KELSIE PETERSEN
I‘m nothing if not human, of that I am sure. As the deadline for this piece neared, I noticed that I was feeling an increasing sense of futility over what to write. I thought back to the last time I posted, and realized that…not much has changed. Life has gone ahead at full speed, I’m not sure where January went, and though February was tainted with a level of sadness due to missing out on being able to attend the FAF Conference in person, it seemed that it was still jam-packed full of “life,” though our options are still extremely limited due to local restrictions that seem more and more suffocating with each passing week.
As I sat down to write, I flipped through my past pieces, feeling like I sometimes say the same things over and over again. I was struck by my words from October about seasons, that while the lack of permanence is a guarantee in this life, that means that while sometimes good seasons come to an end, so do the hard ones. It was a good reminder for me to see, in my own words, the encouragement of that fact, but as I read, I was also reminded that, especially in Canada, some seasons are longer than others. Winter is certainly the longest season which makes the fact that it is my least favorite even more poignant. Ironically, winter seems to be dragging out far longer than I had thought it would, both the literal winter and the more figurative one in which I find myself.
I noticed that I felt a bit guilty not being able to come roaring back from my last post in which I admitted my struggle to keep going through discouragement and the difficulty of seeing “the other side” of all that is going on around us. It seems a little drab, and I feel a little ashamed to admit, that I am still experiencing discouragement in the difficulty. I know that I am likely somewhat unique in that I am still living amidst snowbanks and below freezing temperatures, and while daylight is lengthening, it still feels dark a lot of the time. It’s the time of year when the winter doldrums and impatience for spring typically settle in hard, and since I missed my yearly “escape” to sunny California, I am feeling those doldrums extra keenly this year.
My kids are tired of having to don all of their head-to-toe winter gear, and getting them outside is an extra fight, even though the weather has “warmed up” significantly over the past week or so. Added to these winter issues, my area is still under some of the most limited Covid-19 restrictions there are currently, and because of these and my personal limitations, I am still longing to be able to see a real, smiling person, IN person (it’s been almost three months). I want to be able to say “God is good and I am FINE!” But only half of that declaration feels true.
Yesterday I managed to steal away a few minutes with my headphones as video games kept my kids occupied for a little while. Headphones are a necessity when three boys play video games because, contrary to what I would have thought before reaching this season, it is a very LOUD activity! They play together, and there is always someone shouting at someone—whether in encouragement or angst, one can never be sure. At any rate, I cranked up the volume on my phone, opened up my music app, and tried to focus on the paperwork in front of me. That morning, I had been reminded of a song from almost two decades ago by a worship leader named Brian Doerksen. I looked it up and set the whole album to play.
I quickly had to set my pen down when the second song entitled “Everlasting” came on. Being a musician and lover of (almost) all kinds of music, I was transported by the the symphonic intro that poured into my ears followed by the upbeat addition of the more modern instruments. I saw myself back at a worship conference I attended shortly after leaving Adventism; there, Brian was debuting the music from this album. It was significant to me then, as someone newly understanding the full nature of God and His sovereignty. As I listened to it yesterday, however, the lyrics rang richer and deeper than they had before.
The lyrics, couched in Scripture (particularly Psalm 90:2), sang in my ears, and even though I didn’t feel particularly aware of my discouragement and difficulty, the words seemed to seep into my soul. I’m posting the lyrics here, but as I was reading them on the screen, I feel I need to encourage you to click the link here and listen for yourself, especially as the last four lines sung by the choir weave themselves together amongst the orchestral strings, guitars, keys and (gasp) drums.
Everlasting
(Brian Doerksen)
From everlasting to everlasting You are God
From everlasting to everlasting You are God
In holiness you stand secure through culture’s shifting sands
Unchanged by all the vanities of man
And as the nations rise and fall your sovereignty remains
You are You are You are the One True God
From everlasting to everlasting You are God
From everlasting to everlasting You are GodIn faithfulness your love extends through times of turbulence
Adopting those who call upon your name
And every generation joins in songs of grateful praise
You are You are You are the One True God
From everlasting to everlasting You are God
From everlasting to everlasting You are God
Eternal immortal invisible God
Eternal immortal invisible God
As these lyrics and the music filled my ears and my heart, I found myself weeping in worship, relief, and gratitude at the kitchen table as my kids played in the next room. It seemed that, while I had a clear understanding of the truths in this song when I first heard it all those years ago, they struck me in a new and deeper way that afternoon.
This has been a theme I experience again and again in my life as a believer. I will encounter some Scripture, a new-to-me revelation from Scripture about the gospel or the Lord Jesus, or some other theology that Adventism had twisted and contorted, and it is impactful. But, over the ensuing months and years, it seems these things are revisited again and again, in a deeper, more significant, meaningful way. It seems that as I move through my earthly life, the Lord keeps bringing me back to these foundational truths, revealing them to me in increasing meaning and depth.
I was tempted to blame (or credit) my deeper response to this song yesterday to the nearly 20 years of life experience I have now, compared to the barely-20-something young woman I was when I heard this song for the first time “way back then,” but I know that my life is a tapestry, and He is weaving all the parts together in perfect timing and harmony, creating me as His handiwork.
I think that we who were “raised in the church,” albeit the Adventist church, may often forget to ponder the significance of these words: Everlasting, Eternal, Immortal.
My nine-year-old son was trying to wrap his head around the idea of God’s eternality the other day, and I had to laugh at the way his face scrunched up and his eyes got big. It seemed that the wheels were turning so hard, springs and screws might start popping out of his ears! While I’ve “known” about God’s eternal power for awhile now and am past the spring and screw-popping stage (thank goodness, I’m not sure how many I can spare at this point!) still, when I think now about the eternality of the Lord, I am filled more with awe, worship, and gratitude.
The implications of this attribute are enormous. When I stop to ponder a God who not only HAS BEEN and WILL BE in all of time, but because He transcends time, He currently exists in ALL the past, present and future (omnipresence), and add in His omniscience (ALL knowing, even down to the fact that I just sneezed)—as I began to realize the true meanings of these things after leaving Adventism, what I am left with is a trust and love so deep that I don’t feel I will ever find the bottom of it. I may lose sight of it in my human fragility, but just as a cloudy day does not remove the sun, my fleeting forgetfulness does not change the reality.
I am so thankful that the Lord continues to bring these deep truths to the forefront of my mind and heart, strengthening and deepening my knowledge and faith. I’m especially thankful that this time, He chose one of my favorite avenues: music. I have been continually strengthened and encouraged through song over these past months, and I hope you will be able to draw some encouragement from this song today.
As I wait for this winter season to pass, not knowing if the figurative one will outlast the literal one, I know that, despite my feelings, despite culture’s shifting sands, the rise and fall of nations or times of turbulence, from everlasting to everlasting, HE is God. †
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