KELSIE PETERSEN | Contributor and a Boy-Mom
This Christmas marked 20 years since our departure from Adventism. As I have pondered the journey of the last 20 years, it seems that it has been forever—and the blink of an eye, all at the same time. While no one is the same person they were 20 years ago, when I look back over the last two decades and survey the journey, the way that leaving Adventism has impacted our lives, changed our trajectory in many forms, is incredible.
Not too long ago, someone posted in a social media group I help moderate, essentially asking “How long does this take?” They were not impatient but were realizing the complexity of it all, and, in some ways, wanting to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The responses varied in their focus, but most agreed that the first one to three years can be quite intense, but that the “picking out” of the slivers of subtle worldview influence can continue over years, and even decades, and I would say I have also found this to be the case.
Recently, I’ve come across a few places where I’ve seen or heard comments made towards those who have left the Adventist church that we should just “get over it,” and “move on.”
Recently, I’ve come across a few places where I’ve seen or heard comments made towards those who have left the Adventist church that we should just “get over it,” and “move on.” Sometimes it’s not even comments, but just a general response of disinterest or irritation when it is mentioned. While wanting to leave some room for nuance and the fact that people respond out of their own history and backgrounds, I’ve been trying to put my finger on the reason why the thought of “getting over it,” and “moving on” is difficult for me to accept. While wallowing and dwelling in a sense of victimhood over the spiritual distortions, and even—often—the spiritual abuse many of us experienced as part of our Adventist background is unhealthy and unhelpful, I feel that it is important to remember where we’ve come from, and to NOT forget, and to wisely use the “former Adventist” part of our lives to bring glory to the Lord. We need to point others to Him, both by edifying other believers and sharing our journeys with current or questioning Adventists.
Accused of “Former Adventist” Identity
Before I get into the reasons why I believe this, I think it’s important to talk about the difference between not forgetting where the Lord has brought us and remembering what we’ve been saved from, allowing those realities to inform us and help us in our relationships with God and others, and taking on our identity as “former Adventist.” In the 20 years I’ve spent interacting with people who have left Adventism and those who are in the process of leaving, I will say I have found it relatively uncommon that someone continues to hold the identity of being a “former Adventist,” but it seems that many Adventists (and others, perhaps) insinuate or accuse those who have left of holding that identity. In fact, the accusations of people identifying themselves by their former Adventism are more frequent than the actual occurrence.
I have struggled to understand the root of these responses, but because I can only be responsible for myself, I have found it best not to worry about why someone else is behaving a certain way but rather to reflect back on how I can improve my own communication. Sometimes, even though these responses can be hurtful or triggering, I have to continue to speak as best as I can and leave the responses of others to the Lord. As we move forward out of Adventism, whether we are two months, two years, or two decades out, it is important to reflect often, and keep it in prayer, as a matter of submission to the Lord. “Am I acting/thinking/speaking/writing in the way that I am, because of my love and gratitude to the Lord for what He’s done for me, and because I want others to have what I’ve been given, or is it out of a need to be right or to impress or gain esteem in the eyes of another?”
I’ll go first and be honest that I still grapple with these things from time to time, so I’m not giving any advice I don’t sometimes need to hear myself! While saying this, I do want to acknowledge that processing out of Adventism can be similar to a grieving process. We see it often in the social media group, people who are fairly newly out sometimes need space to work through their anger, even sometimes guilt and fear. It’s a part of working through understanding reality, but I think the point that will be clear is that it’s a part of the process of leaving, one we must move through and beyond, rather than getting stuck. As we move beyond the initial years of working through the big stuff, the worldview of Adventism, the fundamental beliefs, the cultural impacts on our lives, Adventism, and the space it takes up in our lives, will naturally become smaller. The important thing to keep in mind, as this happens, is that we build our identity first and foremost in Christ, with our past as an Adventist making up one facet of the story of how He saved us.
We Can’t “Just Get Over It”
The first reason I believe it is important not to“get over it,” or “let it go and move on,” is because remembering from what the Lord has brought us fallows us to trust Him with the future. This was part of the journey on which He led the Israelites. Often, in His instructions to them in the wilderness, He would remind them that He was the Lord who had brought them up out of Egypt, who had rescued and freed them. Many of the feasts and celebrations they were to observe were to draw their minds back to what He had done on their behalf. All believers have stories of how God rescued them. Some are, admittedly, more dramatic than others, and while it’s important not to get caught up in the drama, when we share our stories together with other believers, we spur one another on, and allow people to see a glimpse of how God is working in the lives of others. When I remind myself from where God has brought me, of how He has been faithful to me, from the time I first thought, “Hmm, this doesn’t make sense” as a nine-year old student in Adventist school, to being born again through the influence of a Christian friend, all the way through leaving Adventism 12 years later, I am reminded that I can trust Him with the future, as well.
The first reason I believe it is important not to“get over it,” or “let it go and move on,” is because remembering from what the Lord has brought us fallows us to trust Him with the future.
Another reason it is good to remember what we were as Adventists is that there are still millions of people stuck in this system of works, striving, uncertainty, and fragile “hope.” Over the 20 years I’ve been out of Adventism, most of it has been spent, on some level, interacting with others who have left or are in the process of leaving Adventism. As I’ve seen people come and go through the various groups I frequent, there are some who stay while doing the “heavy lifting” during and immediately following their exit, and then they spread their wings and do, in a greater sense, “move on.”
A few months ago, I was thrilled to see a post cross my feed written by a young person who had connected with me during their “leaving process” about four years ago. They had experienced a lot of challenge and pushback from family members, and we talked back and forth over the course of a few intense months. When I saw the post announcing their engagement to what appeared to be a solid and committed believer, I realized that I had not heard from this person in quite some time but was ecstatic to see they were flourishing in their faith.
Some people stick around but become less active or vocal, and still others remain highly engaged, taking part in ministries, or just making it a point to interact with other formers, both seasoned and new. Not everyone will be called to stay purposefully involved, but I am constantly surprised at how often, when Adventism comes up in conversation with someone new, my story is able to make some sort of small impact. Whether they know and love an Adventist, or whether they just have seen and wondered about the Adventist church in their community, having our stories at the top of our minds helps us to share and inform, or even give people a safe place to ask questions. Staying lovingly vocal online also opens doors for communication for people who are questioning. I, myself, was greatly helped and impacted by someone who had left the church but chose to stay active in a forum and came to rescue me when I was being bombarded by Adventists for asking sincere questions. Remembering helps us to be able to “reach back in” for those who remain in the organization and provide a community that understands their questions and perspectives in a way that others may not.
Finally, remembering our former Adventism can be used to point or direct more glory to the Lord Jesus. In His sovereignty, He chose to place us in Adventism for a time, and then to draw us out. To “forget about it,” or “move on and let it go” requires us to forget how God has guided us. When we remember our stories, when we remember the story of how HE saved us and brought us from death to life, we honor and glorify Him, and point the way for others to receive the same saving grace, no matter what their background is. The apostle Paul referred several times to his past as a persecutor of the church, but not in a way to glorify or sensationalize how terrible he was before he met Christ. Rather, he pointed to how wondrous and great was the work of Christ in his life to save him and to bring him from death to life. Likewise, we can use our stories to show that the Lord can save ANYONE. Even those of us who have been taught to believe that we need to do as much as we can and let Jesus make up “the difference” need to learn that God can rescue them from their compulsive efforts to please Him without knowing Him.
The Gospel Is the Core of Fellowship
As we have traveled through different Christian communities over the years, and as I’ve had conversations with different believers, few things impact me more than hearing another’s story of how God sought them and rescued them. I think an important piece of Christian fellowship is speaking often of the Gospel and of how we were brought to faith and born again. In doing this, we can edify one another and remind one another of what God can do, and how His ability to draw us to Himself, and to save us, is not limited to our own personal set of circumstances and experiences. It’s easy to have a cerebral awareness of this fact, but to look another human in the face and hear their story brings a new reality to what we already know. Remembering what we were—Adventists in bondage, if not spiritually dead and without hope—helps us to tell the story of who He has made us, how He has given us a new heart and set us free from the shackles of the law of sin and death.
Remembering what we were—Adventists in bondage, if not spiritually dead and without hope—helps us to tell the story of who He has made us, how He has given us a new heart and set us free from the shackles of the law of sin and death.
Ultimately, everyone’s story of redemption, former Adventist or not, is an opportunity to glorify God, whether it be reminding us, ourselves, what He has done for us in the past so that we can trust Him more with our present and our future, or allowing ourselves to be used to “go back for the others,” bearing witness to questioning and current Adventists who remain in the system, or by proclaiming His goodness in our lives to others, while also hearing their stories of how the Lord has saved them.
It is true that our motives or our methods may be questioned or criticized, but when we are rooted in the foundation of our story being Jesus, only Jesus, we can trust Him to take and use what we have surrendered to Him. Having been Adventist remains inextricably a part of our journey, of our past, of the path we needed to travel. Only He knows the full purpose of including this as part of His plan for our lives, but when we trust Him with it, trust Him to use it, He will work it together for our good, and for His glory. †
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