NICOLE STEVENSON | Co-Host, Former Adventist Podcast
Grief has entered into my life yet again. I won’t go into the details of this trial as it isn’t mine alone. I will say that it requires more of me than I can manage some days. I know that grief and trials are a part of our life here. They’re as certain as blessing and provision. Even so, shamefully, it seems to be an unchanging law of my flesh that the higher the stakes in the trial, the more likely I am to wrestle with God.
Despite what I know in the deepest part of my spirit, my mind begins battling temptations to doubt and to wrestle with God over His allowance of the trial. I begin pleading for answers and for guaranteed outcomes. The mental gymnastics I hear myself go through in my desperate attempts to bend God’s will are sometimes startling and are always unhelpful. Repentance and submission are common practices as I wait on my Lord.
Over the years that I’ve been a believer I’ve learned so much about the faithfulness of God. I trust Him with my life and I love Him with my whole heart! As I’ve walked with Him these 14 years I’ve definitely experienced growth in my ability to trust Him with my trials. Still, it’s clear to me that on this side of eternity I’ll never stop needing to take my thoughts captive, submitting them to the Word of God.
What has made my current trial different from others is that there are no promises directly related to it. There is nothing from Scripture that guarantees me the outcome I so earnestly pray for. Everything about what grieves my heart is outside of my control— perhaps even outside my sphere of influence. All I can do is watch and see what God will do. It’s in this place of complete helplessness that I realize the only thing that will hold my heart together is what I’ve come to know about the very character and nature of my beloved Triune God.
When There’s No Direct Promise Given
This summer I’ve joined a women’s book club at my church. In a recent gathering, the topic of how God’s Word comforts us in grief came up. In the course of the discussions, one of the women shared that when she’s struggling she looks for promises in the Bible that speak to her trial and is comforted by the hope they give her. With everything in me I say, Amen! God’s words are faithful and true, and He is a promise keeper! But, what do we do when there’s no promise given that directly speaks to the nature of our grief?
One example of this, which I believe many of our readers can relate to, is the fact that in the New Covenant we’re never promised the salvation of other people. As surely as we cannot save ourselves, we cannot save those we love. This reality can bring with it a kind of grief that threatens to take all the color out of life as we watch these loved ones refuse salvation.
One example of this, which I believe many of our readers can relate to, is the fact that in the New Covenant we’re never promised the salvation of other people. As surely as we cannot save ourselves, we cannot save those we love.
We know very personally that the false gospel of the “Three Angels Messages” rooted in the Great Controversy Worldview is futile and damning. It is Antichrist in its nature and masterful in its deception. So when we see our friends and family believing in this counterfeit gospel, we can experience a kind of perpetual grief that lives just under the surface of our joy in Christ— especially as we come to terms with the doctrine of eternal punishment.
While we’re commanded to share the gospel with them and to live lives consistent with what we believe about God, we cannot convict a heart or grant repentance. We cannot give a person ears to hear, and we certainly cannot cause someone to be born again—try as we may. We water, and water, and water—but only God gives life and growth.
Whether you’re a former Adventist Christian or not, we all know those who are in unbelief. So where do we turn in the face of the grief we experience as our loved ones either doubt the existence of God altogether, or refuse and suppress the truths of the gospel in favor of deception? Where is the promise we can write on a 3×5 card and claim for someone else who may never come around to repentance and belief?
The Grief of Job
The details of Job’s trials are certainly different from those most of us endure. Yet his story is immortalized for us in the pages of Scripture for a reason. In this treasure of a book we can learn a lot about our own hearts, about true friendship, about unhelpful counsel, and most significantly about God.
Job’s responses from his disorienting grief remind me of my own battle when I’m overcome by fearful and confusing grief. Everything he once confidently knew and lived by was suddenly being called into question. In the fatigue of spiritual warfare, Job gave into the bitterness of his heart— a temptation common to all believers at some point. While pleading with God for mercy, he called Him to the witness stand, questioning His character and implying He was indifferent to wickedness.
“I loath my life; I will give free utterance to my complaints I will speak in the bitterness of my soul. I will say to God, Do not condemn me; let me know why you contend against me. Does it seem good to you to oppress, to despise the work of your hands and favor the designs of the wicked?… You clothed me with skin and flesh, and knit me together with bones and sinews. You have granted me life and steadfast love, and your care has preserved my spirit. Yet these things you hid in your heart; I know that this was your purpose. If I sin, you watch me and do not acquit me of my iniquity. If I am guilty, woe to me! If I am in the right, I cannot lift up my head, for I am filled with disgrace and look on my affliction. And were my head lifted up, you would hunt me like a lion and again work wonders against me.”—Job 10:1-3, 11-16
In grief Job mischaracterized God and forgot himself in his sorrow. He loathed his life and crafted an idol of his broken heart—not an idol for worship, but one that would rightly receive his self-righteous anger and owe him an answer for his suffering. He described a god he could feel victimized by, justifying his anger and his right to answers. While he acknowledged certain truths about God in his lamenting, he also ascribed motives and characteristics to God that came from his own mind deceived by his embittered heart.
The Severe Mercy of Suffering
Ultimately, when God responded to Job, He didn’t explain His purposes in the events of Job’s life, and He didn’t defend His character. Job was never told about all that went on in Heaven surrounding his suffering. God simply revealed truths about Himself that reminded Job that He alone is Sovereign and Omnipotent Creator, and that Job is creature.
From chapters 38-42 we see God proclaim truths about Himself that humbled Job and brought him to repentance before God. As Job listened to God speak about Himself he learned more of God than he’d ever known up to that point—not because God submitted answers to his questions, but because in His great mercy God revealed to undeserving Job what He wanted Job to know—Himself.
“Then Job answered the LORD and said: ‘I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge? Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:1-6).
Job no longer knew of God through hearing. Job now knew God through His experience with Him in suffering and through God’s personal revelation of Himself. Knowing God in this new way was a gift he could only receive through the severe mercy of suffering.
Just as He did with Job, God in His mercy has used my suffering over the years to reveal more of Himself to me. Each time I’ve emerged from the ashes I have always thanked God for the trial because in it, I’ve known Him better. It’s in the accumulation of these experiences with Him that I can face the trial I do today remembering that God is at work even in my grief.
Beauty for Ashes
Early on after leaving Seventh-day Adventism I believe that God used my preschooler to remind me of the hope I have in grief simply because of who God is. My son, Joshua, had just awakened from his nap and came running out to find me where he knew I’d be—sitting under the weeping willow tree in our yard reading or praying. I don’t remember exactly why on this particular day I was crying. All I can recall is that it was connected to my concern for loved ones who were not believing in conjunction with my new understanding of eternal punishment for unbelievers.
I remember watching Josh run down the yard in his diaper with his fine hair bouncing in the sun with each clumsy pre-schooler stride. It was a daily habit of ours. Josh would jump up in my lap and lay his sleepy head on my shoulder while he worked on waking up. Eventually he would energetically jump down to play in the yard while detailing all that he was imagining around him. However, on this day, after lying with me for a few minutes, he gently sat up and put his little hands on either side of my face and studied my eyes.
“If my heart was broken I’d give all the pieces back to God so that He could make something new with them.”
“Why are you sad, mama?” He asked with his big brown eyes showing concern.
“Mommy’s heart is broken, sweetie, but I’ll be okay.” I said. Looking back I’m sure there was a more reassuring answer I should have given a preschooler, but this was what came out of my mouth. His reply came with complete assurance in the sound logic that his words offered me, “If my heart was broken I’d give all the pieces back to God so that He could make something new with them.” And just like that, my little Joshua reminded me that the Creator of our hearts is also the Redeemer of all our grief. We can trust God even if all we have to offer Him are the pieces of our broken heart as we whisper through our grief, “He gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Our Promise in Grief is God Himself
It has been said that the heart is an idol factory producing gods in our image that we’re willing to follow and worship. I’ll add to this that I believe the idol-of-choice for the broken heart is to produce a god that we can rage at and blame. Grief has a way of distorting reality and embittering us toward a weak and cruel god that bears no resemblance to the God of Scripture. While we can choose to scoop up the shattered pieces of our heart and wave them at God asking for answers, it is far better that we simply hand them to Him in trust and wait for Him to do something new in us.
God has a purpose in everything He allows into our lives and into the lives of those we love, those about whom we worry. It does no good to rail against Him. And while He may not offer us a promise we can claim on behalf of someone else, He offers us Himself as we pray for them and entrust them to Him. If we believe that God is perfectly good, we can trust Him with those we love who, like we once were, are currently in unbelief.
As I’ve grown in my knowledge of God through suffering and through His word, I can say with Job, “I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”
As I’ve grown in my knowledge of God through suffering and through His word, I can say with Job, “I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” And as I sit in the ashes of repentance for the thoughts I’ve entertained during grief, I can know that my God has not forsaken me. I can also rest in His promised presence with me as I abide in His word and remember the truths He has taught me as He has walked me toward this very trial.
While I cannot offer you a 3×5 card promise for what you may be battling, let me offer a collection of verses that have helped me understand this new life as a believer and that have taught me to trust God in all things. May the comfort, mercy, and grace of God be with you all as you trust Him in trials and walk with Him in this life after Adventism.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints—Ephesians 6:10-18.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.—James 1:2-4
…We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.— Romans 5:3-5
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.—Hebrews 12:11-13
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.—1 Peter 5:6-11
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.—Philippians 1:6
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.—Romans 8:28-30
And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. —John 17:3
And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people,and God himself will be with them as their God.He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.—Revelation 21:3-4
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Nicole, your words are just what I need at this time in my life (the past 8 years). The trials are huge, the struggle almost unbearable–unending, hope dims repeatedly. But your take on this grief we are experiencing brightens the Hope, gives me reasons to continue to hang on. Beautifully done, Nichole. Thank you.