COLLEEN TINKER
This week I sat in a cubicle shrouded in a black cape while the one person whom I’ve trusted to cut my hair for over 15 years worked her magic.
Charlene* is one of God’s surprises in my life. I first met her after my Christian hairdresser Nan recommended her to me just before Nan and her husband moved out of state. Nan told me that she was referring most of her clients to another hairdresser, but she recommended that I go to Charlene because she was exceptionally good at styling thick hair—and she was right. Charlene is good.
During those first years with Charlene I struggled to make the usual small talk with her that often characterizes women and their stylists. I had had no trouble talking to Nan; we had sons who graduated from the same Christian high school, and she easily talked about her life and her walk with the Lord. Charlene, though, was different.
Charlene was an unbeliever. She was respectful when I answered her questions about what I did for work—editing a magazine for a gospel ministry addressing Adventism was likely unique in her circles—but chatter was not Charlene’s way. Moreover, as the months passed, I was palpably aware of the the kingdom difference between us. Although she was polite, I often felt a bit like an intruder, as if sitting in her chair was trespassing on territory where I was not “at home”. I actually began to wonder if I should look for another hairdresser; I felt that Charlene might be more comfortable if she didn’t have to deal with me.
All of these feelings were unspoken; there was no concrete reason for me to leave. Yet the chasm between us was surprisingly large. I left each appointment convicted to pray for her, and I did. I prayed that the Lord would bring her to know Him.
That Day
Then came That Day. As I settled into her chair, Charlene, eyes dark with depression and veiled anger, said, “My mother died.” She “felt” heavy with helplessness and despair. I asked her what happened, and she began to tell me about her mother’s last illness, about the overwhelming events of the weeks since I had seen her, about the weight of dealing with the estate, about her own turning to prescription drugs to find relief. Charlene still delivered an excellent cut, but I was more worried about her than I ever had been, and I wasn’t sure what might happen to her.
I left the salon that day knowing that Charlene needed intervention that only the Lord could orchestrate, and I began to pray more consistently for her, that she would know her need of a Savior and that He would reveal Himself to her in a way she could not ignore and be her comfort.
Months later, perhaps close to two years, I walked into Charlene’s shop unprepared for what I found. Charlene met me, and with green eyes alive with happiness, she looked at me in the mirror as she fastened the cape around my shoulders.
“I’ve become a Christian!” She said, eyes dancing.
“I’ve become a Christian!” She said, eyes dancing.
“Charlene!” I nearly cried. “I am so happy! Tell me what happened!” I realized that I had never before noticed that her eyes were actually green; the darkness that had always lain behind them had left me thinking that she had dark brown eyes like her hair.
Suddenly we could talk. She poured out her story. She and her husband had hit an insurmountable problem, and through a co-worker’s recommendation, she had found a Christian counselor who had been seeing both of them for a few months.
One day he sat across from them and said, “You need to go to church.” Charlene and her husband had already become convicted of the counselor’s wisdom as he dealt with them, and they took his advice. They began visiting local churches and finally settled on one near them where the Bible is taught every Sunday.
Charlene told me she had become part of a women’s Bible study at their new church, her husband also had become involved in Bible study, and they had resolved the unresolvable problem that had threatened them. They both trusted Jesus, and they and their marriage were new!
At Least I Have Jesus
That memorable day occurred several years ago, and Charlene has consistently grown in faith and conviction. This week as we were talking about some of the ways Christianity is increasingly unpopular and is sometimes blamed for people’s grievances, Charlene suddenly smiled and said, “But at least I have Jesus!”
I looked at her, silently grateful at the change in this woman from those days when I wondered if I should find another stylist. Then she said something really profound:
“Since I have known Jesus, I found out I don’t have to worry about my feelings. They aren’t what matter; what matters is that Jesus has me. I used to get up in the morning and feel so overwhelmed and depressed, but after meeting Jesus I knew that I didn’t have to worry about those feelings. My feelings don’t determine what happens to me. I don’t have to worry about them anymore because Jesus has me!”
As I heard Charlene speak, I realized that Jesus has done the same thing for me. He has released me from the paralysis of my suffocating feelings. I suddenly remembered the day when I was convicted that I could not manage my feelings by merely thinking better, and I shared the memory with Charlene.
Her therapist, a Christian, sat across the room from us, looked right at this young woman and said, “How’s your Scripture memorizing coming along?”
A young woman I knew who was fighting an eating disorder took me to one of her therapy sessions. Her therapist, a Christian, sat across the room from us, looked right at this young woman and said, “How’s your Scripture memorizing coming along?”
She squirmed, and he said, “The truth is not in your head. The truth is in God’s word. If you are not willing to put the truth of God’s word into your head, you are not ready to get well.”
That short delivery changed my life. I drove away from that session convicted that I needed to begin memorizing Scripture.
My worldview was about to change.
Since that day seventeen years ago, God’s word has percolated in my mind and into my understanding of the world, and I have come to the same conclusion Charlene expressed this week. While my emotions are real and are data reflecting the events around me, they are not the sum total of reality. Reality is actually bigger than I can see—but the Lord sees it.
What I have come to know is this: God’s word is living, and it exposes me to myself. It is sharper than a two-edged sword, and it pierces between my soul and spirit, between joints and marrow, and it reveals the thoughts and intentions of my heart. I cannot hide from the One “with whom [I] have to do” (Hebrews 4: 12,13). I also know that God’s word is God-breathed. The One who gave me faith to believe in Jesus’ finished work and indwells me with His Spirit is the One who gave us the eternal, living word of God. In Scripture’s words I read the truth about God, about His identity and will and provision for humanity. In Scripture I find Truth, and I know that its God-breathed words instruct, correct, and reprove me, and they teach me truth (2 Tim. 3:16).
My Feelings Don’t Define Reality
Learning Scripture slowly but surely has given me peace. I do not have to listen to my feelings when I try to understand how to proceed. My anxiety or depression, my fear or timidity do not determine how I will behave. God’s word IS a light to my feet and a lamp to my path. Knowing that I can trust each word of Scripture has given me a foundation and an authority to trust. My feelings are no longer the definer of my world; God’s word is, and I can bring my feelings under His word and find wisdom for how to proceed by trusting the Lord.
I have come to see that a worldview that honors one’s experience as the definer of reality cannot succeed long-term.
I have come to see that a worldview that honors one’s experience as the definer of reality cannot succeed long-term. Truth is not based on our individual reactions or circumstances. Truth is much bigger than we are. Only God can define truth, and our proper response to His definitions is to trust Him and obey His word.
Charlene finished her last snips on my hair, and as I prepared to leave, she put her arms around me and said, “It’s always good to talk to you!”
I hugged her back, grateful for how the Lord had brought this woman from deep darkness to life and light and has given her trust in Jesus that overrode her crippling feelings.
Now I do not merely have an excellent hairdresser; I have an eternal sister who shares with me the transforming love of Jesus! †
*Names have been changed.
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