By Phil Harris
Prolog
On August 28th my dear Janeane and I will have been married 53 years. However, as I begin this blog, I am sitting in front of my computer, all alone, because my wife is about 200 miles away recovering from surgery that could only be done by a specialist in Portland, Oregon.
These assuring words of our Savior Jesus Christ give me peace:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ’What shall we eat?’ or ’What shall we drink?’ or ’What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble (Mt. 6:25-34).
Before focusing on the present day and what is happening now in our marriage, it will provide some context for me to step back to a time when I was more interested in myself than in fulfilling the needs of my family. In fact, I am remembering a time of separation from my wife which was much different than this present time of being apart. In the years since that devastating separation, we have chosen to live by faith knowing “all these things will be added” to us.
Rebuilding
This former time apart lasted about two years. Janeane, my wife, moved as far away from me as she could get, and I believed would never see her again. We lost our home and almost everything else we had thought was important. During that time I was rebuilding my own life, seeking to understand who I really was and what the foundation was for my behavior.
One lonely night when I was in a very dark place, from deep within my soul, I suddenly realized that there was something in my life that I had been unwilling to address. I had already renounced Adventism. I had met the Lord Jesus through some Christian friends, and I knew I was secure in the kingdom of God. I had even been well-taught scripturally and had adopted good biblical doctrines centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Yet that night, I faced the fact that there was something in me that I had been unwilling to confront. This foundational thing had to do with my Adventist training, and it controlled my inner self.
That night which began very dark, I learned something glorious about my Savior. I learned that Jesus Christ who died at Calvary to bring me, a sinner, into the kingdom of God, is also my Lord who leads me in an ongoing work—his work of sanctification in my life of the flesh. I realized that deep within me was the false belief that I must somehow overcome the practices of the flesh on my own.
The Adventist doctrine that we can overcome sin and live perfectly in the same way that Jesus did is a false doctrine. It comes from the pit of hell and ultimately leads us to despair.
With this sudden understanding came a torrent of pent-up anger. I cried out bitterly, beating on the walls around me with hatred for Ellen White. Seeing my lingering inner belief of “self-works” as sin for the first time, I confessed it to the Lord. As I prayed, I calmed down and realized I no longer had hatred for Ellen; my rage had been replaced with sorrow for her instead.
With prayer I vowed to the Lord that regardless of what my wife would decide to do, I would remain single rather than remarry if she decided to divorce me. With that vow I had my first night of peaceful sleep in a very long time.
The Apostle Paul, speaking specifically to fellow Jewish Christians (Rom. 7:1), describes his own struggle of the flesh:
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin (Rom. 7:21-25).
The very next day when I came home from work, I had a phone call. It was my wife. She wanted to return and put our marriage back together. I cried with joy. God is faithful in spite of who I am. Jesus isn’t just Savior, he is Lord.
Our New Beginning
I arranged for Jan to have an apartment near where I was living, and we began the process of rebuilding our lives and dating, just like when we first met. Things went really well, and we then moved onward toward the next step.
It was time to find a place to live together in our own home, but the search for the right house proved to be a challenge. We wanted to stay in the country instead of moving into town. We both agreed we wanted our own home instead of renting, but in this area of western Washington, having one’s own home translates into finding property, clearing the land, bringing in all the utilities, and then building or purchasing a mobile home to put on the land. In addition, we had agreed never to resort to unneeded debt for the rest of our lives.
Our searching stretched on and on; we were becoming depressed with what we were finding—or rather, with what we were NOT finding—but we believed God had a plan for us. So we prayed and rested in faith that there would be an answer.
Almost immediately after we decided to trust God with providing a place for us, an amazing thing happened. I was living with a couple who owned some land, and they knew Jan and I were looking for a place to buy. They approached us and offered to sell us the property next to them on a personal note.
Overwhelmed with this almost unheard-of offer that was an obvious answer to our prayers, we agreed. In faith, we have been living daily within the providence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ ever since.
Now that we finally had land, we had to consider what to do for a house. Another Christian couple had just completed building their new home when they learned that the county demanded that their existing mobile home be moved off their property. To comply with this demand, they offered to sell the mobile to us, but they needed cash to cover their construction debts. The county demanded immediate removal, but we did not have enough cash to purchase the mobile outright. Thankfully, our friends agreed to let us lease it until we could find the cash.
The whole process of getting that mobile home onto our property had many uncertain moments. Before we could permanently install it, we had to complete a daunting series of steps to prepare the land: first, it had to be cleared. Then we had to dig trenches and bring in utilities, and we had to dig a well and provide a water source prior to the well’s completion. We were often overwhelmed, but again we prayed with every new crisis, acting on faith in God’s provision. He did not fail us. At every step, a solution to our need would come through the providence of God. For instance, until we could put in our own well, our water came from next door.
The mobile home was finally on our land in March of 1988. Many people had helped us. Even the building, sanitation, and electrical inspectors went out of their way to be helpful.
Not long after we moved our mobile onto our land, I left my employment and drew out my retirement with the faith that God would never abandon us when it came time for me to retire. This withdrawal enabled us to pay for the mobile, put in a well, and get the land surveyed so I would know where the property lines are and put in needed fences.
Within a month of not having employment, I found a temporary job driving truck at a local food processing plant which is a short six-minute drive from home. Since I had simply prayed for work that came with a short commute, this driving position seemed to be another answer to prayer. I retired from this “temporary” job twenty-three years later.
Ever Growing Faith
While our ongoing faith in the sure promises of God has developed in many other important ways in the intervening years, I wish now to focus on our faith during present day events. Because of a medical issue that could not be resolved locally, my wife was referred to a surgeon about two hundred miles away in Portland, Oregon. It took a great deal of faith for both of us even to consider pursuing this referral because of our limited income. We don’t even own a vehicle that could safely travel that distance. We were unsure how to proceed but asked the Lord to lead us.
The first of a series of blessings assuring us of God’s provision occurred when our next door neighbor and friend of many years volunteered to take us to Portland as many times as required. We were overwhelmed; navigating Portland, even if we had a suitable car, was daunting. I had already encountered Portland driving when we went to Jan’s consultation last December. I had never driven in that city before, and we became lost. We found our way to the appointment on time, however, because of a mental picture I had of the Portland streets.
The surgery date was set that day for April 23. I had been told that I would be able to stay with Jan in the hospital, but when it was time for the surgery, we learned that she would be in the intensive care ward post-operatively. I would not be able to stay. Knowing there would be many follow-up issues to resolve, I was very concerned about returning home instead of being near her. Just before they rolled her into surgery, though, Jan very calmly looked at me and said, “I am in good hands here, so go home.”
I returned home with my neighbor.
The next blessing came in the form of my many Oregonian cousins (mostly Adventists) who came to visit Jan during her recuperation. One couple, in fact, came all the way from eastern Oregon. Another cousin whom my wife didn’t even know volunteered to bring her clothes and personal items that she was lacking after she had been transferred to a rehab facility. Another couple who were long-time friends of Jan visited her every few days and offered to bring her home in their motor home when se was discharged. As it turned out, there would have been no other way to get her home; our neighbor, who had already taken us to Portland three times, had surgery of his own the day before Jan’s return.
After five weeks away from home, on May 29, Jan arrived. She was rested and thrilled to be back after traveling in style in the motor home of my Adventist cousins. They stayed with us four days before returning home via a loop up around the Olympic Peninsula. Meanwhile, we all reminisced about old times and caught up on our current events. I learned that they have their own issues with Adventism, but they do understand the biblical gospel, knowing that “church membership’ has nothing to do with salvation. At the same time, they have questions concerning eternal security. God knows how to impress truth into their minds.
As for myself, I have learned that when I live by the promises of God, faith is an ever-deepening experience. During the five weeks I was alone at home, I was extremely busy doing things I never seemed to get done otherwise. At the same time, however, I’ve been blessed in many astounding ways that I would not have known if I had not had to lean on the Lord during the uncertain weeks while I waited for my wife to be able to return.
Summary
Our Savior says; “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness…do not be anxious about your life….sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
As an Adventist I never had peace. The principle of Adventist life was always, “Work, and you might find peace.” In fact, it took many years for me to escape from this embedded practice even after leaving Adventism. We must truly trust in the promises of God and live by faith, because without biblical faith, there can be no peace. †
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