As Mother’s Day approaches I’ve been pondering the differences between being an Adventist woman and being a woman in the body of Christ. Although the differences may seem subtle to an “outsider”, to those of us who have moved from Adventism into Christianity, the differences are profound.
I learned the “rules” early as I grew up in Adventist schools and went to work for “the church”. While we all honored a female prophetess, women were still never allowed to be fully ordained as pastors. Against this ironic background, women competed with men. Adventist men often condescended to the women while concurrently flattering them, pushing them “out front” in order to make their organizations look good. Women were useful but not always taken seriously, and they learned early that subtly flattering the men helped them advance professionally.
In addition to these interpersonal dynamics, the most powerful women adapted to the “androgynous look”. Suits, plain pumps, carefully groomed but unremarkable hair, low-profile makeup and no painted fingernails—these things were The Uniform for the professional Adventist woman. After all, she had to be perceived as being as no-nonsense as a man, as capable and as undistracted as her male colleagues.
In other words, the best woman was as good as any man.
And then—Trinity Church rocked my world. For the first time I watched Christian men and women interact, and my paradigms began to crumble. One of the first things I noticed was that Trinity has no female elders—yet there was no demand for “equality”. What’s more, the women were respected. Instead of the undertone of distrust and competition and even flirtation that often marked the interactions between Adventist men and women, these men and women did not compete. In fact, they did not feel threatened by or unequal to each other. The women were happy, and the men—who actually had personal authority—took them seriously. Their voices were heard.
Moreover, our senior pastor’s wife was not only the pastor of women’s ministries but also, for ten years, was the director of women’s ministry for the Evangelical Free Church in North America. In our first years at Trinity, I used to go to women’s Bible study and watch, amazed.
Elizabeth was feminine. She had her nails done; her hair was soft and curly. She wore casual clothes—even jeans, and cute shoes—and she taught the Bible with authority. Moreover, she graduated with a doctor of ministry degree from Trinity International University. She was undeniably a bright and powerful woman—but that was just the thing: she didn’t shy away from being a woman!
What’s more, she loved and admired her husband. I soon realized that every week she sat in church and took notes as Gary preached. If she tackled a difficult subject in Bible study, she asked Gary for his insight. She never competed with him or with any other pastor on the staff, and she never needed to assert her rights to be an “equal”.
One of my biggest surprises after being born again was discovering that God gave me back my identity as a woman. When Jesus broke down the dividing wall of hostility between Jew and gentile by his blood on the cross (Eph. 2:14-16), he broke down the walls of hostility also between men and women (Gal. 3:28). He took us out of our male and female “boxes” and made us one in Himself. He transferred us from darkness and brought us into the kingdom of Jesus (Col 1:13). We are now equally members of Jesus’ own body. He is our head; he looks out for us and gives us His work and His identity. We no longer have to fight and protect our turf. The Lord Jesus has brought us into Himself, and in Him our competition is over. No walls of hostility or fear separate us when we are in Him.
Now I see that my being a woman is the identity that God ordained for me from the creation of the world. Because of Jesus I am not a second-class citizen. I see now that men and women are different and have different roles, but our value in Jesus is absolutely equal.
I no longer have to try to be as good as any man. In fact, when I try to compete with a man, I lose the intrinsic strength of being a woman. What’s more, I don’t have to be a perfect woman, either. Now my life is hidden with Christ in God, and He keeps me and teaches me how to love others for Him.
This year as Mother’s Day approaches again, I realize what an honor it is to be a woman redeemed by God and how much I value roles I used to diminish or disdain: I am a mom and a grandma; I’m a mother-in-law and a mentor to younger women. I’m a daughter and a sister, and I’m the wife of a wise, strong man who has integrity and who is a stable rock on whom I lean.
Furthermore, I love red nail polish and flavored coffee and arranging flowers—but above it all, I love what has given me the freedom to embrace being a woman: discovering the real Jesus through His word.
Knowing Jesus has given me an unshakeable identity. I am Colleen, daughter of the King!
It’s good to be a redeemed woman.
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Thank you for this wonderful description of “female Christianity”…I love it! A wonderful new aspect of real freedom in Christ that we never knew before…another burden lifted.
Cheryl, I totally relate to that phrase: “another burden lifted.” Yes.
Wow Colleen! I am so blessed that redeemed woman is a mentor to my wife and Grandma Tinker to my children. Thank you.
This hits home for me in a big way. There is so much deprogramming that has been taking place for me since leaving SDA. Women, in my upbringing, were something to be worked around and dealt with. I am learning to trust women, including my wife, and recognize that Christian women are not trying to usurp the male role.
There is much to be redeemed, but it has been wonderful to watch you, Elizabeth, Cheryl and others lead with strength and dignity while visibly honoring and respecting your husbands.
Thank you, Carel. It’s affirming to hear you articulate the same sense of “gender roles” that we had as Adventists, but from the male perspective. God redeems our femininity and masculinity when we are born again. This fact has been such a surprise to me! He takes away the underlying distrust we nursed against each other to some degree.
Yes, one of many “surprises” that have come with new life in Christ.
I’ve just received permission to share the following email I received from a friend of mine, a never-been-Adventist, who graduated from Loma Linda University Dental Hygiene program about 10 years ago. She recently read the blog copy above and responded. She had attended Pacific Union College before LLU, and she lived in the dorms.
Reading her responses was amazingly insightful and validating. I had to share this:
I just wanted to let you know that I loved your daughter of the king blog. I totally remember the “power SDA ladies”, in horrible pantsuits…with no make up, trying to look tough, when what they really needed was a cheeseburger to stop them from starving to death. I don’t know why the male/female roles were always so kinda put down/ flirty/ weird. I guess your best hope was to be kinda of “sporty” or athletic or extremely fit, since you couldn’t do your hair, wear earnings or slap on some lipstick. (So many young college girls dreamed of being able to wear nail polish…so sad. So many artist friends wanted to wear make up.)
The irony of course, is that living in Southern California, it’s plastic surgery mega, not to mention the I-10 freeway is full of “gentlemen’s club” billboards. Then, being in hygiene with the pretty girls, it was make-up central, with designer jeans and lots of surgical “improvements”. So funny that there was no middle ground…either skin tight trampy or nothing. SDA young women were not learning how to be both spiritual mature and pretty…you had to be one or the other.
If you wanted to look feminine, then you might as well go all the way and chase after the world, because looking pretty won’t get you far in church or SDA businesses. (Love how you can judge one’s faithfulness by whether or not you have pierced ears.) If you wanted to be taken seriously, you needed a whole closet of plain clothes, and you be rather plain yourself. I’m sure you aren’t surprised by the extreme hidden rebellion of well placed tattoos, piercings, etc. Poor young men, seeing two radical different kinds of womanhood—it leads to distortion for both genders. There is something freeing about being yourself and being accepted by Jesus…no strings attached.
Being an “outsider” made it a lot easier to see the “weird” stuff. My imperfect but Christ-centered Northern California home Sunday church is where I learned where faith, modesty, and genuine beauty come from. Respect, dignity, confidence, and kindness can’t be purchased. Powerful women at church were faithful servants, loving, prayerful, funny, wise woman, who loved their husbands and kids.
They were respected by everyone because they were smart, but never boastful; they were rich in God’s mercy and not critical. Beauty came from their joyful attitude and their smile. Contentment in simple things, gave way to gratitude. Happiness was not found in “stuff”, but in real relationships. They were pretty, in a classic sense.. .never overly trendy, but timelessly elegant. Did they have their ears pierced, wear make up and color their hair? I think so…but it was a non-issue…no one cared; it didn’t matter. There were bigger things to do than worry about how someone’s nail polish looked. Their prayers moved mountains, and their laughter filled rooms. Mostly they were genuine and transparent. I think that’s what I missed the most, going away…. I missed people just being genuine and transparent… not taking themselves too seriously. So many SDA women were in competition with other women, with men, paranoid about being seen as weak. Money, position, education, status, your famous SDA last name—all were SO important.
At my Sunday church, character trumped looks. While these woman could enjoy all the “sins” of make up and jewelry, they was never taken to extremes…tastefulness, modesty and moderation were modeled. While Christ has given us all things to enjoy, I don’t feel the need to gorge myself on everything. Maybe that’s the flaw of legalism: it leads to extremes, of being over the top. When I’m less concerned with rule keeping and managing, of defining every line that should or shouldn’t be crossed, I’ve got more energy to focus on Christ on less on judging myself and others. To be myself when I feel weak, vulnerable, emotional, and insecure is when Christ’s power is on display…even in my weakness. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Cor. 12:9).
In Christ’s church women don’t need to be managed, put down, sidelined, or shoved out of the way. They need to be freed up, to use their unique gifts and talents to follow Christ and inspire, motivate, and bless the local church.
Go be the timeless beauty God has made you to be…without shame!