FAITH STORY: JEANIE JURA

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. Eph 2:8, 9

In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation-having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory.  Eph 1:13, 14

All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will certainly not cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. This is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him will have eternal life, and I Myself will raise him up on the last day.”  John 6:37-40

Of all the changes that have come from leaving Adventism, eternal security is the most precious to me.  It is God’s promise, and now that I no longer read into Scripture what I believe, I can let it speak for itself.  And its message is powerful.  It is also so clear that I wonder at how I missed it before.  It’s like getting a new pair of glasses with a stronger prescription – suddenly things that had been blurry are sharp and clear.

My journey out took a long time and quite a few life-altering events.  Events like a Sabbath School Kindergarten class, 2 funerals, a major move and some periodicals.

I come from a tradition of Adventism – at least 3rd generation on both sides of my family.  My mother was born in a mission field and before I was a year old, we left the USA for another mission field.  I had 12 years of SDA schools, then returned to the States for college at La Sierra and Loma Linda.  There was a little culture shock on entering life in Southern California, but it didn’t send me off the rails as it did for quite a few missionary kids (MK’s).  For that I credit a good upbringing which taught responsible behavior.  

I took the required freshman so-called ‘Bible’ class that is required of all students called Intro to SDA Beliefs.  I don’t remember much of a personal worship although once in a while I would try.  I would start reading Desire Of Ages or one of the other books in the series but it never lasted long.

Out of college and after getting married, everything went along smoothly until some friends mentioned Glacier View.  Having never heard of it, we asked for information and were quite surprised at the explanation.  It didn’t seem to concern us very much but we gradually learned more.  

That was when Currents magazine came out and I eagerly absorbed each issue.  It was kind of satisfying to hear the accusations and exposures of the SDA church and some of the leadership – it was a lot like the tattle-tale magazines at the supermarket checkstands but closer to home and I found I still had a little of the rebellion mind-set – just enough to enjoy the dirt.  

A little rebellion but not too much.  After all, my parents worked for the General Conference by then and it wouldn’t do to let them know I didn’t agree with everything.  Without ever being told explicitly, I knew that disagreeing was dangerous and put me at risk of losing my salvation.  Particularly if I completely left  the church.

Then our first daughter turned 5 and transitioned from Cradle Roll to Kindegarten.  I accompanied her the first Sabbath and listened as the teacher taught a lesson using the flannel board.

Although the exact details are a little vague, it went something like this:  “This is Tommy.  He will get to go to heaven because he remembered to bring his Bible to church.  This is Sally.  She won’t get to go to heaven because she forgot to bring her offering to Sabbath School.  This is Jimmy.  He will get to go to heaven because he obeys his mother.”  

I sat in stunned silence as this was absorbed by the little kids.  When Sabbath School was over, I took both my kids and left without even staying for church.  As my husband had already stopped attending church, it was not difficult to follow suit.

For a while we attended worship services in homes of several of our friends who had already left, but busy schedules and summer vacations put an end to that. 

From time to time I sensed God calling me but I assured myself that I had not left Him or “the church”, I just wasn’t entering the building.  

Through the years, a separation and divorce, work and raising two girls, I drifted along.  I describe it as still believing in God but not really walking with Him.  Occasional prayers when the need arose, but little or no relationship.

But God never gave up.  The two funerals and a major move finally started to reach me.

A co-worker’s husband died and I attended the funeral at their church.  It was a Sunday church so it felt a little odd but at least it wasn’t a church service.

The pastor spoke passionately about heaven and the anticipation of seeing our friend again.  It was so full of hope and the gospel that I was  amazed.  

A couple of years later, the co-worker herself died and her funeral was the same message of love and hope.

God was still trying but I was still not ready to listen.

Then the move.  My daughter, her husband and my only grandchild moved 150 miles away and suddenly it hit me – as I was not going to church, I no longer had a church family and with my daughter gone, I literally had no family around.  For the first time I did not have a close network to fall back on and the call of church was stronger.  

First I went to one close to home but they were having their annual review of the past year and plans for the future.  I was disappointed but also relieved to not be drawn there.  

For a while I ignored the pull but finally I knew I needed a church family.  Then I remembered the funerals and decided to go to that church. 

I am sure you all remember the strange feeling that came the first time to actually entered a Sunday church!  I didn’t know anyone and didn’t feel particularly religious but I knew I was looking for something.

And I found it.  A worshipping, praising, friendly, welcoming church who were genuinely glad to see me.  And to my surprise, the teaching was straight out of the Bible.  No added “inspired” commentary to explain it; just exactly what the Bible said.

I also made a friend there and I can see God’s hand in that.

Not only the social need for having a friend, but although she was older than me, she was a very new christian.  I was taken by her simple, child-like joy in the gospel.  In the past that would have shamed me for not having the same feeling, but now it just inspired me.  For the first time I was able to actually use the Bible knowledge I had from a lifetime of chruch schools and as I helped her learn more, she was also teaching me about joy in the Lord.  

In church and Sunday school (that was still a little hard to say) I was learning things that began to change my once firmly held beliefs.  The Sabbath, state of the dead, the rapture, just to name a few.  Although I didn’t agree with everything I heard, I did learn that it is OK to disagree on some doctrines as long as they were the peripheral beliefs.  

That the nature of Jesus as fully God, the certainty of salvation and the finished work on the cross were central and not up for debate.  

That there is no “great controversy” – at least as I had been taught.  

That I was not lost every time I sinned and had to be saved again every time.

I drank it up and for the first time I read the Bible because I wanted to.  I thirsted for it and I started to learn.  And unlearn.

That was the hard part.  I began to encounter the “tapes” that play  in the head- the warnings, threats and shaming that comes from not just believing what someone else said.  And the cognitive dissonance that comes with comparing text to text instead of using the proof text method that isolates ideas from one another

I started finding non-SDA Bible commentaries – the internet certainly helped – and books by well-respected Bible teachers.  

To my amazement, some of them were on Revelation and God opened it up to me.  Suddenly it made sense and a description which, although it included symbolic images,  was also a very clear, literal storyline of end times.  I certainly don’t claim any special knowledge but I was led to several biblical authors who showed me how literal and clear it is.  

About that time, although I don’t remember just how it happened, I stumbled across Proclamation.  It reminded me of the old Currents magazine without the rather immature glee at pointing out faults of others.  Instead, it provided much teaching on the gospel and helped loosen some of the guilt that still lingered.  I went online and went back to the beginning issue and read them from there.  

Sadly, some long-time members of that church had some issues and drove out the pastor.  My friend  stopped attending but I stayed for a while; but I began to sense another spirit at work there and felt God’s presence less and less.  Finally, I stopped going also.

Then God stepped in again and I ran into my friend who had stopped going.  I asked her where she was going to church and she told me.  Although it was decidedly unlike me, I invited myself along for the next Sunday and found another vibrant, loving, welcoming church.  The pastor and his wife turned out to be two people I had known in Academy and they welcomed me.  I continued to learn and grow but the old “tapes’ would occasionally play in my head.  I had only to turn to the Bible to hear the Spirit and that would silence the doubts and accusations of the past.

A few years later, I moved to my present location to be near my parents who were getting older and needed someone near.  For a few months I stayed with them and of course they wanted me to go to church with them.  That first Sabbath I found that the Sabbath School lesson that quarter was on Galations!  Of course!  I found it interesting how they changed the meaning to fit their doctrine and skipped around here and there instead of a verse by verse study.  I had just discovered Bible Studies For Adventists and found it quite enlightening.

I sat through a few lessons and found that going back to the old beliefs and studying the Bible through SDA lenses was very strange.  Once or twice I tried to discuss some of it with my parents but all they would say or hear was the same old solid beliefs that won’t change.  I also found that I wanted to argue in Sabbath School class, which would not be productive, so I finally stopped going to class and just met them for church service.  Even that was causing dissonance as every sermon, no matter the subject, always came around to The Sabbath.  

In desperation I started to look for somewhere else to go.  The last church I had gone to was a Nazarene church so I looked for one and went one Sunday.  The service that day was a baptism and was so full of joy and celebration that it brought tears to my eyes.

They were having a Ladies’ Bible Study group so I went.  I have made a lot of good, christian friends there and continue to learn.

As I continue to learn and grow I find I want to share what I am learning with others.  Now that what I believe is based on the Bible, it is clear and easier to show someone else.  

But, for years, even with the leading of the Spirit, I would occasionally have the guilt and fear that is built into the SDA system.  It would attack me at the most inopportune times and I repeatedly asked God to take it away.  

This year, to my joy, He did just that.  I no longer feel the guilt or fear, even when I am with my family who are still SDA.  

I am rejoicing in my Savior and His finished work.

I am rejoicing in my assurance of salvation.

And even in this increasingly bizarre, hate-filled political and social chaos, I feel a peace I never had before.  I KNOW that Jesus is coming very soon and I know that I have nothing to fear from that.  This world is not my home so I am not so directly affected by the chaos around me.  

Praise God!  He has set me free and grounded me in the gospel!