MARTIN CAREY
When we are confronted with difficult challenges that nothing prepared us to handle, how should we seek God’s guidance? We know that He has promised never to leave us (Heb. 13:5), that He will help us when we need Him, and that He will supply all our needs (Php 4:19). But there will be times when we are overwhelmed, baffled, don’t know what to do. A good decision must be made pronto, and every option looks bad.
The Bible tells us to seek wisdom like miners dig for treasure (Prov. 2:2-4), for “discretion will guard you; understanding will watch over you” (vs. 11). In practical terms, what does seeking wisdom mean? Let’s face it, there isn’t a rule or formula for every problem or situation. No matter how many rules we memorize, life’s storms will come to undo our preparations and make us feel foolish. At that moment we need God’s guidance, and it may feel like He isn’t helping us at all.
When we feel most out of control, we tend to want more personal, specific messages from God. We are tempted to think that He is stingy with His direction. Is there a Bible text for every situation, and we just need to find it and claim it? As an Adventist, I was taught to look for Ellen White’s guidance for specific problems, to fill the gaps in guidance from Scripture. Scripture wasn’t enough for the details of life.
Should we look for certain “signs” to help us decode messages from Him? Often Christians have asked God for signs, as Gideon did when he put out the fleece in the night. He was hesitant to lead an army against Midianite oppressors. He put out the fleece twice for opposite results to find God’s direction (Judges 6), and God was gracious in His responses. Sometimes we might want to “put out the fleece” and wait for God’s specific answer to our problem. Some Christians have gone further, looking for signs in demanding to hear God’s audible voice, looking for “doors opening” or “doors shutting,” in strange coincidences, or even in cloud shapes. These methods of seeking God’s direction start to resemble the divination practices that God warned the Israelites to avoid, or face severe consequences (Deut. 18:9-14). Interpreting omens is grouped with fortune-telling and seeking the dead. Christians need to be very careful to avoid divination.
Some of the greatest challenges to our faith come as our parents are aging and need increasing amounts of care. For Sharon and me, this problem became very real in the past few years as both of her parents showed increasing symptoms of dementia. This has been both a trial and a real blessing as Sharon has often felt overwhelmed and cried out to God. She has learned to trust that in her imperfect decision-making, God will work things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).
So how do we know when God is guiding those hard decisions? Just yesterday, we faced a situation with Sharon’s dad that tested our faith in God’s promises. Normally, Sharon and her care-givers handle everything with her parents’ needs, but yesterday, I got pulled in and directly tested. Surely God likes to provide and guide in strange and frustrating ways!
Frightened Father-in-law
“Dad refuses to get out of my car!”
The urgent text message came from my wife Sharon while I was driving home today. At first I was amused, but she seemed anxious and I realized this could be a bigger problem. I didn’t know I was about to be challenged and that I wasn’t well prepared.
Sharon’s father’s Alzheimer’s has become more advanced. He generally cannot speak, seldom recognizes family members, and needs care-givers for all of his daily living tasks. Yesterday, Sharon had taken him to his doctor’s appointment for severe back pain, and now after returning to her parents’ apartment, he just sat in the car and wouldn’t get out, even after Sharon and two care-givers tried everything to coax him out. This may seem like a minor problem, but moving an unwilling 90 year old man can be a challenge. Forcing him out of the car, against his will, could cause catastrophic injury.
So, I turned the van around and headed over to help. Then I started thinking, “What on earth can I do to help?” After all, I haven’t been trained to work with fragile elderly patients. I have a sore back too, and two professionals had already tried to coax him out. I started feeling a little resentful, thinking, “He’s being a stubborn old man. He has to know he’s being a real problem for his daughter.” Besides, I need this time to work on writing my blog!
Years ago, I used to work in a psychiatric hospital, and I started fantasizing about burly men in white coats bringing chemical restraints. They would be so fast and clinical and efficient! While driving through Loma Linda, I realized I was thinking selfishly, that we needed help from the One who’s promises are sure. My problem wasn’t a lack of strength, manpower, or technique. My problem was my weak faith and an unloving attitude. It was time for confession and desperate prayer.
When I arrived dad had been sitting in the car for over an hour, and he had a very resolute look on his face. His walker and wheelchair were there close by to help him, but he hadn’t moved. Sharon and I talked about the best way to help him stand up, if he would just do it. It struck me then that I needed to show genuine concern, and not communicate in any way that I was going to use force or disrespect him in any way. He couldn’t talk much, but he would sense an impatient attitude. So, I walked up to him while praying silently, and just started talking it through.
“Dad, are you in pain?” He shook his head and said, “No.”
“Dad, are you in pain?” He shook his head and said, “No.”
“I know you went to the doctor, and that was hard to do.” He groaned a little and looked up at me with a worried face. Then I said, “I can help you get up if you want. You’re strong enough, but I’ll help.”
Sharon told me that until then, he wouldn’t look anyone in the face. We suddenly realized he hadn’t gotten up only because was afraid of falling. I held out both my hands and he started to move. With some more coaxing and repositioning myself, Sharon helped move his long legs out so his feet could feel solid ground. “Come on out Dad, you are strong enough to do it!” I pulled him with both hands, then under his arms, and he slowly and shakily stood up. There was a scary moment after he stood up, turned towards his wheelchair, hesitated, then finally sat down. Oh, thanks be to God!
This situation could have turned out very differently. If Sharon’s dad, God forbid, had fallen and gotten hurt, would that have proved that we lacked faith, or that God was not guiding us? It’s easy for us to assume that success in our labors is evidence that God is guiding us, while our failures are proof that He isn’t. We walk by faith, not by sight. God isn’t our servant, hovering around like a helicopter parent, protecting us from making mistakes or failing. He has much better plans for us, guiding us through our mistakes with loving, fatherly discipline (Heb. 12:5-11).
Often times there won’t be a clear answer or instruction from God on what to do. As Kelsie Peterson stated (MISSING MY BOX), instead of clinging to our little “box” of answers in times of need, we need to cling to Jesus and His promises. We have been set free from the bondage of trying to have all the answers. In trying to decipher God’s secret will in strange coincidences, or figure out the mysterious workings of providence, we put ourselves in spiritual danger. With “special knowledge” we can feel superior to ordinary Christians who don’t have the superior “light” that we have. As Paul told the Corinthians, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1Cor. 8:1).
We don’t need special knowledge to gain control of every aspect of our lives; and He will not place that burden on us. Don’t let any religious teacher, guru, or prophet lead you into such prideful bondage. “For freedom Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1), so don’t submit to their deceptions. God has shown us what we need to walk in the Spirit. His guidance is constant, gentle, and often undetectable, but solid and sure when we abide in His word.
He helps and guides us through ordinary means of grace, such as His word and Spirit, through prayer, and through good Bible teaching and Christian fellowship (Acts 2:42). Far beyond giving us “answers” to problems, we need to be transformed in the spirit of our minds (Eph. 4:23). Yesterday in the parking lot with my father-in-law, I learned a valuable lesson about trusting in God instead of in myself. The spirit of my mind had been selfish and proud, but God led me to come to Him in repentance and faith. He then showed us all mercy through our weakness and ignorance. We learn His guidance and are transformed, situation by situation, trusting Him one day at a time.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Roma.12:2).
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