KELSIE PETERSEN | Contributor and a Boy-Mom
I love having company in my home. Over the years, I haven’t done it as much entertaining as I would have liked, and over the past year, my family has been unsettled due to multiple moves and widespread renovations. Now that we are settled and renovations are complete, giving us access to all of the space in our home, I’m starting to make more effort to invite and welcome friends and family in. While it’s always worth the effort because of the fun and fellowship, sometimes the preparation is stressful, and I wonder if I’ve over-committed myself, either in what I’ve planned to prepare, or in trying to make my house look less like three teen/preteen boys live there. While I often try to keep the menu simple and uncomplicated, to spare my sanity and allow me to more enjoy the company, there are main dishes, sides, drinks, and dessert to consider. As I was pondering what my extended family and I have walked through the last couple of weeks, it reminded me of remembering to focus on the main dish.
Over the past couple of weeks, my family has been walking through the decline and loss of an elderly Adventist family member. It’s been a rollercoaster ride, and we’ve all run a full range of emotions. Distance meant travel and then functioning in close proximity with their church family—with renewed exposure to the culture of Adventism. It has been eye-opening to be reminded about how much of people’s lives and identities become invested (literally and figuratively) and entwined with the organization.
In some ways it has felt like returning to the leaving and grieving process that we went through all those years ago when we left Adventism.
In some ways it has felt like returning to the leaving and grieving process that we went through all those years ago when we left Adventism. I was unable to travel to be with family and help with the things that needed to be taken care of, but I found myself feeling frustration, sadness, and even some resentment and anger. I find myself wanting to “show them,” or make them realize how wrong this all is. These feelings have extended to the church and even the conference where they live. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “They need to understand the impact of their words and actions.”
I guess I’ve always had a deep sense of justice, and it is hard for me to see people waltz into the sunset, unaware or unbothered by their impact on others. In some of the harder moments, where I wanted to take a stronger stance, I was reminded, “We need to show them Jesus.” I admit to balking against that thought, given that I come from the Adventist mind, and know that they sincerely believe they’ve got the corner on “Jesus.” But when I sat down and thought about it, it’s truly correct.
When I was born again at the age of 12, it was because of the influence and invitation of a Christian friend. We had been friends at the Christian school we both attended for a couple of years and had spent a lot of time together. Growing up Adventist, going to Adventist schools, I had been taught to have a bit of hesitancy for spending time with people outside the church. But there was something that drew me to her. She had a real, sincere love for Jesus—different and more personal than what I knew. While I don’t know that either of us could have debated the finer points of doctrine, I was keenly aware that the way she approached and saw God and Jesus was different than the way I had been taught to see God. The night I was born again, she had invited me to a youth rally, and because of how she had showed Jesus to me, I was open to receive when I heard the gospel presented, again, so much differently than I had ever heard it before. It was so simple.
Today’s online world allows us to connect and engage with people around the world, and it’s easy to find places to engage with Adventists to discuss and refute doctrine. May of us still have Adventist family and friends that we interact with, at least from time to time, and I know the heart of many of us is to show the falsehoods and the danger of Adventism. This approach obviously has value, because the issues do need to be exposed, but I am reminded to be mindful not to try to make a meal out of the side dishes. The “main dish” we have to offer our Adventist friends and family, and even those we may only ever encounter online, is Jesus and His finished work on the cross and the life of love and devotion we can now live because of what He has done in us.
The “main dish” we have to offer our Adventist friends and family, and even those we may only ever encounter online, is Jesus and His finished work on the cross
Feeding ourselves on the Word of God and meditating on His goodness, making that the “main dish” we are nourishing ourselves with is likely the most important thing we can do to equip ourselves to be able to share that with those we come in contact with. For me, in the past few days after being reminded to shift my focus, it has been important to ground myself in Scripture and to meditate on passages directly linked to the Gospel and to the Good News of Jesus. Worship music and hymns throughout the day have been essential to keeping my focus where it belongs. It helps me remember to pray for my family members, to plead to the Lord on their behalf, knowing that He loves my Adventist family just as much as any other, and His ultimate desire is for them to come to Him and be born again. Nothing else matters, in the end.
Anyone can throw a bowl of frozen vegetables in the microwave and call it a side dish. A meal masterfully planned, though, allows for the flavors of the side dish to be intertwined with and highlighted by the main dish. Some things just taste better when they are together. When we are focused on Jesus and how to best live out the life He wishes in front of others, as testimony of His goodness, it seasons our conversations and interactions about all the other things. For my family, issues of the Adventist organization and culture have been front and center recently, and in the world that swirls around us, issues of politics and culture and a million other things are in front of us every day What we do to fix our eyes on Jesus “in the meantime” impacts so deeply how we respond to the circumstances and the people we encounter. We can confidently speak of the One who calms our storms, the One upon whom we can build our lives.
…my heart hurts for my family who has never known the grace and freedom of Jesus.
I have struggled this week with Adventism’s brief but deep impact on my family, and my heart hurts for my family who has never known the grace and freedom of Jesus. Reminding myself of who Christ is, also reminds me that HE is enough, and that nothing is wasted. I am able to pray for my loved ones, to ask for His intervention on their behalf, and to fully trust them to His care. I don’t know what you or your family face today or in the coming weeks; perhaps the world feels like an uncertain place right now, but let us fix our eyes on Jesus. He is our “main dish”, and in His name we have life. †
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- I Will Not Forget - January 10, 2025
- Reset: “I’m Not Good Enough” - September 19, 2024
Well-said, Kelsie! I’m always blessed by your “offerings.” I look forward to meeting you in person and sitting with you under a tree somewhere in heaven one day!
God bless,
Joanne