NICOLE STEVENSON
It was Saturday, January 16, 2010. In our parental exhaustion we planned to skip church that day. My husband—a natural early morning riser— was happily “on duty” for when our baby and our three-year-old would awaken. He missed being a part of their mornings during the week and looked forward to this rare time with them. I was a weary mom who looked forward to the sleep—which is why it was such a strange thing when my eyes opened that morning, and I found myself suddenly awake and rested at such an early hour.
Turning to see my husband still deeply asleep beside me, I realized that neither child had stirred or called for us. It was far too early for me to be awake and also much too late for the three of them to still be so deeply asleep. Pondering the strangeness of it all, I decided it must be a sign that I needed to get up and read my Bible, because only God could bring about such a situation!
After pouring my coffee I flopped onto my favorite chair by the window in the living room, still quite mystified by how strange it all seemed. With my Bible in my lap, I prayed, “God, if you’re more present today than any other day because it’s Sabbath, then please hear my prayer and show me what I need to know.” (Can you count the number of false teachings in that prayer or measure the depths of their heresies?)
I couldn’t see my way into another church because we had the Sabbath, and leaving Sabbath could mean being deceived and receiving the mark of the beast!
Over the previous months I’d read Dale Ratzlaff’s book Truth Led me Out and had pursued some interesting conversations with my mother-in-law. I knew there were issues with the Adventist leaders and that some shady things had occurred both in our historical past and at the current organizational level. Even so, I couldn’t see my way into another church because we had the Sabbath, and leaving Sabbath could mean being deceived and receiving the mark of the beast! My husband was ready to leave Adventism, but I was not yet convinced.
After praying I closed my eyes and allowed my Bible to fall open randomly in my lap (much like a magic Bible-8-ball). Looking down, expecting a miraculous response to my prayer, I saw in large bold letters, “Paul’s letter to the GALATIANS”. I was irritated. How on earth will this help me? I was annoyed but went with it. I began reading—and ended in tears.
The next day, a Sunday, my family and I attended our first Christian church service.
This year January 16 landed on a Sunday. As I heard my pastor speak this week about Sanctity of Life Sunday, I was transported back to that first service I attended a dozen years earlier. That Sunday this same faithful preacher spoke of the sanctity of life boldly. He spoke of the value of all people no matter their tribe, kindred, or nation, and he brought the gospel to bear on our hearts through the book of Philemon! This year, as I recalled that day, I thanked God again for all He did to bring us to Himself and all He’s walked us through to help us unpack our past—piece by painful piece.
The Fire Hose
Within the following week after that morning in 2010, God led my family to the Former Adventist Fellowship ministry which happened to meet at the church He led us to that Sunday morning. As it turned out, their annual conference would be convening in just a few short weeks. Our new friends were persistent in urging us to attend, and we did. I often refer to that weekend as Former Adventist Boot Camp because of the amount of information they provided and because of the powerful thrust it offered us on our walk down this strange path of leaving Adventism.
If you haven’t ever attended a conference, I strongly encourage it! If travel is an issue you should know that they’re live streamed every year. Further, all past conferences are on the Former Adventist Fellowship YouTube channel so you can receive the same “boot camp” I experienced by watching the 2010 conference right now!
Every realization of another lie I’d believed resurfaced all the indignation and upset that comes with realizing you’d been brainwashed.
At that first conference I met a woman who would become a mentor to me for a season. One afternoon as we visited on the phone we were discussing the doctrine of hell. In frustration I exclaimed that I wished God would just remove the error in my head and transplant all I needed to know in just one moment—I knew that He could! I was weary of the seemingly insurmountable task of unpacking Adventism and replacing it with contextual Biblical truth. Every realization of another lie I’d believed resurfaced all the indignation and upset that comes with realizing you’d been brainwashed.
Her response to me has stayed with me all these years later. She told me that God is merciful and compassionate and that He brings us to what we need to know in His timing and in His way. She said that if He were to do what I asked, it would be like making a baby drink from a fire hose full blast. She urged me to be patient and to know I would spend a lifetime learning from God and that my salvation is not based on knowing everything but rather on the object of my faith—the Lord Jesus.
A Fire Hose Witness
Every year at this time, memories and conversations like these pass through my mind as I do my normal mundane tasks of life. I remember the infancy of early faith after leaving Adventism. I recall the faithfulness of God in the years and trials that followed, and I’m moved to tears of gratitude for the growing faith God has given me as He conforms my understanding of Him to Biblical reality.
You see, this year someone I deeply love and have prayed for over the last 12 years is at the earliest stages of seeing the errors of Adventism.
This year, though, is different. All of those things are still present, but this year it’s the conversation I had with that dear friend that I can’t stop recalling. You see, this year someone I deeply love and have prayed for over the last 12 years is at the earliest stages of seeing the errors of Adventism. Her questions are good, her responses to truth are appropriate, and as she dips her toes into the pool of discovery, she has seemed to submit to the authority of Scripture, giving it the last word in relation to her questions. Everything seems lined up for her adventure out of Adventism and into the gospel, and I’m one of the blessed people God has offered her to help her—and this terrifies me!
I don’t usually feel terrified by this task— it’s such a wonderful thing to help others see the gospel and break free from the deception of Adventism. What makes this time different is that this person is a family member. I feel the wash of terror flood over me at the thought of messing this up—of saying too much, or not saying enough! I fear pushing her away or swallowing her up with too much information. I feel the pressure of time; what if I don’t pursue her enough but instead let her come to me and too much time passes and it’s too late to get back to this time of openness? What if I pursue her too hard and overwhelm her and she runs from me altogether? What if I’m that fire hose turned on full blast? Or what if I’m a hindrance to truth in my attempts not to be the fire hose?
Baby Steps Led by God
When these concerns rise up in me, it’s like I’m right back on that phone call. I hear my friend saying, “God is merciful and compassionate,” and I know He will lead my loved one in her learning, and He will lead me in my witnessing—in His timing and in His way. My job is to submit to Him and to be patient. I’m commanded in Scripture to reflect the communicable attributes of my Father, and in this situation it involves showing mercy and compassion by not overwhelming my loved one with more than she needs right now. I’m to let my Father lead her, and in doing so, He will lead me.
It’s true, I feel like a guard dog on a leash right now. My nature wants to charge the error that has entrapped her and battle it to the death to break her free from its snare. Yet, in doing so I would most certainly wound her. And so I sit, waiting and praying that God would use me as He wills and that He would prevent me from proceeding from my flesh.
I find myself repenting for thinking more of myself than I ought; for thinking I have the power to bring to effect or to remove His call on her based on my performance.
I find myself repenting for thinking more of myself than I ought; for thinking I have the power to bring to effect or to remove His call on her based on my performance. I keep needing to confess that His love and His call on her is abundantly more powerful than my ability to “blow it”, and I rejoice in knowing that even in this I can rest in His finished work!
God in His Sovereignty will have all who are His. No one can take them out of His hand. All who the Father draws come to the Son. These are truths that cannot be broken because Scripture cannot be broken. These are the promises of God. Remembering these truths allows me to rest in Him and to entrust Him with this process, knowing that the witnessing He calls us to do is also an expression of His mercy as He invites us into the beautiful experience of His calling His children to life.
Trusting God With Those We Love
One of the questions I hear most often asked by former Adventists is related to how we reach our loved ones. It’s also one of the questions that most breaks my heart. I know the pain behind it. If I were to answer that question it would begin with a frustrating and seemingly non-answer. It would be to submit your request to God and entrust Him with them, accepting His timing and ways in all things, and then to turn your efforts and attention onto Him, committing your life to learning both from Him and about Him in His Word.
Step one would be to acknowledge Him in all your ways, to delight in knowing more of Him, to pray to grow in your faith and accurate knowledge of Him, and to bring yourself to the place where you can bend the knee and bow your head proclaiming Him to be Just, Righteous, Good, and Worthy of all things, even if your loved ones never do come to faith. I truly believe that step one is submitting to God even if your loved ones are lost forever.
Step two would be to remember how God reached you. No doubt if you spend enough time pondering this process, you’ll see how it happened over a lifetime of steps and stages, of various influences whether distant or close. God reaches us over a lifetime and rarely only uses one person to help us grow in our knowledge of Him and of salvation. When we see how He worked in our lives, we are better able to entrust our family to Him, knowing that one’s salvation doesn’t depend only on the faithfulness of a singular witness. Rather, it all depends upon God and is developed in us by many means and through the witnesses and influences of many people. Contrary to what Adventism taught us, we cannot win or lose souls by our performance for God.
I believe that in submitting to step one and two, we are better equipped to speak the truth in love, and with conviction and tested faith behind us, we know that our primary loyalty is to God and His truth and that we do not have the power to either save or lose any who are His. When our Father is first in all things, it’s then that I believe we are most useful to Him.
This reliance on God doesn’t mean that I believe we don’t talk to our families or tell our families about our faith, but it does mean that we don’t pursue speaking above the commands given to us in Scripture that we are to grow to maturity in Christ. Be patient. Trust God. And above all, as we pursue knowing more of Him all the days of our lives, waiting to see what and who He brings to us as we walk with Him in faith, we will no doubt discover countless reasons to rejoice in God and to thank Him for His faithfulness to and through us.
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one” (John 10: 27-30).
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the Prophets, ‘And they will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me— not that anyone has seen the Father except he who is from God; he has seen the Father. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life” (John 6: 44-47). †
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