Colleen and Nikki talk about how they now face their fears now that they are born again and in the body of Christ. Transcription by Gwen Billington.
Nikki: Welcome to Former Adventist podcast. I’m Nikki Stevenson.
Colleen: And I’m Colleen Tinker.
Nikki: And we’re here again with you to do another check-in after another very, very long week. [Laughter.]
Colleen: [Laughter.] For different reasons.
Nikki: Yeah, for different reasons. How has your week gone, Colleen?
Colleen: I have to say that the first two or three days were consumed with a lot of energy thinking about what was happening in our town.
Nikki: Um-hmm.
Colleen: There were a lot of threats on social media flying around, and there were a lot of scary things that were suggested.
Nikki: It’s been a rough time in our – all over our country and all over the world, and usually when we see things like that, it doesn’t touch right in our neighborhoods. And this has been a time of a lot of anxiety. Those threats continue to circulate in the area. What I keep seeing happening is that it’s inciting fear in people. The first response to fear is so often anger, and then the anger is then fueled by a particular worldview, and chaos ensues. And I don’t see a lot of resolution occurring, at least in our area. It’s been a pretty rough week. I know, we live about two miles from where a lot of the threats were occurring, and there were a lot of crowds out early in the week, a lot of really solid citizens out there trying to protect their businesses, but it was also sprinkled with people who were doing a lot of their own threatening, and –
Colleen: Just spoiling for a fight, it seemed like.
Nikki: Yes, yes. Inciting a lot of anger, saying horrible things on both sides, and it was just a really scary thing because what I see happening right now is if one particular group does or says something, then an entire group is held responsible for the actions of a few, no matter which side of any situation we’re talking about, even when we’re dealing with what’s gone on with COVID. It’s just the generalizing that’s occurring in our culture is – it’s inciting a lot of upset. Because of all of the violence and the anger that is so easy to access online – you know, just about every town across the nation has their own town Facebook page, and a lot of these pages people put up videos, they put up pictures, they have screenshots that they’re taking from different sources, and so you have this super condensed, constant pouring out of all of these things that incite either anger or fear that is so accessible now. Having two kids of my own here at home and living so close to where a lot of drama was taking place, it was bringing up in me some stuff that I honestly thought had been long put to bed. When I was – from about nine to 12, I lived in a home with an ex-Army soldier who had a very serious addiction problem, and he was a very violent man when he was under the influence, and so it was a very violent home. So seeing all of this violence was actually bringing up a measure of terror in me that almost didn’t match the threat, although it would have been hard to convince me of that at the time. [Laughter.]
Colleen: [Laughter.]
Nikki: And so the anxiety of trying to figure out how to protect my family while feeling all of this, I became very helpless, even with everything I knew about Scripture, everything I know about who I am in Christ and about the truth of God’s sovereignty, I couldn’t work myself through the panic and anxiety. And so I did something that is actually, at least it has been for me, a very difficult thing to learn how to do as a former Adventist. Inside Adventism, we don’t talk to each other about our weaknesses and our fears and the things that make us feel small. But Christians share their burdens, they share these things with one another, and that’s really easy to talk about when they’re not as vulnerable as some of this, you know.
Colleen: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Um-hmm.
Nikki: It’s easier to talk about some of the basic, you know, financial struggles, work struggles, relationship struggles, but when you start getting into some vulnerable things, it’s harder to do. And I took a risk, and I asked for prayer. I went to our community, the former Adventist community. I went online, and I let them know the struggle and the fear and the threat, and I just have to say thank you to all of those people who came out and were offering Scripture. I was getting Scripture in my inbox, I was getting Scripture on that thread, and people were praying for me. And I could have told myself to go and read all of those passages, and it doesn’t seem like it would have made much of a difference. I tried really hard to think about Scriptures that could calm me. It wasn’t until my brothers and sisters gave those Scripture passages to me, somehow, that it was able to impact me where I needed it.
Colleen: That’s so interesting. There really is something very supportive and powerful about the Body of Christ.
Nikki: Yeah, it was surprising to me to see that. And I got a text from one of our brothers that we go to church with, and one of the things he said to me that rang in my mind for the rest of the week was, “You are safe in His will.” Being willing to be vulnerable with whatever you’re walking through in the Body of Christ yields blessings that are hard to articulate, and I’m just so grateful for the Body of Christ this week.
Colleen: So am I, actually. A very significant thing for me is that we have a Black sister in Christ. We’ve known her for years, a good friend. But we’ve been able to walk together in the morning and have breakfast together a few mornings this week, and it was really amazing to sit with her – our backgrounds are very different. She’s not a former Adventist. And the thing that has distilled out for me from this is that we actually had some really significant, meaningful conversations about our respective childhoods, the things we endured, the things we went through, not even primarily about race, just about how we grew up. We were able to share in a way that was really significant, and I feel like we have bonded, and this wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for all the stuff going on in our towns. This was kind of something that almost was an elephant in the room, and we began to talk with each other about our own levels of fear, the things that have made us sensitive. Being able to talk about something besides the actual race issue made us see each other in new ways, and it’s been very bonding. And it’s been a very big blessing, to see that the Lord has given me sisters and brothers who don’t have my specific background but who share in the Holy Spirit and in Christ as our head, and it’s a closeness that’s different from anything I ever experienced before being a believer.
Nikki: It’s sharing with each other. It’s walking through life with each other, bearing one another’s burdens. And right now a lot of people are bearing burdens of the heart. The events of 2020, it’s beyond ridiculous what this year has brought to our doorstep. Sometimes it makes me laugh; sometimes it makes me cry. [Laughter.] But what’s true is that it’s definitely bringing up a lot in people, and it’s causing people to have conversations, whether heated or otherwise.
Colleen: Uh-huh.
Nikki: But in the Body of Christ, the difference that we have is that we get to do this together, with one Father and a heart that longs to honor Him and to love one another and to share our human experiences. I mean, we have the privilege of walking these years on this planet together.
Colleen: Yes.
Nikki: We will have so many brothers and sisters to meet in heaven, but they will have come from different times and different places with different stories. We have this time together, and to be able to bear this together, no matter our background, like you said. It’s incredible. It’s actually really –
Colleen: It’s a gift from God.
Nikki: And it makes me want to say again, “The church is not quarantined.” I know some people don’t like that phrase, but the Body of Christ is not.
Colleen: No.
Nikki: And we are able to shore one another up with truth and with Scripture and with honest conversations.
Colleen: I think sometimes about the remarkableness that God has put us here at this time. He ordained we would live where we live. He ordained the members of His local body that would be in our lives. We are sharing experiences that will bind us together for eternity because we’re not going to just have erased memories when we’re together in the kingdom. We will share connections that started now because we’re alive in Christ and sharing experiences through Him with each other as part of His Body. This is a special bond that we will always have for eternity with our brothers and sisters. It’s an amazing thing, when I think about it.
Nikki: And I think it’s a vulnerability that isn’t necessarily safe outside of the Body of Christ. I know as an Adventist I had a desire to be known and to be able to share my life experiences with people and to be there for them, but how on earth did you break those barriers of – oh, there were so many, I could list them off, the socioeconomic status, the, you know, what parts of Adventism do you own and what parts do you believe, what kind of – you know, there were so many different things that separated us and made it impossible to trust each other with what we were walking through. There was a lot of reputation management that went on inside Adventism, and then forget about Adventism, even inside the world. You try to have conversations like this with people, and it becomes a fight over who’s right. But in the Body of Christ, we have one truth, one worldview, one Father, and we can unite around that.
Colleen: That’s right. And He’s given us His word, which is the revelation of reality. I cannot overemphasize the impact that has had on my life. I sometimes have had trouble knowing, I feel this way, but I can see that. Which is true? Should I be scared or should I know that this person is safe? I’ve sometimes had such diverse ways of looking at the same situation, not being sure what I can trust. And I can’t overemphasize how significant it is that God’s word is consistent and assures me of the basic elements of truth. I am who I am in Him. He is my Father. Jesus is my head and my brother. They are protecting me, keeping me safe. They are bringing people into my life. They are giving me the knowledge of my salvation, my sanctification. Whatever happens to me, I am safe in Him, and I can trust Him. So I just want to say to all my brothers and sisters out there, if you’re feeling frantic and confused and a little reactive without knowing which direction to turn, God’s word will stabilize you, just like you said, Nikki. And sometimes it takes us to give that to each other, so we know we have people supporting us.
Nikki: So now we’re recording this on a Friday, and a lot of the anxiety that I was dealing with began on Sunday. I asked for prayer, I think on Monday, and I just want to say that after several days of being in prayer and being covered by the prayers of my brothers and sisters and being given Scripture, I am able to walk through what’s going on around us without any of the same struggles that I had earlier in the week. I feel firmly rooted in reality, and I know that I didn’t get there on my own. I know that. I could not – it was not an exercise of will at all. It was God. And He showed me this week how important it is to obey the commands of Scripture and to ask for prayer and to pray for others and to trust Him and to know that we’re safe in His will.
Colleen: And I do want to thank you, Nikki, for being my sister, and knowing that you pray for me is a great comfort in my life.
Nikki: Oh, thank you, Colleen. It is for me. It’s wonderful having you as a mentor and somebody who prays for my family and supports us, and I’m just so grateful for our community of people with our shared background who love the Lord and who want to hold each other up. They understand our struggles, and I can talk about how scary it is to trust people with prayer requests, ’cause they get it! [Laughter.]
Colleen: [Laughter.] So true.
Nikki: So if you’re new to leaving Adventism, maybe you understand, maybe you can identify with what I’m talking about, this anxiety of trusting people with these parts of ourselves that maybe we’re ashamed of or struggle with, but God has placed you in a family, and He’s put you with people who love Him, and because they love Him, they love all who are His, all who are His, and we’re here for each other. And this is a part of our inheritance.
Colleen: Yes.
Nikki: And it’s an honor, it’s an honor to be able to pray for one another. And when we share with each other, we’re sharing the love of Christ.
Colleen: Yeah.
Nikki: If you have questions or comments for us, we’d love for you to write to us at formeradventist@gmail.com. You can visit our website at proclamationmagazine.com for back issues of the magazine or to sign up for our weekly emails, or if you’d like to donate and come alongside the ministry, there is a place for you to do that there. And like us on Instagram and Facebook, and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure you join us for our Hebrews study.
Colleen: Thanks for being with us. Thanks for walking through our reflections of this really pretty startling week. And thank you for being our brothers and sisters in Jesus.
Nikki: We’ll see you next time.
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