to listen or not.
I will admit I feel like I’m the temple, and Jesus came in a flipped all my tables over…not in a bad way. Long story short, I grew up Adventist, but I always felt, deep, deep down, that there was something missing. Both my parents are Adventist, but I grew up in a single-mother family home, and there was always fighting. I couldn’t wait to grow up and become Catholic just to get back at them.
As a teenager and into my early 20s, I strayed away but then got baptized into the church when I was 24. It’s been quite a journey since. I met my husband in 2020, and he helped me to realize that there was something not right with Adventism. I fought with him a lot, but as I listened to the 28 Fundamental Beliefs podcast series, all I could think was oh, my word, I’m not the only one going through this. So many parts of what you have said are literally what I grew up with and see in my family.
If EGW was reincarnated, my mom would definitely be her. Now that I am older, I can stand back and see that she is a fanatic, and all she talks about is religion and the end times. Once in a while she’ll come back down to earth, and we spend some mother and daughter time, but I don’t know to get through to a mindset like hers…
Sorry to ramble on, but I just wanted to let you know that I am so deeply grateful for God leading me to you guys and for all the research and effort you guys put into this. I now have a solid ground to stand on, and hopefully, one day, my mother’s spiritual eyes will be opened to the REAL truth.
Please keep me in mind and prayer, God bless you all greatly!!
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you SO much for writing! Praise God He has led you to see what is real and to learn who He is! Adventism is deeply twisted and dark, but it is subtle. It is difficult to see what is wrong. Ultimately, only the Bible reveals our warped worldview and “fixes” our heads and hearts.
If you are interested in joining our weekly FAF Bible Study by Zoom on Friday evenings at 7:00 Pacific Time, just email this address and request a zoom link. I know the time zone is a problem; we do, however, have people from eastern Canada and the USA that join us as well as some from the UK, Bahamas, and so forth.
Please feel free to email anytime. We are happy to address concerns and questions. Above all, ask the Lord to teach you what He knows you need to know. He is faithful! Begin reading Galatians, asking God to teach you.
Again, I’m so glad you wrote; you are not alone.
My Boyfriend Broke Up Because I Refused To Convert
I wanted to say THANK YOU for all that you do to spread the true understanding of the gospel. I came across your podcast and YouTube channel in a pretty interesting way. And if you’ve noticed a spike in views on your videos, it’s most likely me!
I met a wonderful man in 2022 whom I truly believed was sent to me from God as a gift to be my husband. We were so in love. And I was sure that one day we would be married. We were so happy together, but there was a strange barrier between us: he was a Seventh-day Adventist, and I was not. I was a “Sunday Christian”.
At that time, I didn’t know much about Adventism; I figured it was just another church denomination. He would always invite me to go to church with him, so one Saturday I decided to go. I pretty much immediately felt “cult-vibes” as soon as I walked in. And then I noticed the prideful arrogance of the Sabbath school teacher as he said, “All the other churches are wrong, but soon they will see.” I sat there quietly but very uncomfortably through Sabbath School, wondering how no one else around me thought his statements were cultish.
Then, when the actual service began, the speaker kept mentioning Ellen White and reading passages from her books. I immediately felt extremely disturbed by that. But what was even more strange was that no one, including my boyfriend, thought it was problematic. At that point I knew that this church was not one that I was interested in returning to.
I thought that I could just express to my boyfriend that I felt really uncomfortable, and that he would care about how I felt, and we could visit other churches together to find a church home.
I soon found out that the Adventist church and Sabbath-keeping had a much bigger hold on him than I expected. He expressed that he felt like he would be slapping God in the face if he attended a “Sunday-church”, and his argument for keeping the fourth commandment sounded reasonable to me, so I honestly didn’t have a rebuttal for his argument; I just knew it felt wrong for them to quote Ellen White from the pulpit. But he said he didn’t really pay attention to Ellen White..
Whenever we discussed the matter, he would say that I just needed to study the Bible more. He was sure that he could win me over to Adventism ,and then we could continue progressing in our relationship.
But I stood my ground and refused to attend church with him because my spirit felt incredibly uneasy there, and I was uncomfortable with Ellen White. But I couldn’t really put my finger on or express to him exactly why I felt in my spirit that I just could not attend there. I didn’t even know that much about their doctrine at the time.
I have never before been in a situation where I felt like I had to prove and try to convince someone that I was a believer. I love the Lord, and my desire is to serve Him and live a life that is pleasing to Him. But even with very little knowledge of their doctrine, Adventism felt like bondage to me.
A few months ago we had an argument,, and he told me that everything that I believed about the Bible was wrong, that he had “The Truth”, and it was sad that I couldn’t see that. (His declaration reminded me of that arrogance that I witnessed from the Sabbath School teacher at his church.) We broke up that day because I refused to be converted or to have a theological debate with him.
I was and still am distraught about the situation. It’s mind-boggling to me. I had previously never dated a person to whom I felt like I had to prove I was a believer. He made me feel so unholy and sinful. He said he was unequally yoked to me and was leaving me for God—as though I’m a filthy, sinful person. I’m still processing my emotions on the break up, and your podcast has been so helpful in strengthening my understanding of God’s word. I am so thankful for you both.
It wasn’t until after our break-up that I began to really look deeply into the Adventist doctrine. And I was shocked at what I began to uncover. I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to send the videos and resources that I found (including your videos) to my ex. So, I created a playlist with some of your Former Adventist videos along with many others with the hope of waking him up from this deceptive doctrine. I sent the playlist to him, but I haven’t heard back from him. I don’t even know if he has watched them. He has only been an Adventist for a couple years, so I’m praying that God will soften his heart and lead him to true salvation.
I honestly don’t think it was a coincidence that he and I met. I think God brought me into his life to pray for his deliverance and open his eyes to the true gospel. But I also believe that God brought him into my life to help me clearly understand the gospel message, too! If I had never been faced with this situation, I wouldn’t have had to dive into studying the word more deeply. I was raised a Christian, but I didn’t really understand the gospel, and sometimes I would worry about my “salvation status” if I messed up.
This situation with my ex and finding your Youtube channel really opened my eyes and gave me a clear understanding of what Jesus did for me. I gave my life to Jesus again a few weeks after the breakup, but for the first time it felt different. I truly understood the salvation I was receiving this time. And it brought me to tears. It’s like the chains of anxiety and fear of hell broke, and God showered me with peace, love, and assurance. I feel brand new!
Thank you for allowing God to use you!
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you so much for writing! I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can only imagine the shame and rejection you felt after being told he was leaving you for God! I am so, so sorry!
I praise God that He is helping you see reality. You are right; Adventism is dark and false, and the fact that you could feel the spiritual bondage and danger in the church is an evidence of the Holy Spirit in you. Furthermore, your boyfriend’s evaluation of you is an evidence of the spiritual hold Adventism has on him.
You have a good point: his only having been an Adventist for two years does suggest there could be a crack in his armor through which the truth can penetrate. It’s hard to know, though; he definitely needs prayer and a willingness to see Scripture truthfully.
The Lord has released you from this bondage, but He will redeem this in your life. What you have learned both about Adventism and about the gospel as a result of having to dig to understand will forever mark you. The Lord sill use this for His glory.
Please feel free to email anytime. I pray that the Lord will soften your ex’s heart and comfort you and plant you deeply in truth and reality. †
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