DECEMBER 18, 2020
Caught In A Nightmare
I’m caught in a nightmare as my fiancé and I are about to start planning our wedding. He is an Adventist, and I am a non-denominational Christian. I was open to exploring Adventism and was informed by him that it’s just important that I keep the Sabbath with him. Fast forward to a year later. Through my research I have discovered I want nothing to do with becoming a Seventh-day Adventist. Marrying him would be a life of sacrifice of my true faith. We have a wonderful relationship aside from this one heavy topic over which he gets extremely angry and defensive when I try to explain why I don’t agree with it.
What would you suggest for our current situation? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you for writing. You are definitely in a very hard place.
The really sad thing about your situation is that if your fiancé is unwilling to study Scripture and to question Adventism, your life with him would be doomed to increasing heartache. Adventists are taught that they need to marry Adventists, and they are also deeply impressed that their children need to be raised Adventist. If you feel that things are hard now, they will be much harder when you have children.
Adventists have a completely different worldview than Christians have. They use the same words, but they have different definitions for those words, and neither the Adventists nor the Christians usually understand that they are saying different things—but they are.
Adventists do not believe that Jesus completed His atonement at the cross. They do not believe that humans have immaterial spirits that are born dead and must be born again. They believe the Sabbath is the mark that separates the saved from the lost at the end of time, and they believe that Ellen White has prophetic authority and provides the counsel and biblical interpretation they need.
As painful as it is, you need to see your fiancé as an unbeliever. His Jesus is not the same Jesus you know; His Jesus could have sinned, is fallible, and does not have all the attributes of God, such as omnipresence. You need to see this relationship in the light of 2 Corinthians 6:14 where we are instructed not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If you would not date a Mormon, you have to know that dating an Adventist is just as dangerous.
It would be far easier to break up now than after ten years of marriage when things deteriorate and he insists on raising your children Adventist. I have to tell you, Adventists believe they are RIGHT, and they will not budge or give an inch when confronted about their religion. They believe their mandate is to convert those in their lives.
Here are a couple of links that you might find helpful:
Citations for Ellen White’s racism?
I just finished listening to Podcast, “Did Ellen White Teach Racism?” by Colleen Tinker and Nikki Stevenson, and I heard them talking about racism, regional conferences, and racism in the church.
I am kindly asking for the source of the quotation where Ellen White was talking about racism or related to racism that you have quoted.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: here is a link to the article with all the quotes I used in the podcast plus other information. All are cited. ADVENTISM’S RACIST LEANINGS IGNORED IN CHARLOTTESVILLE STATEMENT
How I Stop the Adventists
May the peace and mercy of the Lord be with you and all in your ministry.
I thank the Lord everyday for you and all in your ministry for helping people to know the danger of false doctrines (especially the ones deliberately coated with half-truth and half-lies)…
Regarding the question I have asked Adventist pastors and members about the investigative judgment, I have gotten many different responses from many different people. It’s so sad that all their answers were (1) not the same; (2) gotten from different sources; (3) even at times contrary to what someone else in the Adventist organization said it was…
I said to three pastors in particular that when they get a unified answer about the investigative judgment, that’s when they should be talking about it. For now, they should stop talking about it.
I thank God that I now have just one question that can send any “truthful” Adventists away when they come wishing to preach to me. The question is: can you show me where to find the investigative judgment in the Bible?
At first they want to take up the challenge, but they eventually realize that it’s a mammoth task because it’s an EXTINCT FALSE DOCTRINE.
Their failure to answer this question without betraying that they have no answer always makes them stop bothering me or coming to preach to me again because I tell them I will not listen to any other thing they have to say until they show me in the Bible where the investigative judgment and the sanctuary doctrine can be found. I’m glad to tell you that most of the people who took up the challenge to find the IJ in the Bible never came back even when I write to them again. They always block my contact information.
—VIA EMAIL
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Dear Caught in a Nightmare,
Every relationship is different, but I want to offer you some things to think about from my experience. My husband is a third generation SDA and I am a non-demoninational Christian. When we dated, & for the early years of our marriage, he worked on Saturdays, never attended services, and didn’t even read the Bible. Religion was a non-issue. Our having children, combined with all the “signs” that he believes indicate we are in the last days, prompted him to insist we begin to study the Bible, Ellen G. White, and most importantly keep Sabbath. I had no strong religious background at the time, so I was open to learning more. Now, after having read and studied the entire Bible several times, as well as many of EGW’s writings, I know that that SDA theology is in error, at best, and at worst is heretical and diminishes Christ and his sacrifice. When I try to discuss these issues my husband, like your fiance, also becomes angry and defensive. There will be no reasoning or compromise in this, I have tried for years.
Now, my husband may believe what he chooses, and it would be fine if he gave me the same respect, but SDAs believe to the marrow of their bones that non SDA are of Babylon, don’t understand, are being misled by Satan, etc. So it’s not just that they think you’re wrong, but that you, and everyone who isn’t SDA, are evil. A marriage with disdain & contempt for your partner’s beliefs is not a comfortable situation.
I would ask yourself- are he and his family willing to respect you regardless of your beliefs? Can you respect him? How would you feel about your kids being indoctrinated into the SDA worldview? What about them not being allowed to participate in extracurriculars like sports, birthday parties, anything that have performances or games on Saturdays, secular Christmas traditions, get togethers with your family on Saturdays, future jobs you may want that include work on Saturday, etc. How would you feel about your joint finances being used for tithe to the SDA church? What if he feels like the end is here and wants you to move “out of the city”? There’s a lot to consider, and I pray you’ll be guided in the right direction.