Colleen and Nikki talk about what they do that has value during the long days of the pandemic. Podcast was published May 24, 2020. Transcription by Gwen Billington.
Nikki: Welcome to Former Adventist podcast. I’m Nikki Stevenson.
Colleen: And I’m Colleen Tinker.
Nikki: And we are here checking in again during this social distancing. I wonder how many this has been now, Colleen.
Colleen: I’ve lost count, kind of like I’ve lost count of the days during all of this.
Nikki: Yeah. I think for my family we’re at week nine.
Colleen: Okay. So that would be eight for us, more or less.
Nikki: Yeah, somewhere around there. It seems a lot longer, doesn’t it?
Colleen: That’s a large portion of the year.
Nikki: Yeah, but it feels like several months.
Colleen: That’s a sixth of the year so far.
Nikki: So how has your week been?
Colleen: Let me see if I can remember…
Nikki: [Laughter.]
Colleen: Well, you know, this arm, the injury to my wrist and the surgery, has been a little distracting, and now this last week the pain has been much more managed. It’s interesting how I went in on Tuesday and had the stitches removed and a cast put on for the next three weeks, after which I’ll do PT. I had this interesting experience of once again walking into the doctor’s office with a mask on and sitting in a waiting room that normally would hold, you know, maybe 30 chairs, and there’s like ten chairs in the room, six feet apart, four of them facing the wall, two of them facing the opposite wall, two of them facing the wall behind me. It was a very weird experience, and of course, with a mask on. I realized – I said to Richard when I got home, “You know, if I were to meet my surgeon out and about without masks, I don’t think I’d recognize him. He’s not a man I know. And I don’t know what his face looks like! I only see his head shape and his eyes!”
Nikki: Wild.
Colleen: He’d probably recognize me even less, because he sees so many patients in a day. But as I was sitting there getting the cast put on, I was aware that I didn’t feel like talking. The mask just seemed overwhelming. Why talk when I’m half covered? And I normally chat with people in situations like that. So halfway through I said to the tech, “So how many of these do you do in a day?” And he said, “Oh, at least 30, maybe 60, some days up to 60.” That was a bit shocking to me. So we did end up having a little chat, but I realized that wearing a mask makes me feel unable to communicate fully. And I know I can. It’s been causing me to think all kinds of thoughts about my identity being stifled, and then I have the thought: Why is it even affecting me that way? But it’s been interesting because it’s caused me to remember that in 2 Corinthians 3 Paul talks about the spirit covenant versus the law covenant. He ends the chapter with “We with unveiled faces” – contrary to the way Moses veiled his face so people wouldn’t see the glory of the Old Covenant fading, “we with unveiled faces are brought into more and more glory as we behold Christ.” And it was just an interesting reminder that in Christ we’re unveiled, no matter how we have to appear in public, no matter if my arm is in a cast and I’m struggling with pain or no matter if my mouth is blocked. In Christ I’m not blocked, and He gives me things to do, and my proper response is to do the next right thing.
Nikki: That’s incredible.
Colleen: Even if that’s asking the tech how many casts he does in a day [laughter] –
Nikki: [Laughter.]
Colleen: – and drawing him out. So, Nikki, what about you?
Nikki: First of all, I just want to say, it’s so fascinating, the way that you put that, and the fact that in Christ we have the fullness of our true identity. We are without identity, in a sense, when we don’t have Christ. We’re just one more walking dead person. But in Christ He gives us Himself, and He gives us ourselves. We don’t have meaning without Him, and that’s kind of where I’ve been sitting this last week is realizing that life is so completely totally meaningless without Him. The days are long, especially with the sun going down later.
Colleen: Yeah.
Nikki: They’re just long. Long days. And sometimes they’re quite busy. We’re coming up to the end of the school year for the kids. They have got two weeks left, and that means lots of tests and lots of reading, but when they’re not busy, they’re really long. [Laughter.]
Colleen: [Laughter.]
Nikki: And so I have had moments of sitting and thinking: What am I supposed to be doing to make the most of this time? What is God doing? And you know, it makes me think about Psalm 139 says that all of days were written in God’s book before one of them came into being, and even these long days were written in His book, and even these days, there’s purpose in them. Even if I’m sitting where I don’t have the kind of schedule I normally would, I don’t have the kind of routine that seems to give me purpose and drive, God has a plan. God has a daily agenda, if you will, and He’s at work in us. And I have found that in these silent moments, God has brought to mind things in me that I need to be more aware of, that I need to trust Him with. His process of sanctification never stops, it just doesn’t. While it looks different in different contexts, you know, when you’re constantly rubbing shoulders with other believers, iron sharpens iron, but even when you’re sitting on your back porch watching the birds, the Lord is at work in our hearts. And so it’s just sort of been the prayer of my heart lately that He would search me and know my anxious thoughts and know what drives me and see if there’s a hurtful way in me and lead me in His way.
Colleen: I have had moments also during this past week where, on the one hand, I feel like am I ever going to get over this silly bone problem. Just a year ago I had the knee surgery, and now I have the wrist, and like, what is wrong with me? I can feel pretty sorry for myself, and I’ve discovered too that since I’ve had actually over the past few years some times of significant chronic pain before my knee surgery and now some again with the arm, but the arm is getting better, but I’ve noticed that when I tend to block out my pain, I tend to also flatten out my internal sense of having a purpose in life. Like, if I’m going to block out this pain, then why do I even need to be worried about looking forward to things or feeling because all I’m doing is getting through the day. I’m not supposed to live like that. The Lord has ordained my days, and He is enough, He is sufficient, even through these times when I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out. And so I’ve had to remember, He’s given me so much on a moment-by-moment basis that is unusual. He’s given me a really clear day today, without any clouds in the sky, and we could walk our dog, who is such a sweetie, and this is something to be thankful for, this is something people who live in other places can’t do. And I don’t know why the Lord placed me where I can, but I need to recognize this is a gift from Him. And it’s part of His way of redeeming this time. My job is to ask Him to keep me faithful, to thank Him for what He’s doing that I can’t see, to thank Him for what He’s doing that I can see. And I really thank Him that He’s given me His word because for some reason – I know I keep saying this – but it is His word that has caused me to be able to get through these times when I feel hopeless or feel overwhelmed.
Nikki: Um-hmm.
Colleen: I don’t even know how it works, but I know it does. It makes me see that reality is bigger than I can perceive, and I’m not just a dot in a nothingness. [Laughter.] I have purpose, I’m His daughter.
Nikki: Yeah, when we know that God is sovereignly handling all things and that every day that we live was – it was written for us, that He’s in charge of the outcome of everything that we face, it really does allow us to rest and, like you said, thank Him for what He’s doing that we can’t see.
Colleen: I love the thought of 2 Corinthians 3, that with unveiled faces we reflect His glory from one degree of glory to another. That’s true for us when we’re born again, no matter what’s happening to us in our environment.
Nikki: Um-hmm.
Colleen: And if I trust Him, He’s faithful to complete what He started in me, like Paul says in Philippians 1:6. I don’t even have to know exactly how or what it is He’s doing. I just have to trust Him and do the next thing He shows me. So, Nikki, what have you been doing specifically that you wouldn’t have had time to do in your normal schedule?
Nikki: I’ve been doing a lot of birdwatching, and it’s caused me to want to learn about these different birds I’m seeing frolicking in my yard, and it’s pretty fascinating the detail that God put into creating these, even the personalities. You know, the scrub-jays are out there beating acorns against any hard surface they can get to, and then they feed them to each other. It’s really sweet.
Colleen: Wow.
Nikki: Yeah. And we have a flock of parrots who flies around here this time of year, and sadly, they’re much smaller this year than they have been in years past, but it’s just been fun to watch all of this, and so learning about these things. And then also we’re working on our yard, and so I’ve been doing some research on gardening, how do you garden in a zone 9, which it gets so hot here in the summer, and water is so expensive in California.
Colleen: Yeah.
Nikki: So I’ve been keeping busy that way. And honestly, that started with just wanting to avoid some of the conflict that I see online, both on social media, but even in just regular media, and it’s just gotten pretty exhausting, and so I’ve been intentional about looking at other things, and it’s been a blessing. It’s been a blessing to learn about this stuff, and it’s been a blessing to have more, I don’t know, space in my head for my children because I’m not chewing on things I’ve been reading or thinking about, and so it’s allowed for a lot of opportunity to discuss heavier things, weightier matters with my 11-year-old and my 13-year-old, and so it’s been a good week. It’s been a good, long week. [Laughter.]
Colleen: [Laughter.] I understand that. Oh, I have to tell you, it was funny, you’re talking about the scrub-jays beating the acorns, I watched a couple of scrub-jays in our yard fly away from a hanging basket with a cyclamen in it, and it has a mossy base and then the potting soil inside of that, and I watched those two scrub-jays fly away and land in a tree in our yard, and one of them had had the temerity to pluck moss from my basket to build a nest.
Nikki: [Laughter.]
Colleen: No wonder my baskets are being decimated. [Laughter.] The scrub-jays are taking them! But it is kind of fun to see it.
Nikki: It really is. And they will have their babies there with them for some time once they hatch.
Colleen: Right.
Nikki: So it will be fun to watch them.
Colleen: Yeah.
Nikki: And I found out that some of these birds will stay in the same area for up to 15 years.
Colleen: That’s amazing!
Nikki: It’s pretty fun to learn about this stuff. And there are birds out there that I’ve never seen before, and I don’t know what they are, but they’re bright orange, and there’s one that’s bright red and very small, and anyway, it’s been a lot of fun.
Colleen: That is such a wonderful thing. And we do live in a great zone for migrating birds in the spring. We see a lot of varieties, and it is fun. It is always fun to see you, even if remotely. [Laughter.]
Nikki: Yes, you too.
Colleen: Talking about our week and talking about Scripture has been one of God’s blessings to me in this time that I wouldn’t have foreseen, but it’s interesting to me how much going through Hebrews with you every Wednesday has been an anchor to me.
Nikki: Yeah, me too.
Colleen: Just diving deep into His word. There is something alive about God’s word, and I hope that all of you who are listening are finding that strength and support and foundation in God’s word during this time because this is a rarefied time, and none of us knows exactly how long this will last or what it will look like when it’s “over,” but God’s word doesn’t change. And our position in Him doesn’t change; our identity doesn’t change, no matter what happens to us.
Nikki: So if you haven’t joined us yet, please join us on our Wednesday podcast as we walk through Hebrews. We’re looking at Hebrews with a mind to the New Covenant, and it’s just been such a blessing, and if you have time, please join us. If you don’t, be sure you’re in God’s word. Copy Scripture, memorize Scripture, spend time there because that’s really where the days gain their meaning is in fellowship with Christ. So if you have questions or comments for us, write to us at formeradventist@gmail.com, and don’t forget you can go to proclamationmagazine.com to find past issues of the print magazine. You can also sign up for our weekly blog there, and there’s a donate button if you would like to come alongside us in this ministry. And again, we just encourage you to be in God’s word and to remember that He is with you through every moment, every long moment of this social distancing.
Colleen: We’ll see you next Wednesday.
Nikki: Bye.
- Inspecting Adventism’s Beliefs—God the Holy Spirit | 114 - October 17, 2022
- Inspecting Adventism’s Beliefs—Unity in the Body of Christ | 113 - October 17, 2022
- Inspecting Adventism’s Beliefs—The Remnant and Its Mission | 112 - September 7, 2022