Interviewing the Kids of Former Adventists

This week as I was considering topics for this blog, my thoughts were interrupted by the noise of unabated laughter in the back rooms of my home. Our kids, Joshua and Abigail, had two of their best friends staying with us for one last hurrah before the school year begins. 

Ethan and Megan are two of Michael and Laurie Werk’s three children; their third and eldest is Austin. The Werk family joined our local FAF fellowship during 2014-2017. I give a range of dates because they didn’t all leave Adventism at the same time; their exodus happened through a careful process of Michael faithfully leading His family and trusting God for the outcome. You can hear Michael’s testimony at the beginning of the video here:.  Since they’ve joined our local fellowship, our children have become dear friends. In fact, if you were to ask them, they would say they’ve become family—and rightly so! 

As I heard our four kids laughing together in the back rooms, I thought it might be fun to ask them to share with you what leaving Adventism was like for them. Below they share how God has taught them and glorified Himself through the hard choices their parents made to leave behind their heritage of Adventism and follow Jesus. All four kids happily agreed to share their experience and thoughts with you. Their hope is to encourage those who remain in the balance of deciding whether or not to uproot their children and leave for the gospel. 

An Interview with the Kids: Ethan and Megan 

Nikki: Now, how old were you when your parents left Adventism and how old are you now?

Megan: I was 10 and now I’m 14.

Ethan: And I was 12 and now I’m 16.

Nikki: Can you tell me what it was like for you to watch your parents work through the early days of leaving Adventism? 

Ethan: I remember initially my dad stopped coming to our Adventist church, and I was kinda confused. I was like, “Why isn’t he here, he’s working PA?” But I just kinda didn’t worry about it. Then I remember, one night— which you probably heard in my dad’s testimony— he brought us all together and he was telling us to get every Bible in the house and go through the passage about Adam and Eve. Now, I remember specifically, in Adventism, we were watching an animated film, and it had Eve walking over to Adam to give him the apple, and that was what I was thinking about at the time. Then we read through every single Bible, and it always said that Adam was with Eve. I was just kinda like, “Oh that’s interesting, I didn’t know that,” but I didn’t question it very much. But then I also remember, later on my dad took us to Redeemer Fellowship and he said, “Free donuts!” And I was like OK, yeah, I’m alright with this! Yeah, I just didn’t expect everything that would come after that. 

Megan: At first it was a little scary. We didn’t know what was happening. We knew what they were talking about because they would tell us, but going to church was a stressful topic. I remember my mom still went to church, and Austin and I went with her so she wasn’t alone. I was always somewhere with no day off. I went to the Adventist church on Saturday, my dad’s church on Sunday, and school all week. Then when we looked at the story of Adam and Eve, in my mind I thought, “Why would they have told us they were apart when in all the Bibles we read they were together?”

Nikki: So, there was a period of time when your parents weren’t going to church together. What was it like watching that? Did it worry you? 

Megan: A little bit. I just didn’t know what was going to happen next. 

Ethan: I don’t think I really understood what was going on at the time, even if I was like 12 or 13. I just saw it as, “My did isn’t coming to church; I’m not completely sure why, but he must be at home, like, watching videos of it or something.” I don’t think I fully understood until we started going to Redeemer Fellowship and until he started explaining it to my mom, and we started going on Friday nights. I think that’s when I started figuring out what was happening. 

Nikki: So when you figured out what was happening, did it make you nervous thinking about leaving your church?

Ethan: Kind of because I have a bunch of memories there that I think of as good. Like, there was one tree I remember climbing, and that was really fun (laughing). And then I remember like a year after we left, we went back there for the Easter pageant, and we were walking around, and I was kinda tearing up and I was like, “Wow, this is a loss.”

Megan: I had been there since I was a baby. I had met really nice people and had a bunch of friends. To know I wouldn’t necessarily see them again was sad. 

Nikki: So what are some of the losses you feel?

Ethan: Something that happened that I didn’t know happened until later on when my mom told me was that at the Adventist Church I had two main friends, and one of them stopped coming to church before we stopped, but I didn’t realize that. Then my other friend who was still there didn’t want to keep going to church after I left, and that was sad to hear. 

Megan: I think definitely my friends. And there was one lady at our church whom I was really close with, and we haven’t talked ever since. There was one family who we were really close with, and I didn’t necessarily know what would happen after we left, but thankfully they talked with my parents and studied, and now they are coming to Redeemer, too. 

Nikki: That’s wonderful! We love having them with us, too! So, relationship losses are definitely a part of leaving Adventism, sadly. Can you tell us some ways that God has provided for you in the light of those losses?

Megan: Laughter fills the room as Megan points both hands at Abbie with a big smile on her face. Best friends!! And I’m very happy that my whole family is still really close even though we believe different things. 

Nikki: Yes, God has preserved those connections for you guys, and that’s wonderful!

Ethan: I had those two friends there, but then I left, and now I have a lot of friendship, and they’re closer than the ones I once had. 

Nikki: Do you recognize now that your fiends who are believers are more than friends, they’re actually family? 

Ethan and Megan together: Yeah!

Nikki: Does that feel different?

Ethan: It does. 

Megan: I’m closer with my friends now than I was then. 

Ethan: Yeah.

Nikki: What are some changes that you’ve noticed in your family since leaving Adventism?

Ethan: I think the biggest one is the family relationships with family outside of our immediate family—like our aunts and uncles, because they’re still very Adventist. Mainly my mom’s dad is really Adventist and will talk about it constantly. 

Megan: (With a sad level of weariness in her voice) We try to not let him bring anything up, but sometimes he will just bring up stuff and we try to not listen— at least I try to not listen. 

Nikki: If there was one thing that you could say to that grandpa and he would listen, what would you say to him? 

Ethan: Only one thing..?

Nikki: It doesn’t have to be one thing. 

Ethan: The first thing is to explain the gospel, because I remember my mom telling me that was one of the most helpful things to her. I remember someone asked him what the gospel was, and he said “the good news”, or something along those lines. Yes, it is, but he didn’t elaborate, or when he did, it was more Adventist explanation. 

Megan: I would probably say something similar to what Ethan said, but I know I’m still learning truth, so I don’t want to engage with Adventist arguments until I learn more. 

Nikki: What are some things that you see in your immediate family that are different now after Adventism?

Megan: The family is more interested in reading the Bible, and we all want to go to church now. It’s not like we have to go to church. I definitely look forward to Sundays to see my friends, too. 

Ethan: It does feel like that, because I have friends who are like family, and it’s always good to see family. It’s more enjoyable now. 

Nikki: There are a lot of people questioning Adventism right now, especially after 2020, and many of them have kids rooted in Adventist systems. What advice do you have for those kids who are going through this right now? 

Ethan: Trust God. Everything will work out. Romans 8:28 is a verse that I like, that I think of. “God causes all things to work together for good  to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes.” It will all work out for His glory. 

Megan: Ask your parents lots of questions. We asked our parents lots of questions because we didn’t know a lot about what was going on. Be involved in the process. 

Nikki: And what advice do you have for their parents?

Megan: Just try to read the Bible, both alone and with your kids. 

Ethan: Try reading through the Bible without any bias. Don’t think about anything else—just you, the Bible, God—whatever it says is true, and you need to know that. 

Nikki: What are some things your parents did for you that made this easier? 

Ethan: My mom was actually willing to go to church and Bible study and listen. 

Megan: Mmm hmm.

Ethan: At the Friday night study she wanted to learn. She wanted to know why my dad was questioning Adventism. I remember she was really worried about it, but she was willing to stick with him and go there and go through that. It was all worth it!

Megan: I think just the fact that they would also talk to us about it made us not as confused as I think we would have been if we weren’t a part of what was happening. 

Nikki: Yeah, you really did it as a family. I’ve never seen so many people leave Adventism at the same time, because your family came out and then friends followed you and then your uncle…it was like a mass exodus. (Laughter filled the room)

Nikki: So, what is it like when you hear some of the unique Adventist teachings that sound so strange now? 

Ethan: I remember when Austin was in his Sabbath School class they had a book they were going through with some of the crazy ideas of the Adventist Church— stuff I didn’t know yet. I think they slipped some of it into our younger classes, but they didn’t point it out clearly and go through it methodically. I thought Adventism was Christianity, but they just called themselves Adventists. I didn’t really know anything about how we were different until after we left because I hadn’t been taught it clearly yet. I think it was really good that I hadn’t learned all the teachings because I would have been much more confused than I was when we left. I remember being somewhat confused, but not as confused as I would have been—which was really good. 

Megan: I never really listened during church (laughter filled the room), and in my Sabbath School they mostly told you Bible stories. So, when hearing about Adventism now, it’s weird to think I used to go to an Adventist church.

Nikki: It all felt so normal while we were there, didn’t it? 

Ethan and Megan together: Yeah!

Ethan: I remember at the FAF conference they were talking about EGW having a seizure or something during a vision. Her condition was like demonic possession, and I was like, “How can you not question that?”

Nikki: Yeah, Adventism has a very wild history that is just accepted by Adventists. 

Ethan: Yeah 

Nikki: How has leaving affected your personal relationship with Jesus, and what would you want to be sure to say to anyone reading this? 

Ethan: It’s much better now. And I think the main thing I’d want to say is Romans 8:28. All things work together. It is true. One day you will feel better, and it will all work out. 

Megan: I definitely want to read the Bible more and learn more about Him. And I agree with Ethan about Romans 8:28.

Joshua and Abigail

Nikki: So, Abbie, you’re 12 now, but you were only ten months old when we left. Even so, as you know, our leaving impacted a lot of relationships and created strains and some losses. How have you seen God provide for us in spite of that? 

Abbie: Sometimes thinking about it..it’s a bit hard knowing how it’s impacted our family, but leaving was for the best, and God has provided us with family and friends. 

Nikki: Since you don’t have any memory of being Adventist; you’ve only grown up with the true gospel. What is it like hearing about some of the things your parents used to believe? I know foot washing was a shock to you. 

Abbie: (laughing) A lot of it is weird! It’s weird to me that you guys actually believed and did all you did in Adventism! It’s weird to me that you believed it without proof of it from the Bible. 

Nikki: Yeah, that’s weird to me, too! (Laughing) Now, you’ve grown up inside of the local ministry to former Adventists with Richard and Colleen— known to you as grandpa and grandma— and you’ve been around this ministry your whole life, so you’ve seen a lot of different kinds of people come through and learn the truth about Adventism and process it—whether at Sunday lunch or Friday night Bible study. What are some things you’ve noticed about these people as they work their way out of Adventism? 

Abbie: Well, it’s pretty cool watching people’s amazement over the things they once believed and then witnessing their “Ah ha!” moments with the Bible. It’s cool to see them see truth and see things they never saw before with joy.  

Nikki: Do you remember watching the Werks leave? 

Abbie: Yes, it was interesting that they hadn’t ever considered any of it could be wrong, but then suddenly they were seeing the truth, and they were excited and happy to see it! 

Nikki: So you’ve seen a lot of families (some with kids) leave Adventism, whether they stay local or just pass through for a visit. You’ve seen a big sample of people who’ve left Adventism for the gospel, and along with that you know that a lot of them experience losses with that choice. What advice would you offer someone who doesn’t know how many other people have been through these hard things and who may be trying to decide what to do?

Abbie: I’d tell them to trust God, and if you have family and friends who don’t want to leave with you or hear from you, just know that God is doing something in your life. He will give you the people you need in your life. It will probably be hard, but it’s for the better. There are many people who know what you’re going through. You’re not alone. 

Nikki: Yes there are, and you’re right, they’re not alone! Now, Josh, you were three when we left, and you’re 14 now. What do you remember about being in Adventism?

Josh: I don’t remember any of it. I do remember my first time going to the Tinkers, but I just remember playing with other kids. 

Nikki: What is it like hearing some of the teachings your dad and I used to believe? 

Josh: It’s hard for me to believe that you guys actually believed them because they sound ridiculous. Maybe it’s just because I have the context of the Bible that you guys didn’t have as much because you were taught through the lens of Ellen White, but with the full context of the Bible and reading it the way it was meant to be read, it all just sounds ridiculous.

Nikki: Well, yeah; praise God! What has it been like for you growing up in the ministry around so many people who’ve left Adventism, and what have you noticed about them?

Josh: They always seem VERY surprised and very amazed to see things the way they are and to look at the Bible without the lens that they were looking at it through before. 

Nikki: Do you recognize that a lot of them have struggles when they leave? 

Josh: Yeah; sometimes they’ll lose a partner or friends and family. 

Nikki: Does it appear to you that its worth it to them? 

Josh: Yeah! They understand how important it is! 

Nikki: What advice do you have for parents who are on the fence about leaving Adventism because they’re worried about their kids? 

Josh: If you’re going to leave, do it now while they’re young rather than waiting longer and letting them get older where they’ll have even more to lose. I don’t remember being an Adventist; I’ve only been taught Christianity, and I’m glad for it. But even if they’re older, just leave. Adventism has a false gospel, and a false gospel doesn’t save. This may be hard to hear, but this shouldn’t be a hard question; you are weighing a few months of struggle for your kids (which God will redeem) against an eternity in hell.

Parental Reflections

Ethan and Megan were old enough to understand what was going on when their family left Adventism. Their parents were amazing through the process! After listening to the kids share their thoughts with me, I decided to ask Laurie and Michael to share some of their own reflections of that time and to offer advice to those who may be in a similar position as they consider how to leave with their kids.

Michael and Laurie

We tried to be open with the kids once Michael decided to leave. We sat them down and told them what was going on and tried not to be adversarial. We encouraged them not to just accept what we say but to listen to both sides, see what the Bible says, and then make their choice— take a position. 

Leaving generated a lot of conversations— especially around the dinner table. This was amazing! We talked abut what we had learned in Adventism, what we were learning now, and what the Bible said. When we looked in every Bible translation to read about Adam and Eve, it was very impacting for us and for them. The kids were curious to learn. Seeing them now with their Bibles open in church listening to sermons is amazing and brings tears to my eyes. 

Austin never expressed an interest to study and be baptized in Adventism. I was worried he would never make that decision. Not long after we left he came to us and said he wanted to be baptized. He felt that Adventism was a lot of rules. He feels freer and not worried he’s not living up to the rules and being perfect. He enjoys being in “Sabbath rest” daily!

The friendships we and the kids have now aren’t like the ones we had in Adventism. Our relationships have more depth. The adults we know pray for each other and share their hurts and pain. When they say they are praying for you, they mean it! 

The mentorship our kids have now has been amazing. We feel so blessed to have adults that love our kids, are patient, teach them, and answer their questions. Women will patiently answer Megan’s questions. 

We were fortunate to be able to attend the FAF Bible studies with the kids and to participate and walk through important topics together. The kids knew they could ask questions. Adults at the study would take time to ask our kids what questions they had and then spend time answering them with Bible study. The kids are open now to reading and studying the Bible. They even read it on their own!

Our kids had a safe place at home and in a Biblical church. They knew they could ask us questions, and if we couldn’t answer them, we knew we could go to others for help. Having a Bible teaching church (and a simpler service) was an important part of this process. 

As we approached this situation, Michael felt that integrity with our kids was important. He didn’t want the kids to look back and say, “You knew the truth and didn’t do anything about it or teach it to us.” Laurie also wanted to study; to know the truth. She wanted to know and to teach the kids what the Bible said. Don’t be afraid to search for the truth; kids are resilient.

Carel and Nikki

Like with Michael and Laurie, integrity was important to us. We also needed to know that as our kids got older and individuated, as teens do, that there would be people around who truly believed the Bible and who would invest in and mentor our kids faithfully for the sake of Christ.

In Adventism we often encountered ideas we didn’t want to teach our kids. When we became involved in Youth Ministry at our local Adventist congregation, we realized quickly that we had significant influence in the lives of the teens we mentored. We also began to notice that what we felt comfortable teaching them didn’t always line up with what their parents taught and believed regarding Adventism. We saw that these kids were more incline to respond to our ideas about God than to the norms inside their homes—at least for a time. When that sank in for us, we realized that our kids could eventually be vulnerable to teachings we deeply disagreed with and could be carried away into various disturbing aspects of (or off shoots of) Adventism. 

When we understood the true gospel fully, we knew we had to be an example to our kids of walking in integrity and of not compromising for relational comfort or some other reason. We had to root ourselves in a Bible teaching church where our kids could go ask questions of others as they matured and where we could feel confident that the Bible alone would guide the council they would receive. 

We also felt it was important to be open with our kids as they grew up and saw that we lived and believed differently from our Adventist family. We knew we were tasked not only with teaching them the true gospel, but also with arming them against future attempts by relatives to bring them back into Adventism. 

Raising them under the faithful bible teaching of Pastor Gary Inrig and alongside the teaching ministries of Former Adventist Fellowship and Life Assurance Ministries has been a true blessing. Our kids are clear on the gospel; they will never be deceived by Adventism. They know their Lord and are learning how to trust and praise Him in every situation. They also know that they can trust the people they are in fellowship with to pray for them, to read and study Scripture with them, and to always point them to Christ as Lord. 

Mark 10:29-30 is a promise from the lips of Christ Himself—the faithful and true promise keeper. Jesus told us that in this life we would have troubles, that He Himself would be a sword that would divide families and separate friends. Those who bear the name of Christ in this world live in a hostile land while we await the return of our Lord; even so, God has told us that He will provide for us abundantly. We urge you to trust Him with where He’s calling you to walk. The God of the Bible will not trick you. He loves your kids even more than you do, and His call of you is also a call to bring your kids to Him and to trust Him with them. He will not fail you or your children. 

“Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.”—Jesus 

Mark 10:29-30