KELSIE PETERSEN
Over the past several months, I’ve had a similar conversation with a surprising number of people. The commonality has been that they are all stuck in situations with which they are not happy. They know something is “wrong”; they see where the “right” is, but the closing sentence is always the same: “I just can’t afford to…” And so they go on, living in something they sense to be “wrong”, making do and doing what they need to do to survive, because the cost to cross over to “right” is one they are not willing to pay.
We watched others around us start out resolute to make the decision to move away from the source of the wrong, but as the time grew nearer more and more began to say, “I just can’t afford to…”
Interestingly, my family also faced a situation similar in theme. Something was “wrong”. We knew it. We’d known it for a while, actually, but it was buried, not visible or intrusive into our part of the arrangement. Recently, however, it became unavoidable, imminent. The cost was high. We watched others around us start out resolute to make the decision to move away from the source of the wrong, but as the time grew nearer more and more began to say, “I just can’t afford to…”
I’ve thought in the past several weeks how leaving Adventism—being prepared to walk away from wrong, no matter the cost—has equipped me for other decisions in my life. Some of these have been large decisions, where one path offered relative ease and comfort, and the other would result in disruption, discomfort, and loss. I don’t know quite how to explain it, but having to walk away from everything we knew to be true in Adventism (even though that decision didn’t cost us much in the way of family or relationships), and coming out on the other side, seeing the clear leading of the Lord’s hand—that experience has made it somehow easier to face these mountainous surprises in the years following.
I find there is a uniqueness to my life now, something I don’t often encounter in others who don’t share the experience of leaving something like Adventism. I know what it’s like to leave everything behind. I know; I’ve done it once. I know He has provided for me. I know that the result (that I cannot see in the moment) will be more than enough for me, because it is His. I know that I can trust Him enough to make the hard choice again.
I admit I have a hard time understanding the “I just can’t afford to…” people. I understand the consideration of the immediate, but needing to lean on Jesus in the ways He has led us over the years has taught me that there are outcomes far beyond what I am seeing in front of me. I try to paint that picture for people, but it seems out of reach for many.
A Steep Price
This most recent decision has cost my husband his job—his career, really. It’s a steep price, but as we prayerfully considered our options, the only way forward was this one. Because we’ve seen the unexpected ways the Lord has worked in leading us out of Adventism and through other big life decisions since, we know that there are solutions, plans, and options that we haven’t even thought of yet. So often we become so focused on the thing we see, we forget that there is much that we cannot see. There are ways we cannot see and plans not yet revealed. As we walk in obedience to Him, to what is true and real, it becomes abundantly clear that “all things work together for good for those who love Him, for those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).
…we walk forward knowing that He holds us, and as we obey Him, He will care for us in ways we cannot anticipate.
There will be hills and valleys on this new, uncharted path. I know that it will be difficult in moments, and there will be times I will wonder if we made the right decision, but, ultimately, we walk forward knowing that He holds us, and as we obey Him, He will care for us in ways we cannot anticipate.
I don’t know if there’s a decision you are facing today. Maybe you are still facing the decision of whether or not to leave Adventism; maybe there are other big life decisions that lie before you. Please know that, no matter what, walking in truth and reality toward that to which the Lord is calling you, is always worth it. It may cost you something. It may cost you much. But I know the Lord is faithful, and HE will keep you. No matter the cost. †
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