Should I Have My Adventist Friends Over for Dinner?
This is a tough question I’ve been wrestling with. According to the teaching of 2 John 1:10-11, would it be unbiblical to have my Adventist neighbors over for dinner? After learning their heretical teaching which definitely aligns with “abideth not in the doctrine of Christ”—the category of people which John says not to receive into your house—I’m not sure I should invite them. Furthermore, they are leaders to some degree of the local Adventist “church”. It grieves me to think of not having them over as a way of reaching them, but I also don’t want to just lean on my own understanding, as Proverbs 3:5-6 says.
But then, how is this any different from, say, a Muslim family I’m trying to reach? Does this mean I’d also not invite them over for dinner?
Do you have any thoughts on this?
—VIA EMAIL
Response: I’ve thought about this passage as well. Understanding the context of the circumstances helps. First, here’s the passage in question:
If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into [your] house, and do not give him a greeting, for the one who gives him a greeting participates in his evil deeds.—2 John 1:10, 11 LSB
John was writing to the believers in a context of not providing food and shelter to a false teacher. In the culture of the day, teachers would travel from village to village (think of the 12 and the 70 whom the Lord Jesus sent out in His name into the cities of Judah in Luke 9 and 10). They stayed in private homes until they left the cities where they were teaching. It’s also significant that the Lord Jesus gave them instructions about what to do if the person or the town they were visiting did not receive them.
This practice of providing board and room for false teachers is what John was writing about. Here is what the study notes of the NASB95 Study Bible say:
“Receive him into your house: A reference to the housing and feeding of traveling teachers…The instruction does not prohibit greeting or even inviting a person into one’s home for conversation. John was warning against providing food and shelter, since this would be an investment in the ‘evil deeds’ of false teachers and would give public approval.”
I believe the Lord gives us wisdom to know how to proceed in these cases. Ask Him to show you His will and to open opportunities to speak for Him to your friends. Also, ask Him to make it clear to you if you should not have them over. There have been a few occasions in my life as a Christian when I realized the Lord kept certain social appointments from taking place. I had asked Him to make it clear if certain prospective visitors should come or not: if they should, to make them receptive to Him and to prepare me for the visit; if not, to prevent the occasion.
I will never know the “big picture”, but a handful of times I knew that the Lord protected us from certain visits. You can trust the One who holds you securely!
The Four Passover Cups
I was interested in your comments on Tuesday’s Sabbath School lesson this week on Former Adventist Podcast (“Stop Keeping the Sabbath”). I read an article recently in which the author identified the four cups of wine at the Passover seder with the four promises God made to Israel:
- Sanctification—I will bring you out
- Blessing—I will free you
- Redemption—I will redeem you
- Acceptance—I will make you mine
I thought this connection was interesting!
—VIA EMAIL
The Heartache of Marriage To an Adventist
I’ve continued to listen to Former Adventist Podcast. I’m sorry to hear of Dale’s passing but am so glad to know he’s well with the Lord.
I wish I could have told him how much of a blessing the organization he started has been to me. I recently shared the podcast of Dale with a dear friend of mine who had left the Adventist church. She is married to a man who is fifth generation Adventist. They jokingly call themselves “badventists” because they truly despise the legalism of Adventism.
After she listened to the podcast with Dale, her text back to me was, “I cried listening. Thanks for sending.” I plan to give her a copy of Truth Led Me Out.
Meanwhile, my husband has essentially given up on all churches. We have stopped going to the nondenominational church we were going to as it was clearly headed in a huge, commercialism/mega church direction. So sad. My husband felt very hurt and ignored and got no real help there. Very frustrating.
So now he’s back to his own brand of Adventist beliefs which is somewhere between main stream Bible-based Christianity and Ellen White’s Great Controversy.
The good news is that when I ask him if he understands the gospel, he answers with, “Jesus died for the sins of the world, and on the third day rose again, fulfilling the law perfectly and saving humanity from sin and death.” when asked what else saves you? His reply is: nothing.
The unfortunate news is that, possibly because of his own trauma or some other wound, he has a strong distrust of EVERYONE which apparently includes me. Recently, when he became more preoccupied with current events, he became uber-worried about World War III and Sunday laws. Suddenly he also became concerned that I would leave him “when the Sunday laws pass” because I’m not concerned about keeping the Sabbath. I reassured him that I’m not going to leave him. He told me people do funny things when their lives and children are threatened—even going against their consciences (as in going to church on Sunday) to keep their children safe and food in their bellies.
I looked at him and said, “Do you not know me at all? Do you not realize that I am a God-fearing, Bible-believing woman? I am not worried about what I will eat or what I will wear. My children are not mine; they are God’s, and I trust Him with their lives. And I made a vow to God to love you until I died.”
“I’m not saying you will, it’s just something I know we disagree on when it comes to Sunday laws.”
“I answer to God. That’s it. Sunday laws are not in the Bible. Neither is an investigative judgement. Jesus is seated at the right hand of the Father, and he will come again as the judge of the earth.”
I’m exhausted.
UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: We are getting a dissolution…He stopped interacting with me, stopped taking to me…and basically lived in the basement. We became roommates who argued whenever anything other than minimal superficial matters were discussed. He finally admitted that he has had deep-seated anger towards me for most of the years of our marriage.
He told me he didn’t like me, didn’t trust me, and couldn’t stand to see the sight of me. I reassured him there was no need to remain married to someone who “makes my blood boil”—I offered him an apology for whatever harm I caused.…All I can do is pray for him. And shake the dust from my feet.
If you don’t mind, Please pray for him and for my two sons whom he adopted when we married. They had been left fatherless after their dad died a tragic death. And I suppose please pray for me, too, as I move on in life.…I shouldn’t have married him when I did. I didn’t know enough about Adventist beliefs… I’ve asked God to forgive me and to strengthen me on all levels moving forward.
Thank you, Colleen and Nikki. Thank you for helping me to understand Adventist beliefs. I’ve learned so much from the two of you and the Bible. You’ve been (and will continue to be) iron sharpening iron to me.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you for writing. I am so sorry. So, so sorry.
You know, in spite of your husband’s ability to tell you that Jesus died and paid for the sins of the world, saving humanity from sin and death, it doesn’t sound as if he has personally trusted the Lord Jesus. His answer reminds me of the quasi-universalism I hear from sermons in progressive Adventist churches in California. They essentially teach that Jesus took care of everything on the cross, so people are born into a redeemed reality. The lost are those who opt out of what is theirs because of Jesus.
In other words, they deny our natural condition of being dead in sin and the Bible’s statements that we must believe in Jesus personally. Here’s what I suspect is going on in his mind when he tells you that Jesus died and forgives the world: he superimposes this biblical fact over his Adventist worldview that man has no immaterial spirit that is by nature dead in sin and must be born again. Rather, I suspect he believes, as Adventism teaches, that man has no immaterial spirit, and sin is inherited genetically by flawed gene pools that bequeath propensities to sin to each of us. Therefore, salvation is realized by appropriating the “merits of Christ” (whatever they mean by that) and calling on the perfect power and obedience of Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help one obey the law perfectly like Jesus did.
This belief drives the Adventist conviction that the Sabbath is eternal and is the “seal” required of believers who will be safe to save when Jesus comes. Therefore, Adventists like your husband and the Southern California progressives believe that Jesus has saved the world, and they are now committed to proving they are worthy of being saved—and of demonstrating that they are Not “opting out”—by dedicating themselves even more fully to the Sabbath. He is still seeing reality through a false worldview—the great controversy worldview. Adventists can rationalize away the power of the Lord Jesus’ death and resurrection by refusing to see and believe they they themselves are born under condemnation (John 3:18), and that by nature they are children of wrath (Eph. 2:3) and the wrath of God remans on them (Jn 3:36).
Adventists have to learn that by nature they cannot choose to obey and please God. By nature they are condemned to eternal punishment. Adventists do not believe this biblical fact. I suspect your husband does not understand his true human nature nor his need of a Savior. He seems to think all that was taken care of; now it’s up to him to prove that he wants to be saved and is committed to obedience. He doesn’t understand the true nature of his sin nor of his need.
All to say—I understand your getting a dissolution. It sounds as if he is emotionally dangerous, and your boys clearly have deep trauma already over losing a dad tragically. Only the Lord can show you the next right step to take, and I trust that He is leading you. He knows and loves you and your boys and also your husband, and He will not lose one of His sheep. He will pursue people against all the odds that we can see. He is already at work in ways we cannot see.
I will pray for you, for your sons and for your husband. I am so very sorry for the heartache and disillusionment that you must be feeling. I pray that the Lord will comfort you and that He will be a defender of you and a Father to your boys, and that you will be comforted by family in Him, as He promised in Psalm 68:5, 6:
A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation. God causes the lonely to inhabit a home; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.—Psalm 68:5, 6 LSB
I pray that the Lord will convict your husband of his own sin and his need of a Savior, that he will not hide behind the Sabbath but will see his own sinful heart and the righteous mercy and judgment of the Lord and His offer of salvation through belief.
I am so very sorry—yet I know the Lord Jesus has you in His hand. He will not drop you, and He will provide more than you can ask or imagine as you trust Him.
Please email anytime. We would love to hear how you are doing. †
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