DARREL CARSON | Off grid loving and sharing Jesus
As a child, I learned about “god”, and while still in my teens I had already started to hate him. In boarding academy, I refused to go to evening worship one night, and while my roommate was gone I took my picture of Jesus down off the wall and turned it around in the frame and wrote obscenities on the back of it and hung it back up on the wall. I hated this god that had allowed me to be abused, and no matter how much I prayed or how much I tried, he never forgave my sins or in any other way made a difference in my life. It seemed to me that he either couldn’t or wouldn’t, and to make matters worse, he didn’t even care. So I was finished.
When my roommate came back to the room, he noticed what I had done right away and was very upset. With tears in his eyes, he pled with me to repent and ask Jesus to forgive me. I was touched by his compassion and concern and did ask for forgiveness, but nothing changed.
Some fifteen or so years later I was sitting alone in the sound booth at Sabbath school, and the guy up front was yammering on and on about some irrelevant bit of nonsense. Once again I was filled with rage at the utter irrelevance of a totally impotent god who couldn’t, wouldn’t, and didn’t care. So I took a pencil and paper out of a drawer under the sound board and started writing a letter to this useless bit of a god that wasn’t worth the powder it would take to blow him to smithereens.
I was filled with rage at the unfairness of a god that would allow a young child to be abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. I was completely finished with this god because he had done nothing to heal these wounds that I had received as a child.
I was filled with rage at the unfairness of a god that would allow a young child to be abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. I was completely finished with this god because he had done nothing to heal these wounds that I had received as a child. No amount of praying for forgiveness, no amount of trying to live right did any good. Nothing ever changed, and as far as I was concerned, this god was totally irrelevant and useless. If he could’ve stopped the abuse he would’ve, but he didn’t. He didn’t forgive me; he didn’t heal my wounds or even my broken heart. This joke of a god was no god at all!
When it was time for classes, I threw the letter and pencil back in the drawer and slammed it shut. I headed down the stairs and was going straight for the front door, never to return, but a friend put his arm around my shoulders and escorted me to a class that was not using the lesson quarterly. The teacher opened her Bible and began to read from Romans chapter 5:12,
“Why, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed on all men.”
At this point she paused, looked over her reading glass directly at me, and said, “And that’s not fair,” and continued reading. Then in verse 15 she read,
“For if through the offense of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, has abounded to many.”—Romans 5:15
And once again, she looked over her glasses at me and said, “And that’s not fair either.”
Oh, how I wanted to believe, but I was too angry and hated god too much to let myself be suckered into trusting him again. When class was over, I once again headed for the door, but on my way I had to pass the stairs up to the sound booth ,and my children were waiting for me. So up the stairs I went, figuring that one more church service wouldn’t hurt me, and I just wouldn’t return next week, but when the preacher got up to preach, he opened his Bible to Romans 5—and I heard the whole thing all over again. When I left church that day, I knew that nothing about life was fair, but God was in control, and for the time being, I was ok with that.
For the next 31 years, I clung to that little bit of the Gospel found there in Romans 5. I didn’t really understand it, but what I did know was that even though nothing about life was fair, God had made provision for it.
For the next 31 years, I clung to that little bit of the Gospel found there in Romans 5. I didn’t really understand it, but what I did know was that even though nothing about life was fair, God had made provision for it. I studied and read my Bible but understood very little of it because I tried to make it fit into my Adventist paradigm. I was clueless as to why it made no sense.
Eventually I found a verse that was totally outside anything that I had ever heard in all my life. 2 Corinthians 5:21.
“For He has made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”—2 Corinthians 5:21
I read it over and over trying to comprehend what it really meant, and I came to the conclusion that it could only mean exactly what it said. This realization filled me with hope because I could, indeed, receive God’s righteousness. But despair ruled the day because I also knew that this was in no way a reality in my life, and I had no idea how to make it happen. I remember trying to share this verse with other Adventists in different settings, one on one, in small groups, or even from up front, but only got blank stares. Once I even got told that I was wrong. But I continued to cling to this treasure, choosing to believe that it would someday be true for me.
A Real God Would Not Terrorize Children
At some point, I came to the conclusion that the god I had learned about as a child was nothing more than a lie; he didn’t even exist. I let this fact be known. A real God with a real gospel would not fill a child’s heart with terror. A real God would bring hope and healing; He would make a difference. Oh, things looked good on the outside; I was Sabbath school superintendent and was even called on to have the sermon about once a quarter.
As I sat in Sabbath School class one week, I felt the familiar feelings of frustration starting to build somewhere deep within. Why was church so irrelevant? Why were none of the issues of the past that still haunted me on a daily basis ever addressed at church? Why couldn’t I tell anyone at church of the pain I dealt with on a daily basis? If Jesus was the Answer to all life’s questions, why couldn’t the Answer be found at church?
This same frustration had led me to write the letter to God during Sabbath School some years earlier. And now, I was once again feeling these old frustrations with how irrelevant church really was. This time, however, it was more than just a pity party because my needs were unmet. I also had friends who, like me, had been victimized as children—and also like me, their lives were a mess. I wanted to invite them to church because I knew that at church such needs should be addressed. I had also been around long enough to know that what should happen—wouldn’t.
How could we expect people to care about the apocalyptic beasts of Daniel and Revelation when it was a struggle for them just to make it through the day still alive, not to mention the effort it took to put food on the table and keep their kids safe?
Why weren’t we, as a church body, out on the streets touching lives where people lived? Why were we content to stay within our own four little walls and discuss irrelevant issues that made no difference to anybody outside? How could we expect people to care about the apocalyptic beasts of Daniel and Revelation when it was a struggle for them just to make it through the day still alive, not to mention the effort it took to put food on the table and keep their kids safe? Why weren’t we making a difference? Could it be possible that we were just as impotent as our god?
And then one Sabbath as I was making my way up to the podium, I overheard a comment. At this point in time, I can’t even remember what was said; I just remember how horrified I was, realizing that the god of my childhood was still worshiped in this place. It also was at that moment that I knew that my days in Adventism would soon be over. I could no longer worship at the altar of a god that was a lie. I also knew that there was a real God somewhere, and it was my plan to find Him.
The Gospel Off-Grid
There’s a whole lot of story here that must be saved for another time. I know for a fact that I can trace it back to at least 1983, and Jesus can trace it back to some time before the foundation of the world. My part of it involves orange sawmills, off-grid living, YouTube channels, stoves, and so much more. For now, just know that, by God’s grace, He brought many, many things together.
…I truly heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ for the very first time in my life. As long as I live, I’ll never forget that day.
One day in October of 2019, I found myself 150 miles from home in a little upstairs study in the home of Pastor Steve, a man that up until that very moment I had only seen as the host of an off-grid YouTube channel. While my wife Vera was downstairs with his wife Carol, I truly heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ for the very first time in my life. As long as I live, I’ll never forget that day. Pastor Steve shared lots of texts with me, but I remember only some of them. The first is 2 Corinthians 5:21:
“For He has made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”
And I remember 1 John 1:9:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Steve unlocked for me the meaning of this text from 2 Corinthians that had both confused me and brought hope. He explained how Jesus became sin—that is, He took my sin in His body; He was judged guilty for what I had done, and He took my punishment on the cross. And that is why He could, at the same time, be both faithful and just to forgive me. The wages of sin is death, and the death penalty for my sin had been paid by Jesus. Now eternal life is mine as a free gift. Romans 8:1 says:
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
What? No condemnation?
Yes, Praise God! It’s totally guilt free! Then there’s verses 15-17 in Romans 8:
“For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint–heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.”
Oh, what wonderful news! I am a child of God Almighty! The irrelevant god is gone, and the Creator of the universe is now my God, my Father, and my Savior! Nothing can ever change that—see Romans 8:29-39 and John 10:27-29
As an Adventist, I couldn’t get away from the total irrelevance of the whole system. There was nothing that met personal needs, and there was nothing to which I felt that I could invite friends or neighbors. As a Certified Nursing Assistant instructor, there were scores of people in their 20’s who took my classes, many of whom were struggling with personal issues. My heart went out to these people, but I had no answers. As I said earlier, I knew that Jesus and church should have the answers, but the Jesus and church I knew, didn’t. Yet when Pastor Steve introduced me to the the real Jesus, and I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, all that changed.
Jesus Is Relevant
First, our new church is a very relevant place because Jesus lives here in the hearts of His people who are truly the body of Christ. Each week we hear the word of God taught, one book at a time, verse by verse through the entire book. Where we leave off one week, we pick up right there the next week. Vera and I have never been so blessed and so loved. We have learned that if anything at all is bothering us, no matter how minor or major, someone will place a hand on our shoulder, and we will be prayed for, along with whatever it may be that concerns us. Sometimes these impromptu prayer meetings happen at church, but more ofter than not they happen when and wherever our paths happen to cross.
We’ve been at this new church for about two years now, and these people that are in love with Jesus have been pouring love into our lives, and it is starting to overflow into the lives of others.
For example, in the last week we’ve had the opportunity to pray with and encourage people on at least six different occasions. The first was an incident when we saw a former Adventist sitting in the parking lot of a doctor’s office waiting for his wife. Vera got a phone call canceling her appointment just as we pulled into the parking lot, so we had time to spend about an hour with him and then his wife when she came out after her appointment.
The next event occurred when two different men came into the food pantry where Vera and I volunteer. One was a gentleman that had been baptized at the same time we were. The other was a man in his mid-seventies, and this homesteading life out here in this rough country is getting to be a bit too much for him.
I prayed that he would receive an outpouring of the Holy Spirit and that he would receive all the blessings that came with an indwelling of the Spirit. When I finished praying, he gave me a huge grin as his eyes were glistening with tears and said, “Grandpa, I can still pick you up.”
Then there was our almost 17-year-old grandson; he was baptized at the Adventist church this last Saturday afternoon. After it was all over, I walked up to him and gave him the usual bear hug that I always give him, but this time, I just started praying for him. I prayed that he would receive an outpouring of the Holy Spirit and that he would receive all the blessings that came with an indwelling of the Spirit. When I finished praying, he gave me a huge grin as his eyes were glistening with tears and said, “Grandpa, I can still pick you up.” I just grinned back at him and kissed him on top of his head. It was then that I realized that there were six or eight people looking on. I could tell by their expression that at least some of them were thinking that I was really weird—but that’s okay; I’m going to keep right on praying for them, too.
Then today, Sunday, there were two families. One is a dad and mom with several young children. They started coming to church several weeks ago and hadn’t been there for the last couple of weeks ,so Vera and I went looking for their homestead and found one that looked to be the right one. We stopped in and had the most wonderful visit! The children showed Vera their chickens, ducks, and rabbits, and the father showed me all his projects that he is working on, getting ready for the fast approaching winter.
The second family just left our house today, not long ago. They are new in the neighborhood as of this last spring, and they started working on their homesteading project over the summer. We didn’t even know they were coming to see us until about ten minutes before they got here. A friend just called us up and said that he was sending them over.
So they showed up with their little boy who was just learning to walk. They had four types of jerky they wanted us to try: elk, octopus, kangaroo, and alligator. They asked us to choose two, so we chose octopus and alligator just to be a bit on the wild side. Then we invited them to church, and they said that they had been planning to attend all along, but something always got in the way. They promised that they would start coming. We talked about the Lord for a while, and they told us about how God had provided for them in so many ways in their homesteading endeavors. Before they left, we prayed with them, thanking Him for new friends and asking for the Lord’s blessing in their lives.
Homesteading life is not the easiest life, but it is very rewarding. Some folks come and have all the needed financial backing to support their efforts, but most are like Vera and me, paying as we go. I’ve seen some families living in tents when winter hits with snow and sub-zero temperatures. Many give up and move on, leaving abandoned shacks and trash behind, but others tough it out, and eventually they have something to show for their efforts.
This is where the Lord brought us some four years before we knew who He was. He planted us here to bloom and bear fruit for Him. He gives us the work He prepares for us in advance to do. In him we have been made relevant.
“Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, and [then] comes the harvest’? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest.
“Already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.
“For in this [case] the saying is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’”—John 4:35–37
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