My Anger and Four Hard Lessons

 MICHAEL PURSLEY

From the get-go, let me tell you that I did not have this list in my hip pocket, far from it! This list jelled gradually as I slowly realized the truth about Seventh-day Adventism. As that realization grew, my anger grew. 

1. I was angry that people who knew better willingly told me a lie.
2. I was angry that many early Adventist Church leaders knew the denomination was being built on a mountain of lies but did nothing.
3. I was angry at God that He would allow me to grow up believing and dedicating myself to a lie.
4. I was angry at myself for not seeing the lies a lot earlier; what was wrong with me, I wondered?
5. I was angry at everyone in Seventh-day Adventism who, it seemed, was too stupid to see the lies for themselves.

As you can see, I soon had a lot of anger issues that I had to deal with—along with a lot of depression. To be sure, some of the anger was pretty irrational. I am sure I felt like that spouse whose partner had cheated on him, with all their friends knowing about it but going along and choosing not to say anything, just pretending everything was OK.

You see, the most sacred part of my being—my relationship with God—had been violated, and now I was grieving. Worse yet, I didn’t know what to do in this grieving process. I had no idea what normal grief was, nor did I know what was not expected.

Further, I had to figure out how to deal with all the different issues I now confronted; I even had to figure out what those issues were. It would have been nice to have a book to guide me through this transition, or someone to talk to, but I was alone. And then—I was a man without an identity. I say this because, as it was for many of you, the Seventh-day Adventist Church was my identity. 

Perhaps I can put it this way: I thought that God had been the center of my life, but I began to realize He was certainly not the focus. And this realization was the most challenging aspect that I had to learn. Truthfully, I am still learning it today. But as the old Puritan, John Owen, once said, “It is one thing to know the truth, but it is another thing to understand the power of that truth.”

Four Hard Lessons

Let me give you four things that I have had to learn the hard way over many years and through many trials, wrong turns, traps, and dead ends. I give the glory to God, though, for He did not leave me, even when I hated Him for letting me be an Adventist, and when I ran from Him as fast as I could go until I could run no further.

1. Remove the lies from your thinking and replace them with the truth. It seems like an obvious thing to do, except that you may not know what God’ s absolute truth is for a while. You may not even want to know. But be gentle with yourself; give yourself time, and start looking for the truth. You see,  God wants us to learn to replace the system of lies which we once believed—and He has given us one sure source of that truth: His word. Give yourself some time to heal before you make any significant decisions about your next steps. Just take time to pray and read the Bible. Some people will take longer than others to figure out what God wants and teaches, but be open to learning.

2. Create new trenches of truth in your mind. Repeated thinking activates the same repeated emotional patterns which trigger our automatic responses—such as fear when we hear an Adventist tell us that falling away from the church was all foretold. To stop those automatic fear triggers, identify and remind yourself of the lie behind the trigger and replace that trigger with God’s truth. For example, I replaced that particular lie with John 6:37: “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.” That verse reminded me that even though I was “falling away” from Adventism, I was coming to Jesus, and He would not cast me out. And there are many other promises of God’s continual love towards us that you can use.

3. Reframe. We cannot control the past or what happens to us now, but God can help us understand our experiences correctly. We all have cognitive biases that cause us to see things in ways that do not reflect reality. But God can and will give us the understanding to help us to reframe things. Learn how to view the past and the future from His perspective. And I can tell you that when you look back, you will see that God was not only there in your life, but it was He who created all this weakness you are experiencing, and He created it to help you to lean on Him!

When you see and understand that God is in control of everything that happens to you, then you come to a place where you can trust him with your future.

4. You will change your perspective through prayer and praise. It has been said that it is easy to feel overwhelmed by everything that is happening, but even when we’ve had enough of the stress and overwhelm, God is enough for us. Not only is God enough, but God is also near. However, we must stay mindful of His presence. When we do, it leads us to pray. Studies show that praying changes our brain, just as does praising God. We praise Him for who He is, even if we don’t receive what we want. In fact, sometimes we praise Him for what He is doing that we cannot see. And as we praise God, He gives us peace of mind.

He Will Carry You Home

During this transition out of Adventism—which is a very terrible time—decide that you will not allow yourself or anybody else to see you as you used to be. You are a new creature in Christ Jesus! God is doing something new in you today! Your old, self-centered and rule-centered life is gone; a new life of grace has begun and is now becoming more centered in Christ Jesus. I am reminded of the words of William Cowper on this point, “Judge not the Lord with your feeble sense, but trust him for His grace; behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face.”

What I am saying is that your identity is no longer wrapped up in a church but is now in Christ. And it is this misplaced identity where many fail, for most have never made their identity in Christ but in their denomination. This churchy identity is nothing more than denominational tribalism. I know; I have been there! But for true Christians, our identity must always be in Christ and Christ alone. 

So, instead of becoming fixated on the past with your old church, you can now accomplish this identity transition to Christ by training yourself to permanently fix your thoughts on Jesus and see the world through that one single context. He made you. He will sustain you, and He can carry you home. †

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Michael Pursley has accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as his Savior. He completely and humbly rests upon the fact that God has revealed Himself in Jesus Christ who has blotted out all of his sins. Because of Jesus he has hope, peace, and joy, and his prayer is that all who do not know Jesus will trust Him who calls the dead to life. You may contact him at michaelpursley@gmail.com.