ADVENTISTS SAY I’M HURT

By Kelsie Petersen

I’m a people person, an extrovert through and through. While I often prefer in-person conversation with other humans, as a mom of young children living in a rural area, I often have limited personal contact. Consequently, the novelty of social media and the conversation it allows has been a virtual (pun intended) life saver for me over the past decade. It has also allowed me to connect with literally hundreds of former Seventh-day Adventists and to hear their stories. I am endlessly intrigued by who people are, how they came to be who they are, and where they are, and I’m usually willing to listen for as long as anyone is willing to talk.

If you were to ask me the ONE thing most of these former Adventists have in common, my answer would be this: they have all been told that they left the church because they were angry, bitter, and/or hurt. They might have been directly informed of this “fact” by a well-meaning friend or family member, or even by a relative stranger on the internet. Those words might even have come in the form of a vague, second-party apology, such as “I’m so very sorry that you were treated badly in the church and that people hurt your feelings.”

I heard it again just this week. A comment was made that if the group being addressed weren’t so hurt and angry about their “Adventist experience,” maybe we would all just “move on.” We would preach the gospel to unbelievers and move on with our lives. We would give Adventism credit for the progress it is making in being “kinder” and more “gospel focused.”

While I ultimately appreciated the comment because it gave rise to a wonderful and encouraging discussion of how interaction and fellowship with other former Adventists who are now believers is helpful and edifying, the comment still bothered me. This kind of thing doesn’t surprise me anymore, but such statements are so often loaded with false assumptions and mischaracterizations, as well as just plain untruth, that they can get me pretty upset. 
 
Hurt and anger

I would never suggest that no one has ever left the Adventist church due to hurt or even anger. I would never even suggest that those of us who have left for doctrinal reasons are not hurt or angry over the way we may have been treated in the process. The sad, difficult, and terrible stories I have heard, if written out, could probably fill volumes and volumes.

The thing is, no one wants to be perceived as petty, or as having made a major life decision over a minor offense. But here’s the thing: the hurt and anger that we have experienced as a result of our association with Adventism is real and valid.

Perhaps you were, in effect, shunned when you left the church, or even when you simply began to question. Perhaps you poured everything you had into the church, trying to be the change you wanted to see, to enact a transformation of sorts from the inside, only to come up burnt out and shut down. Perhaps you were told you were going to hell. Perhaps you lost your job or even your family. Maybe you were lied to, stolen from or abused. It is good and right that we should feel anger and hurt over these things, and even over this treatment being meted out on others. It is unjust and wicked, and the Lord hates it, especially when it is being done in “His” name. 

I don’t know whether the people who suggest that we left because we are hurt or angry are purposely trying to shame us or if they are simply repeating the only explanation that makes sense to them.

For myself, I remember several families coming into our small Adventist church over the years, usually through a prophecy seminar, and then after several months, they would stop coming. I was young and have no way of knowing now why they actually quit coming, but it was always whispered that “someone” must have hurt their feelings, and wasn’t it sad that they let “people” get in the way of coming to church.

Until I myself, left the church, I really had no concept of the possibility that someone would leave for doctrinal reasons. It just wasn’t a plausible explanation in our world. Now, on the other side of the fence, I have had many, many conversations with people whose doctrinal convictions were ignored while they were labelled “hurt” or “angry”. In fact, to have one’s convictions ignored while being told what one must feel is dismissive and insulting.

Whether intentional or not, this categorizing of formers as “hurt and angry” creates a distraction from the real issue: Adventism is shaped by false doctrine. As I have come to see more clearly the differences between the perspective of a believer and of a Seventh-day Adventist, I am more and more aware of the need for this distinction: I, like so many others, left the religion of my youth because of truth, not emotion.

Adventist experience

Sometimes Adventists say condescendingly, “I’m sorry you had a bad experience in the church.” This remark leaves me feeling like I have to recount my entire life story to prove that I did NOT leave because my time as an Adventist was bad. In the interest of honesty, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses, and I had my frustrations with the conservative tendencies of the church (which I did not connect at the time to their deep theological need to remain tied to Ellen White), and there were people who were less than kind to me. Nevertheless, as difficult as these experiences were, they are not even a small part of the reason why I left Adventism. 

When I hear people say that so-and-so left because of a “bad experience in the church” or because of being “hurt and angry”, I always feel as if the accuser questions the intelligence of the one who left. There is an underlying assumption that anyone who truly understands Adventism could never intelligently leave; therefore, the only logical explanation is emotion. It feels a bit like being patted on the head and told, “Don’t be silly, come back to (the church).”

Again, this comment effectively creates a distraction from discussing the real reasons why most people leave: false doctrine and false teaching. 

Moving on

“Why don’t you just move on with your life? You left the church, so go and focus on your new church and your new life.”

I have seen this rebuke time and time again in online discussions, even among former Adventists. These words can create guilt in one newly “out” and processing the implications of the Adventist worldview. We formers don’t want to appear to be holding grudges or to be carrying unnecessary baggage. We don’t want to be seen as “that person” who only focuses on the past. 

The truth is, while we do not want to glory in the sin of our pre-conversion lives, how can we not look back for those who are still trapped in this false system? I have heard the saying “There are things that, once you see them, you cannot ‘unsee’ ever again.”

I absolutely believe that those of us who have left Adventism do not all have the same “assignment” of ministering to those still in Adventism. In fact, the online world, I have seen people enter groups and forums, be very active for a time, and then, when they feel grounded in their faith and established in a home church, they become much less active in former Adventist circles. Sometimes they even remove themselves from the groups. Then there are those who become grounded, but stay around for the camaraderie. There’s nothing quite like a knowing smile (even a virtual one) from someone who “knows” what you mean when you say “haystack” or “Stripples.” It can be therapeutic, and yes, entertaining, to keep former Adventist contacts in one’s circle.

There are still others who remain very active in engaging and connecting with the numbers of people who are constantly making first contact with their questions and misgivings about Adventism. I believe it is imperative that we allow each other the freedom to move towards or away from ministry to current or questioning Adventists, depending on where the Lord is taking us.

That being said, one never knows the opportunities the Lord might place in front of us! It is of utmost importance that we understand and make ourselves ready and able to explain the pitfalls and false doctrines of Adventism to anyone we might encounter. 

To the person who says I should “move on” with my life now that I have left Adventism, I say “That is exactly what I am doing!” I am living in the freedom I have in Christ, and I am “going back” for those who are still there, those who are as I was: unaware of the horrific implications of their pleasant sounding doctrines, and unaware of the depth to which they pervert the finished work of Christ on the cross. Just as I could not walk away from a burning building, knowing there were still people alive inside, sleeping and unaware of the flames, I cannot wash my hands of Adventism and walk away while people perish inside. 

“Preach the gospel to unbelievers”

I have to admit that this comment, when given as advice from an Adventist to a former Adventist born-again believer, makes me smile a little bit. As Adventists, our prime candidates for evangelism were “other” Christians! After all, we told ourselves, they already believed in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. All we had to do was set them straight on the Sabbath and the state of the dead (and a few other pesky things like the investigative judgement and the true nature of “the Trinity”), and our work was done!

While I did not leave Adventism until my mid-twenties, I became a born-again Christian at the age of 12 (although I would like to clarify that I became a Christian in spite of my Adventist education and learning, not because of it). I spent over 12 years trying to take what I was learning from my Christian friends, from my non-denominational Christian school, and “introduce it” to my Adventist church. I was sure that if we could just inject a little more “grace” into our church culture, if we could sing a few “worship choruses” instead of only hymns during church—if we could be less judgmental, surely “we” would have the whole package!

I remember thinking that it would be so nice if my Christian friends would just “accept the Sabbath,” and then they would be Christians “all the way!” While I had far less contact with my Christian friends after graduating from high school and moving on to attend an Adventist University, I was still absolutely positive that more “grace”, more worship choruses, and less judgmentalism were all that stood between the rest of Christianity and the “Sabbath truth.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

In the months and years following our exit from Adventism, I continued to be more and more shocked, and frankly, horrified, at the ways in which Adventist teachings twist nearly every major tenet of the Christian faith. While I am absolutely certain that there are those who are in the Adventist church today who are, like I was, born again believers, I am equally certain that it is in spite of Adventist teachings, and not because of them. I pray daily, and am convinced that anyone who is truly born again will not be able, spiritually, to remain in the Adventist church for long.

That being said, I choose to approach Adventist individuals with the assumption that they are not born again. This position doesn’t mean that I come with a condescending, “let me teach you something” attitude, but I want to be careful and clear with my words and terms, knowing that the Adventists are more than likely defining words much differently than I am, often without even knowing it. I also want to be sure that I share the gospel very clearly.

You see, by preaching the gospel to Adventists, it is very likely that we ARE preaching the gospel to unbelievers. As has been made clear so many times on this blog site and through all the amazing resources available here, Adventism has a different gospel and a different Jesus. As an Adventist, I had no idea that this was the case. Adventism lied to me about what Christians believed and didn’t believe, and the resulting cognitive dissonance kept me from searching the truth out for myself. This confusion is what still traps our Adventist loved ones. Jesus commanded us to preach the gospel, and few need the true gospel more than those who are believing a gospel that is false. 

Give Adventism Credit!

“But the church is changing!” “The church I went/go to is very grace-oriented!” “We don’t talk about EGW. Our pastor never mentions her from the pulpit. He only uses the Bible.” “You are being too nit-picky.” 

Someone once told me that my testimony is my most powerful tool, because no one can argue with my experience. Well, in MY experience, this idea has proven to be completely false because time and time again, my Adventist experience has been dismissed as “just your bad experience”. Meanwhile, the dismissive Adventist promotes his positive experience as legitimate. I’m sure this negation of one’s learning the gospel and “seeing” Adventism has happened to many others as well. 

I believe that as long as the Adventist organization has been in existence, there have been groups within it that range from more conservative to more progressive. I believe that people are telling me the truth when they say that their pastor focuses on grace, and never (or rarely) mentions EGW from the pulpit. The difficulty I have with these things, however, is twofold. One, such churches are rarely if ever supported for long by the Adventist organization. It is clear that the official Seventh-day Adventist Church has no interest in “emphasizing grace” or downplaying Ellen White. In fact, my issue and concern has never been with AdventISTS, rather with AdventISM. As long as the leadership and organization of the church supports and promotes law-keeping and Ellen White as a messenger from God, there can be no true change in the church as a whole. Furthermore, as long as a congregation is sending its tithe to the conference and the pastor receives his paycheck from the conference, that church is representing Adventism, regardless of how glib the sermons are.

My second issue is that “emphasizing grace” and refraining from mentioning Ellen White from the pulpit is not the same as teaching the biblical Jesus, the biblical gospel, and denouncing Ellen White as the false prophet or false teacher that she was. As with the other points we’ve discussed here, this “talking point” is simply a distraction from the truth that Adventism actively teaches a false gospel and a false Jesus. 
 
In Conclusion

Former Seventh-day Adventists hear these arguments and objections time and time again when telling their stories. It is intimidating, even after hearing these protests multiple times, to face them with confidence and a determination not to be distracted from the main issue. It takes time and practice, but as we immerse ourselves in the truth of God’s word and in the light of the gospel and the new covenant, we will be more and more able to focus our conversations away from these distractions toward truth. Adventism’s gut reaction is to obscure the truth with ad hominem attacks and defensive arguments, but what Adventists need is our commitment to declare to them what they do not have: the gospel message of the complete atoning work of Christ through his death and resurrection. It is finished! †

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Kelsie Petersen

Kelsie Petersen lives in central Alberta, Canada. She and her husband Aaron have three boys, Matthew, Tyler and Colby. Kelsie was born and raised in an Adventist home and received her elementary education degree from Canadian University College (formerly Canadian Union College, now Burman University). She is a life-long lover of music and spends her few spare moments at the piano with favorite praise songs and hymns.

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