FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM

By Jenny Shaw

 

As a child I remember looking at the pictures in my parents’ Bible Readings for the Home Circle and being frightened by an image of a tiny human figure standing before a huge depiction of the two tables of the Ten Commandments, surrounded by an innumerable host of angels.

Further adding to my childhood fears were the words of a hymn we used to sing:

The judgement has set, the books have been opened
How shall we stand in that great day
When every thought and word and action
God the righteous judge shall weigh.

One might well ask how we shall stand!! My desperate situation was even stated in Romans 2:12, 13:

All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law and all, who sin under the law will be judged by the law. For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.

What hope was there for me? As I got older and attended an Adventist college, I tried harder and harder to live “the victorious life” that was imperative if I was to stand in the judgement. Every day I faithfully read a chapter from The Desire of Ages. I attended prayer groups, Bible classes, chapel services, taught Sabbath School classes, and regularly went door-to-door “witnessing”. 

I even wrote a letter to my elementary school teacher apologizing for a lie I had told. Years before, I had to finish a sewing assignment involving hand-sewing buttonholes on a blouse I had made. I sewed most of them, but the project had gone past my bedtime, and my mother told me to go to bed and she would finish the sewing. The next day the teacher asked me if I had sewed the buttonholes (obviously some looked better than others!) and I had said “Yes”. This lie still worried me years later lest my name come up and I faced judgement with unconfessed sin! 

Even though I couldn’t think of any other unconfessed sins, deep down I knew I wasn’t ready to stand in that judgement scene etched in my memory from the picture of that tiny person standing in front of a huge Law. 

I married an Adventist minister and kept trying to follow all the directives of the “Spirit of Prophecy”, but all the time I was haunted by the certainty that though I had tried my very best, I was still no nearer to being ready to face the judgement. 

 

A glimmer of hope

 There was a rather eccentric old lady who attended our church and who wore a large badge saying, “Jesus Saves”. One day she asked me if I was saved. I replied: “I hope so—I’m being saved.” I was rather taken aback when she said that she was saved; I thought that answer was rather presumptuous! 

As time went on I began to experience spiritual depression. I felt that living a sinless life was an impossible task. In retrospect, I was right. In fact, my problem was far more than “sins”. My problem was and is “sin”—a state I will never escape until “this corruption puts on incorruption”. 

What more could I do? I read books like The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life, The ABCs of Prayer, and other “how to” books, but none gave me any assurance.

Then I heard a sermon on Romans 6:14: “We are not under the law but under grace.” I read that verse over and over, and at last a glimmer of hope appeared. However, my understanding of the verse was that we are not under the law as a method of salvation but that the law is still a standard for Christians, especially the fourth commandment!

I read in Romans 4:3 that Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness, but I equated “righteousness” with forgiveness, or wiping my slate clean from past sins but leaving me to go on working hard to maintain my standing before God. In fact, this understanding of “righteousness” is another Adventist “hook”. I saw that trusting God meant I could be forgiven, but I had been taught that “sanctification is the work of a lifetime”. In other words, after being forgiven for my past sins, I had to work hard for the rest of my life to overcome future sins in order to be found worthy of salvation.

I now felt like the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 who had “come to his senses” and returned home to his Father and confessed. After confessing, though, the prodigal added that he was “no more worthy to be called a son” and wanted to work off his debt by becoming a hired servant. In other words, my understanding of how I could be saved was still righteousness by works!

I was still trapped. By that time I had read Ronald Numbers book Prophetess of Health and The White Lie by Walter Rea. Those books had convinced me that Ellen White was not an authority and had freed me from dependence on her interpretations of Scripture. In addition, Desmond Ford’s exposure of the false teaching of the investigating judgement had further opened my eyes and somewhat lessened my old fears. Then I attending one of his meetings and heard someone asked him, “So when was the antitypical Day of Atonement if not in 1844?” 

He answered, “At the Cross!” 

How could we have been so confused? As Jesus died He said, “It is finished.” Atonement for sin was complete—the veil into the Most Holy place in the temple was ripped open, giving us direct access to God’s righteousness

At this point in my journey I came across an online series of sermons by Tim Keller based on the story of the Prodigal Son. I listened to them many times and began to see how God receives us when we come to Him. Just as He immediately covered the boy’s rags with the best robe and placed a ring on his finger to indicate that he now had all the rights of sonship, I realized that I, too, was accepted, and that Jesus had paid my debt—all of it. I was not just forgiven, but I was now an honored guest at His table. Luke 15:23,24 taught me that God was actually pleased with me and wanted to celebrate with me. This story actually applied to me!!

“This ‘daughter’ of mine was dead and is alive again; ‘she’ was lost and is found.”

What joy to be given a new identity and to be accepted unconditionally into the family of God!

In England, citizens who are to be honored are invited to Buckingham Palace to appear before the Queen and to receive from her a title or knighthood. They enter the palace as normal citizens, but after their encounter with the Queen, they leave elevated to a new status and identity. From then on they are to be addressed as “Sir” or “Dame”.

I realized that my encounter with Jesus had given me a new status and identity as a child of God.

 

No more fear

If I had studied Romans right through instead of jumping from proof text to proof text, I would have found Romans 3:20-24:

Therefore no-one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

BUT NOW a righteousness from God APART FROM THE LAW has been made known to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to ALL WHO BELIEVE. There is no difference for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ.

Phew! There is a righteousness “APART from the law”, and I was “justified FREELY by his grace”. What a relief! 

There just remained one “hook”: what was I to do with the Sabbath? Much reading, studying, and questioning followed, but when I carefully and prayerfully studied Galatians, I realized that the law was in force only until Christ came (Gal. 3:18,19).

So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith, Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law. (Gal.3:24,25).

Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into his grace in which we now stand (Rom. 5:1).

How wonderful to know that I had gained access to God’s grace, not through my efforts at keeping the law, not through my Sabbath keeping, but solely because of the Lord Jesus Christ who loved me and gave himself for me —peace at last!

Romans 8:16, 17 assured me of my new status:

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.

What an honor! Now I belong to Christ, and I am His child. I’m secure within His family and His love. I’m still a sinner—far worse than I ever imagined, but God is far better than I ever hoped. Like the Prodigal Son, I’m covered by the Father’s robe because on the cross Jesus dealt with my sin. Now nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Because of Jesus I can now focus, not on my sin but on my Savior, not on what I do but on what He has done—on His perfect righteousness credited to my account.

Now I can respond to God, not with fear but with endless gratitude that I’m honored and accepted as God’s child. Now I can live to serve the One who loved me and gave Himself for me, not to earn His favor but because of the beauty of what He is and what He’s done. Now I can serve Him because I want to know Him, resemble Him, delight in Him, and share in His work of saving souls.

Jesus came not to bring judgement but to bear judgement. So I need no longer live in fear of that judgement scene picture from my childhood. On the cross, Jesus was treated as if He’d done everything that I have done so that I can be treated as if I have done everything that he has done. 

Therefore there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1). 

My fear is gone, I’ve been set free. I know I’m IN CHRIST because He promised that if I come to Him, He won’t cast me out (Jn. 6:37). I’m his child, resting in His love, secure that there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, and there is nothing I can do to make God love me less.

It is not what I do that counts, it is what He has done.

I rest in His love, and perfect love casts out fear. †

 

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Jenny Shaw is a former Adventist rejoicing in the good news of the gospel. She used to practice as a Family Therapist. She and her husband John are now retired in a beautiful coastal village surrounded by a national park about two hours north of Sydney, Australia. They have two adult sons and two grandchildren. They regularly attend the local Presbyterian Church.