By Nicole Stevenson
This year spring “break” is a bit of an oxymoron in my home. While Instagram is currently cluttered with images of other people’s family vacations, my mind is cluttered with to-do lists longer than my tired memory can retain.
The end of the school year is looming, and projects are coming due quickly. For us, that means spring break will look like 13 hours of community service projects executed and completed, a California state project written report completed, a paper machete sequoia tree model created and ready to turn in just a few days after returning to school, as well as two family birthdays to shop for and celebrate, and other non-school related commitments. Add to these other responsibilities a writing deadline for this blog, and you have one frazzled mama!
As the weeks and days moved closer to my blog deadline and my Instagram feed filled with more images of happy families playing on California beaches or gazing out of tropical hotel windows, I found myself wondering why I couldn’t seem to get my act together and why I couldn’t come up with a topic for this blog. All I’ve seemed to be able to generate from my head has been the “next step” in a day full of responsibilities.
Even now all I can think to tell you is that I’m so thankful for God! I’m so thankful that He has made me His daughter! Even when I have nothing else to say, I can truly and easily praise God for all He is, all He’s done, and all that means to me!
Rest inside “busy”
I’m so thankful that God calls me to rest in Him no matter how busy I am. He doesn’t necessarily ask me to stop being busy, but to know that because I have ceased working for my salvation and have been born again, I am in Him, and He is in me. This reality means that in the middle of the chaos, I am not alone. In fact, it is a part of my inheritance in Christ never to be alone again! There is no rest like the rest that comes from knowing that no matter what else is going on in my life, I belong to God, and I am kept safe in Him.
I thank God that His Spirit beckons me to abide in Him. I’m thankful that He gave me His Word to sustain me and fill me with all that comes from growing in my knowledge of Him. I am so thankful that He has put in me a heart that longs to worship Him in my life; in my efforts of daily living and serving, in my thinking and prayer life, and in the praises I offer up to Him, God has called me to a life of worship. I thank God that true worship occurs in the middle of the busyness of life as well as in quite solitude and in corporate worship. I thank God that I can also sing praises to Him no matter where I am or what I’m doing, and that those praises speak truth to my heart about who He is. They convict me of the impact those truths have on every responsibility I face.
I thank God that He is my constant companion, the one who is in the battle with me, working in me to sanctify me as we walk through the daily grind together. He is teaching me how to “see” my circumstances, bringing my sinful thoughts in line with reality, granting me repentance and redirecting me according to His will. I thank God that He is teaching me how to pray in the middle of my fatigue when my body hurts and my mind cannot keep track of the details. He is teaching me to trust Him when I can’t see how everything will come together.
Instagram not a measure of mothering
I also thank God that I know, even though I may at times forget, that the measure of my success or failure as a mother is not based on my Instagram page. I may not have a photo of my family basking in tropical paradise, and I may have a long list of things to accomplish over the next few weeks, but in the middle of our chaos I have a God who holds my family. He comforts, guides, and teaches me every step of the way.
One of my go-to psalms of comfort as a believer has been Psalm 139. I love it because it so clearly details the powerfulness of our God. Several of His attributes are put on beautiful display in this Psalm, and I’m reminded that it is God who is in control of my life—no matter how determined I may be to feel as though it’s me— that He knows me intimately. Whatever my struggle, it is neither unknown nor a surprise to Him. This psalm also reminds me that it is God Himself who searches my heart, convicts me of sin, and leads me in His righteous ways. These truths always center my thoughts on reality, and suddenly, no matter what I am facing, I find myself trusting that I’m right where He wants me. In other words, whatever I’m experiencing is ultimately for His glory and for my good.
So, I suppose when we don’t know what else to say, we can always praise God! Tonight, I thank God that I know He is a good God and that I can trust Him. I thank Him that I know He loves me, no matter what I feel about myself. I’ve never known a love like this before, but I do now, and when I remember all that He is and all that He’s done, I suddenly don’t need a tropical beach vacation to feel as though everything is going to be alright.
PSALM 139
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(I’d like to share with you a song that I often listen to on repeat when I need to remember these Psalm 139 truths about God: https://youtu.be/PkUm0HFJDM4
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